nightmare on elm street. i mean route 17.

24 01 2010

so yesterday the bf and i decided to take a day trip to the augusta area to visit some of our favorite haunts, and maybe try a little something new. we hit lakeside antiques in winthrop  first, where i saw this awesome pair of ceramic bulls for $15. i so almost bought them, but what the fuck am i going to do with a pair of ceramic bulls? then we went to the video game exchange on water street- where the selection of vintage video games is excellent and the prices are very reasonable. too bad the bigoted juvenile  assholes who work there won’t shut up while you’re shopping. just saying gentleman, you might want to rethink at least a few of those “doin’ your mom” jokes. also, not everyone of middle eastern descent is a terrorist. thanks for that. you guys are great.

but although terrifying, that’s not the real horror show. our next stop was elmer’s barn. hanging out on route 17 in coopers mills, elmer’s barn is an infamous central maine fixture. a 3-story barn that is literally packed to the gills with moldering old crap from years past, it’s sort of an episode of the hoarders gone wrong- with pricetags!

the first floor is easily the scariest- piled to the ceiling with old tools and farm equipment, and other mostly rusty and/or dusty odds and ends. the (decidedly crotchety, but still somehow charming) proprietor is up on the 2nd floor, so you’re on your own down there in the zigzagging maze of endless piles. at one point, i wandered away from my companion- and when i yelled for him, he didn’t yell back. i can’t say that at that moment, my first thought wasn’t “they’ve got him, and now they’re coming for me!” while i edged toward a pile of rusty axes i could use in self defense.  it’s a horror movie on the first floor, plain and simple.

the second floor is distinctly less scary, and is more along the lines of any other poorly laid out ramshackle antique mall. there were a few nice things, but mostly i was unimpressed and felt like the prices were a little high. this batman mug was amazing, but was it $14 amazing? i decided no.

the third floor was an interesting hybrid of the two. decidedly more piled and dusty than the 2nd floor, but not quite as dank and emotionally upsetting as the first floor. there were a lot of old chairs, and a weird over abundance of blue glazed porcelain cats. again, nothing.

the boyfriend eventually came upon two old newspaper advertising plates from the 50s (for tires) that he purchased for $2, but it was more about the beautiful horror of the experience than actually wanting or needing to buy anything. even though it was so scary and weird, i would definitely recommend this as a stop on any central maine adventure. take beautiful pictures, have a little chat with elmer, and hunt down a little piece of something from this terrifying and mystical place to bring home.



One response

1 02 2015

I have been in Elmer’s Barn a couple of times and I must say your description of it was laugh out loud hilarious. Actually the whole article was a riot. If you don’t write for a living you should try it!!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: