thursday was a big day for me. as you might have read in my last post, i went to the mat for round 2 of amateur burlesque booty shakin, and this time, i was getting physical. let’s just say that there was a shake weight involved. oh, and a thigh master. and if you can believe it, I WON! it was pretty kick ass. there were 7 other acts competing with everything from sexy circus, to sexy redneck, to SEXY ORGAN HARVEST (i shit you not)…and it’s still pretty hard to believe that my goofy ass aerobicizing actually took home the prize ($50 and a chance to do it all again on november 11th in the finals). my routine also involved me pouring a bunch of water on myself, and i walked around looking like i peed my pants for the rest of the evening. zexxxy.
anyway, i have a little less than a month to come up with the another routine, and the balls to do it all again. yipes. i was down for the count for 3 days afterward just recovering from the stress and lost sleep for this round, i’m not entirely sure i have it in me to do it again. the competition will be crazy stiff this time, and i don’t have a goddamn clue what i’m gonna do for a number (any ideas?).
oh, and my mom finally found out about my second life as candy sprinkles, and we had to have a little chat about it. she won’t come see me in the finals… but she’s glad i’m not stripping. mostly, i think she thinks that i’m crazy. she’s probably right.
now how about that weekend pickthrough…
my friend michelle calls my dog k.lo because he requires an umbrella holder when we go out in the rain or he refuses to poop. maybe i should just get him one of these. while i’m at it, i should upgrade my dog to the crazy one in the picture.
drawing stuff is overrated. i bet futurama would be just as awesome in just three pixels.
everything you need to know about personal finance can fit onto the back of 5 business cards.
somebody needs to buy this dog so that it can play with my dog. right now. i said get on it.
if anyone out there happens to be writing a novel next month and wants to play with me, i’m hanging out over here.
it’s motherfucking halloween, and that means one thing- MOONLIGHT CORN MAZE!
apparently, this is maine’s hottest bachelor. meh. cute, but i think we can do better (sort of like miss maine always has a big nose or a fat ass and NEVER makes top 10).
um, dogbeards?
broke 207 
Ok, so you’re a chemist mixing potions in a lab. All stuffy and glasses and labcoat. And maybe some chemical spills on your hand and that body part becomes all sexy and insists on taking off clothes, etc. OR you could drink the potion and get your Jekyll and Hyde on.
that’s actually a really good idea. although i’m afraid of becoming the 80s spoof girl. i was considering something a little darker…sexier perhaps? the jekyll and hyde thing could work- but it can’t be blinded me with science. as for sexxxy veterans day… i don’t know if i’m patriotic enough to pull it off.
And of course for that one the song choice would be She Blinded Me With Science.
OR- alternate idea. SEXY VETERANS DAY! I don’t have all the details worked out, but take it from there…
Hot bachelor would be a lot hotter w/o the praying hands tattoo. Kinda looks like a fish in the small pic (I clicked to enlarge, but only to see the tattoo).
i thought it was a cuttlefish, and was SO disappointed to find out what it really was. nice body, but i don’t actually think his face is that cute.
since it’s right before christmas, you could use the “i want a hippopotamus for christmas” song. sexy zookeeper? or go the creepy little girl route in pajamas, like it’s christmas morning?
AWESOME IDEA. xmas stripping! titties for baby jesus! footy pjs! this is so going on my short list. 🙂
Oh man, I’ll totally buy that adorable dog. Because I have an extra $1200 hanging around all the time. I keep that shit in my mattress even.
Yeah.
yeah. fancy dogs are expensive. you don’t even wanna know how many people i had to blow to get kazuki.
if that’s maine’s sexiest bachelor, i’m glad i moved to nh a long time ago. what self respecting man wears pink shorts and a bad jesus hands tattoo? congrats on your 1st place win!
this cracked me up so hard that i had to post it on twitter. the JESUS TATTOO is killing me. can you imagine picking that guy up at a bar? the minute he got into the bedroom and took his shirt off, i would be showing him the door. it’s just an ugly beacon of how little we have in common.
I work with Maine’s sexiest bachelor from 2001. He is no longer a bachelor. I do not believe Cosmo had anything to do with his changed status. Making fun of said coworker for said accolade is one of our favorite things to do.
is he still sexy? does he have it on his business cards?
so, i have PinCurl Magazine on my facebook and they posted this interview. i thought you’d like it. she references the muppets as inspiration!
http://pincurlmag.com/jo-weldon
i love the muppets! maybe for my next routine i can do a sexy version of this? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NA90IlymdZ4
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