shaking the mystery box.

sometimes, i apply for so many freebies and shit online, that i completely forget what i’ve applied for. in the last few weeks, i’ve had not one but THREE  mystery boxes show up on my porch with a WTF, and then subsequent OMG upon opening them. i’ve gotten some really kick ass stuff in the last month… and now i’m gonna tell you about it:

1. i found the first mystery box jammed behind my screen door bearing a return address from burt’s bees. had i ordered something and forgotten about it? burt isn’t a likely source of unsolicited presents via UPS. inside, a perfect miniature version of their proactiv rip off/acne control system (which i still don’t remember applying for, but whatevs, it’s free and awesome).

now, at the ripe old age of 33, i still break out ALL THE TIME. whoever said that you don’t get zits after 30 was a MOTHERFUCKING LIAR. the bad thing about me is that i’m super lazy about washing my face. real lazy. no matter how much a system promises/guarantees that it will clear my shit up, 3 steps is still too many goddamn steps for me.  individually, the products were quite nice.  i use the lotion all the time (not greasy, nice smell, easy on my sensitive skin), and the spot treatment works shockingly well and is perfect for under makeup (it sort of evaporates into your skin), but i never did quite master the art of using all 3 at once.

as a result, no marked improvement in my crappy skin. still, if i was willing to commit to an acne system, this would be the one. the maine roots and the natural ingredients are an easy sell for me, and it looks like you get a good sized product for your $10.

2. my bzzagent boner gets bigger every day. this time, they sent me a full sized covergirl natureluxe gloss balm and foundation. FREE FULL SIZE MAKEUP. FREE! unfortunately, not my colors. the lip gloss is fantastic, goes on nice and smooth, and stays moist for a prolonged period (which as a chapstick junkie, i require). unfortunately, heinous shade of bright pink (gave me serious clown mouth). foundation was smooth and moussey… but left my skin a bit too dewy. i’m not into the shiny look when it comes to my face. although it was light in formulation, and gave good coverage (even if the color was tragically brown/orange on my pasty white skin).

3. then came the biggest mystery box of all. apparently, i belong to some sort of vogue magazine beauty insiders program that i don’t remember signing up for. apparently, this means that they send me uber-fancy full sized beauty products for testing purposes. these products come in unmarked white cellophane wrapped boxes with 2 legal releases (included SASE) assuring them that they own me and my thoughts, AND that i won’t tell anybody what’s inside the box until they tell me it’s ok. so yeah, i got something AMAZING… and i can’t tell you what it is. possibly ever.

what i do know is that i looked up similar products online, and i saw some for like $172. i am very worried that i am not nearly fancy enough to be using this product. will it recognize and reject my pedestrian skin?

the moral of this story is that you should ask people to give you free stuff online, because a lot of the time they will. i’m terrible at giveaways, but maybe someday i’ll put together a little fun box full of sample stuff and give it to somebody who wants it. would you like that?