the road to hell.

29 06 2010

is paved with crumpled shopping bags. i was doing really well on my $30 a week plan for needless weekend spending… and then this weekend descended in a haze of clearance racks and impulse buying. does anyone else ever feel like they’re possessed by the devil? come july, i’ll be making some drastic reductions in my spending (to disastrous results i’m sure), but in the meantime… let’s revel in this last summer binge with gusto.

1. target, my second home. i once vowed that i would stop sleeping in sweatpants and old t-shirts and start sleeping in sexy lingerie. i’m not doing a very good job, but two new pieces of pretty from the liberty of london collection @ $4.48 each significantly increase the odds. if someone would come over to my house and finally torch my heinous disintegrating sweatpants, then we’d really be in business.

2. we decided to go to windham for a change, and that goodwill never disappoints. found another addition to my three investigators collection (jupiter jones is gonna solve that mystery SO HARD), and some crazy plastic apple container. i don’t know why, but i’m a sucker for shit that’s shaped like fruit.

3. marden’s sweet marden’s. there’s a brand new gigantic fucking mardens that just opened up in the old walmart building in south portland. i’ll be posting a deep and dirty expose about my experience later this week, but until then… BEHOLD! hobo spanx no more (that’s control top panty hose with the legs cut off for those who aren’t yet aware of my secret shame)! $11.49 for a maidenform control shorts. sure, it feels like my organs are being crushed, but i look SO SKINNY.

4. i ditched the boyfriend in the car for a nap while i took off to the marshall’s for a while. he’s such an old man. amazing asymmetrical t-shirt for $8, and the most beautiful summer dress ever for $19.99. i’m too fat for spandex, but there was a boatload of really nice looking marc by marc jacobs swimwear if you’re in the market for that sort of thing.

5. last time i was at the gap, it was all prairie skirts and straw cowboy hats, which is probably somewhere between windpants and juicy sweatsuits on the scale of shit that i shouldn’t be wearing. mysteriously this weekend, everything was awesome and on sale. oh, and everything that was on sale was an additional 40% off. got a cute skirt and 2 pairs of mysteriously great fitting pairs of 1969 (regularly $79 a pair) for $51.

6. shaw’s was the final stop for grocery shopping, and probably the biggest retail coup of the day. WACKY MAC MOTHERFUCKER! there was and endcap fucking full of it randomly over by the raw chicken. i bought just a couple because i could, even though i didn’t have the coupon that made them free.  but the biggest score was easily the fiber one deal. on sale for buy one get one (@ $4.29 each), i had a stash of $.75/1 coupons that would double, making it $1.29 for 2 boxes $.65 a box. i got 8 boxes for $5.16 total. i even had a $5/$50 coupon which would bring the whole goddamn mess down to almost nothing. it would have been exceptionally impressive if the boyfriend could have been an adult about it, instead of just giggling like a maniac, and telling me how much i’m gonna poop.

$102.58– scandalous! anyway, appreciate it now before i cut myself off from the crazy shopping forever (or until august, whichever comes first). but if the demon possession should happen to be too strong for me… tell my family that i love them, and make sure you wrestle my dead ass into those spanx. i don’t want to be a bloated corpse.



9 responses

29 06 2010

hey, so i have a question: if i shop at marden’s, am i indirectly supporting that hideous tea partier paul lepage? have you given that any thought??

30 06 2010

oh no! paul lepage is gross, but hopefully my $12 spanx aren’t making any significant contribution to his dirty tea partying ways. blackgirlinmaine makes an excellent point- general manager is not the same as owner. i also have a huge amount of optimism for maine’s ability to resist the vile temptations of republicanism.

29 06 2010

Why did I read this? Now I want to run down to the new Marden’s NOW!

Liz, its my understand Paul LePage is the general manager so its not like he is the owner of Marden’s so not sure how shopping there will or will not impact him directly.

30 06 2010

let’s hope to god that you’re right, because there ain’t anything in this world that can come between me and marden’s. you need to go. it’s AMAZING!

29 06 2010

You are f-ing hilarious! Glad I found your blog, I’ll be coming back.

30 06 2010

thanks! i’m always glad to hear that someone likes my jokes other than just me 🙂

29 06 2010

wow!! sounds like we could be twins.. lol. we shop an think alike. i will come home from buying crap an wonder why in the world did i buy that an than i tell myself NO more!!
great blog!

30 06 2010

thank you so much! it seems like i always NEED things desperately in the moment… and then i get home and realize that i must have been hallucinating because i don’t actually need anything. potentially, ever again. it really is like demon possession. maybe we need an exorcism? maybe i should look in the yellow pages.

16 07 2010
and the cupboard was bare. « broke 207

[…] to buy new pants. the good news is that i don’t need new pants right now (luckily i went on a pants buying spree just before i started this crazy financial diet), but i am swiftly building a laundry list of other […]

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