cheap slut.

i know i’ve been babbling on about burlesque for a few weeks now, but my amateur night performance is now exactly 20 days away (august 12th!), and i’ve got jack figured out. well, i’ve got the name narrowed down to three following choices:

candy handfuls
candy le cour
candy sprinkles

any thoughts? maybe i need to run some sort of poll? regardless, i’m not really impressing anyone by having the least important element of my performance 1/3 completed.  still to do:

choreography
props
costumes

it’s really that last one that’s going to wreck up the joint. because it is a special (and likely once in a lifetime) occasion, i have decided to allow myself a small budgetary concession for costuming. otherwise, i’ll be wearing a an aging maidenform and some very questionable hanes her ways. however, that does not give me license to go all agent provocatuer (although wouldn’t this be perfection?), and spend several hundred dollars on upscale pretties. this is burlesque on a budget and i need to find my pumps and pasties for low low prices.

first rule of thumb for buying sexy costumes for less: if the website specializes in retro lingerie or has a pinup theme– it’s gonna be pricey. if it’s all sorts of trashy and essentially built for hookers, you’re in the right place. hints to know that you’re headed in the right direction- classy names like discountstripper.com or stripperzone are a strong indicator. also, early 90s era web design.

after spending some time perusing the discount wares at fine establishments like sexymart, you’ll notice that stripper shoes are still upwards of $50 a pair. unfortunately, sexy shoes are essential to effective sexy dancing, so additional (but equally slutty) resources are needed. skankwear is the answer! though nearly identical in product to the exotic dancewear sites, for some reason the shoes at the tramp depots are wicked ridiculous cheap. i definitely think i’ll be getting these, but i am also strongly considering these (maybe for a naughty nurse number?).

one of the best things that sets burlesque apart from straight up stripping is the costumes. it’s never about just straight-up  off the rack lingerie, it’s the details. custom corsets, hand applied rhinestones, tassles, and lace. i will personally be adding some garter straps to my knickers (traditional garter belts accentuate all my fat parts), and adorning the whole situation with copious bows.  as for pasties, the really nice ones are insanely expensive, and the really not nice ones are just giant stickers for your boobs in a way that is totally not cute. the good news is that instructables tells me that i can make my own, and i’m going to choose to believe them.

if you haven’t noticed, i’m being extremely ambiguous about the details of my routine. it is a competition after all, and i do want it to be at least a little bit of a surprise. for now, just think hooker heels and lots of bows, and i’ll see what i can do about not making it an utter disaster. oh, and if you know any males in the area with booming voices and no shame- i might need your help.