bring on the hooker shoes: a product review.

so one of the various perks (or is it a curse) of being a blogger, is that sometimes i get asked to review things.  companies send me free shit in exchange for a review, and sometimes i actually even write one. like today!

usually, i product test things that are either edible (debatable in some cases), or that i can easily smear on my face/body during my morning routine. so when i got these dr. scholls for her high heel inserts (from my current favorite blog-swag provider, bzzagent), i wasn’t quite sure what to do.  i actually own a lot of high heels, so that wasn’t the problem. but tragically, i just don’t have many opportunities to actually wear them.  on account of the whole not driving thing, i tend to be perpetually in flats- except for the odd “special occasion” (which are pretty rare in my universe).

anyway, i was supposed to test these puppies out, but no high-heel bearing days presented themselves (stacey london would be so ashamed). so i did what any dedicated product tester would do- i decided to do my laundry in a pair of four inch hot pink patent peep toes that i hadn’t worn since my ill fated wedding back in 2007.  that’s right, i tottered around my bedroom & basement in hot pink heels and my laundry day sweatpants for 3 hours (i did allow short safety breaks when carrying large quantities of laundry down flights of stairs. like hell i’m gonna break both my legs for a pair of $12 insoles).

here is what i learned during my very scientific testing process.

THE GOOD STUFF:

1. the insoles were squishy and nice. people are always bragging about how they’re “gellin’ like magellan”, and now i understand why. they had good ball of the food cushion, and some nice arch support (which most heels are lacking completely). realistically, 3 hours on your feet in super high heels isn’t going to be painless for anyone (unless you’re a total mutant). but, i didn’t start to really feel the burn until a good 2 hours into the experimental period. pretty good!

2. they’re narrower than regular insoles & they’re clear, so they fit nicely in cute skinny shoes and are pretty much invisible.

3. they’re sticky on one side, so they stay put (i didn’t realize this until about half way through the test, when i noticed that there was a clear sticker covering the sticky part. i’m slow). and it utilizes that patented “sticky hand” technology that doesn’t gum up your shoes, and regains it’s stickiness with a gentle washing.

THE LESS GOOD STUFF:

1. they’re covered in plastic which makes your feet sweat like crazy. or maybe that’s just me. maybe i’m gross.

2. they do add extra beef to the insole of the shoe, so if your shoe is already a little snug, they may aid in the cutting off the circulation to your toes. i found this to be true when i put them in my dance shoes. bad idea trying to do double pirouettes when your feet are all puffed out of your character shoes.

3. as much as i liked them overall, i don’t think that i could see myself paying $12 for them. i guess i’m  a person who would suffer through excruciating foot pain before i part with my beer money. however, they were nice enough to send me a stack of $4 coupons, and if anyone wants one (or a bunch), hit me up and i will mail them to you. i’ve definitely seen them on sale for around $8 on occasion.

so that’s pretty much it. prognosis: DECENT. i wouldn’t recommend doing your laundry in heels, but if you have to be a stripper or bridesmaid, i could see these coming in pretty fucking handy. and as a sidenote, if you personally would like to own the size 8 hot pink hooker heels…it’s finally time for me to let go. i’m not quite ready to turn in my wedding dress, but she shoes will be coming to the next SWAPmaine event at the end of the month. even if you don’t wan the shoes, you should come anyway.

oh,  and can somebody out there go ahead and invite me to their wedding? my shoe collection is LANGUISHING. also, i give good presents.