today, something really lame happened. possibly my lamest retail run-in ever.
i was at the mall trying on dresses, and was feeling uncertain about a strapless number with somewhat poorly located pockets. still pretty cute, and at $19.99… definitely worth consideration.
so i threw a belt on it, walked out of the dressing room, and asked the nearest sales associate if she thought it was too poofy around the waist. as in: is the excess pocket fabric making it unflattering? (i may have even motioned to the bunchiness with my hand.)
apparently i wasn’t clear enough, because her response knocked me on my ass:
“maybe you should wear something under it , like spanx”
[silence]
“or maybe you’re just having a puffy day.”
[backs slowly into dressing room with head down]
wow. i was speechless and ashamed and mortified. i high tailed it out of there (ok, AFTER i bought three pairs of $1.97 flats- who cares about pride when you have cute shoes?), and drowned my humiliation in a jumbo sized container of pretzel nubs.
once i’d gotten a grip, i calmly called the store manager and explained what happened. i was sweet, apologetic even. reluctant to name names. in short, i was a PUSSY.
i was so filled with anger, and so completely afraid to make a scene or be rude or inconvenience anyone else, that i lost my chance to slap that sales associate across the face with my glove and demand the satisfaction that i deserve. at the very least, i lost my chance to slap that sales associate across the face.
i failed. also, a mall sales girl called me puffy.
*i did take the opportunity to have a MASSIVE twitter pity party, which made me feel infinitely better. you heard it here first- twitter is good for your self esteem.
what should i have done?
maybe we should all pool our money and fuck with west virginia or something.
pretty much the coolest easter egg dyeing technique ever (even if you’re not into easter,i’m pretty sure it could have other equally awesome applications).
sweet shit on sale via (of course) the hairpin.
these photos are stunning. also, these teenage girls are cooler and more attractive than i ever will be/have been.
this butterbeer cupcake recipe started something it couldn’t finish. to quote my facebook page: “attempting to synthesize butterbeer in my kitchen lab with cream soda and buttershots. my stomach hurts, and i’m not even a little bit drunk. fuck you harry potter.”
**yeah, that picture is the scene in pretty woman where the bitchy sales ladies send her packin. maybe richard gere will take me back to the mall and tell that dressing room bitch that she needs spanx, and that we’re gonna go spend our money in freeport.
broke 207 
Let me guess, the salesclerk was 16 years old and has never heard of metabolism or whiskey?
P.S. LOVE that unphotography website.
P.P.S. A public thank you for your hard work and overcoming of purple feet on Saturday!
the sales lady was like 19 and easily a size 16. just dumb i guess. the manager called her “eccentric”. you could tell he was searching for a diplomatic word to describe her.
P.S. the BIG THAW was amazing. i hope you are sufficiently proud of yourself for doing something that awesome. kiki bobo and i are certainly are!
I saw you on your way out of Thaw and I did not think you looked puffy at all. That bitch.
thanks bobbi, you’re the best. i actually was puffy at the BIG THAW. puffy with histamines. i ended up at the emergency room completely covered in hives! weird, right?
eh not that weird. If you’ve had weird health problems, I’ve probably had them or a roomie that has had them. Ha! Did you find out what caused the hives? I once had an allergic reaction to Amoxicillin and ended up all rashy for like two weeks. I can sympathize.
Were you perchance at Forever 21? One time Theresa and I pointed out a mod dress with a big square print to a sales associate and asked if they had any more mod dresses, to which she replied that she thought there might be some plaid dresses in another room. Moral of the story: they only hire dumb people at the mall. She probably thought the puffy pockets were a part of your body. In which case, to be fair, you would need spanx. Or a doctor.
no, i was actually at THE GAP! a store that is supposed to be kind to puffy old bags like me. i feel betrayed.
i went into the gap once and asked for a smaller size pant and was told that she didn’t think a size smaller would fit me.
well they did.
what is with ornery/bitchy salespeople? i bet she was bigger than you too. that’s always the case.
NO THEY DIDN’T. that’s ridiculous. plus, you’re all kinds of tiny. also, you’re totally right- she had a good 30-50 lbs. on me. i might be puffy, but she couldn’t have gotten into that dress with a shoehorn and the grace of god.
Haters gonna hate! (Ok, I don’t really know what that sentence means, but it sounds trendy). Please don’t let the stinkers get you down. I am constantly amazed at the douchery of the general public. You are awesome!
honestly, i don’t even think she was hatin! i think she genuinely thought she was being helpful. not evil, just STUPID. i bought the dress anyway, just to spite her.
Good for you for one calling the manager and two getting the shoes! I honestly don’t know what I would have said other than to probably give her a raised eyebrow and a yeah, I am almost 40 and expanding. Thanks.
thanks! they also gave me a code for 40% off. it’s not that i’m denying my puffiness- i just don’t want to be reminded of it while i’m shopping for dresses. the flattering lighting and gently tilted mirrors at the gap make me feel ok about myself- and she took that away. EMOTIONAL DISTRESS! [where’s my lawyer?]
I’m right here, Babe.