[black friday] balance restored.

black friday when all nuts this year. some stores opened at midnight, some at 4, some at 6… all of which made it nearly impossible for me to form a workable plan for a pleasant shopping experience. what was i supposed to do, hit the old navy and the target at midnight and then hang out at the denny’s until the mall opened?

NO. my digestive system could not take such a beating (although i still really do want to try out that grilled cheese with the mozzarella stix embedded inside, even though i know it’s wrong)!

i considered just hitting the midnight store and then going back later in the morning… but that also seemed less than ideal in terms of efficiency. so i decided to do something a little different this year- SLEEP IN.

it was actually kind of awesome. and then around 7, i leisurely got up, walked the dog, and headed to the mall. considering that i don’t need any big ticket electronics, and all the cheap movie titles were complete crap, it wasn’t like i was missing anything anyway (other than shivering in the cold with a bunch of other cranky folks who are more than willing to elbow you in the throat to get the last creepy stalker barbie).

and since i had already slept through the “best” deals, i also felt little pressure to hit the big boxes and try to scrape up what was left. so i just went wherever the hell i wanted regardless of big signs yelling DOORBUSTERS! and here is what i got:

1-3 OLD NAVY: the boyfriend only buys pants once a year, and that one day would be black friday. while he was grabbing every pair of $15 33/30 pants he could get his greedy mitts on, i casually browsed around and picked up a few fun pieces at reasonable prices.

1. fleece schoolboy blazer $15. i wore it three days running this vacation, so it’s pretty much already paid for itself.

2. jaunty 20s hat $10. i look good in hats.

3. 3 pairs cheap tights $3.90 each. every winter i go on about finding cheap tights. these weren’t as low as i would have preferred, but old navy makes good tights, and these were a nice color.

4 FOREVER 21: i wasn’t actually planning on going here, but it was the easiest way into the mall from old navy. lo and behold, i found this amazing set of black sequin bra & panties with attached garters that i had to have. $16 for the set!

5 GOODWILL: i always forget that the mall on black friday is a terrible terrible place. once inside, my only objective became to fight my way to the best buy, rescue the princess (i mean the boyfriend), and get the hell out of motherfucking dodge. goodwill was a nice respite from the crowds, and without the insane mobs, i was able to score myself a pristine silk skirt from j crew for $4.99 in relative comfort.

6 BULL MOOSE: i’m a rabid legend of zelda fan (“link to the past” is my favorite game of all time, and if you disagree with me, i will cut you), but i decided to wait for skyward sword until black friday (it was released on the 20th) to see if i could get it on the cheap. i really wanted the combo set with the GOLDEN NUNCHUCK, but it appeared that set was only available at walmart, where i can never go again, especially not on black friday. bull moose had the best price in town, plus they get extra points for being a beloved local biz. $39.97

7 & 8 MARDEN’S: paul lepage associations aside, marden’s is a state institution. more beloved to me than reny’s or levinsky’s, i’ve been crawling through their junk piles since i was a wee one. black friday’s dig elicited the most exciting find of the day- a pair of gold glitter hooker shoes that i’d been coveting on the interwebs all season. i also picked up a super hot purple cheetah bra & undies set for $7.  if nothing else, this burlesque dancing thing has given me the best excuse to buy 6″ heels and outlandish lingerie. also, if my new job doesn’t work out, i’ll be fully prepared to be an escort. or possibly a stripper.

9 TARGET: is usually the first place that i hit on black friday, but we decided to just browse the leftover scraps this time around and call it good. GOOD CALL. their $1.88 movies were HEINOUS, and i couldn’t give a single fuck about charming fleece mitten sets. their sale merch was all disappointingly marked down only 30%, but i gave into my darkest shopping impulses and bought this rad printed pencil skirt for $18. i’ve become utterly obsessed with building a professional wardrobe, and this skirt makes me feel like the quirky best friend in a romantic comedy about office girls with big dreams.

also not pictured here, were a package of morning star farms riblets, and a package of chix patties- both on sale for $3.29. morning star, Y U NO HAVE MORE COUPONS?

10 CVS: by our last stop, shit was pretty cleaned out, and we were ridiculously exhausted and cranky. i didn’t have a plan other than a recently updated coupon folder and a dire need for toothpaste. i grabbed a few things- carmex, softlips, 2 tubes of colgate, and the philips earbuds that stockpile because i’m constantly losing my earbuds, and these are the best cheapies out on the market. i was disappointed not to get the wet ‘n’ wild nail polish set for $.88 for the makeup project, but we’re doing pretty well (still time to donate though!).

and then i went home and fell asleep on the couch for 4 hours. woke up, ate some leftover quiche, and passed back out again.

the end.

did you cower indoors on black friday like a sane person? or did you brave the masses (and certain death) to cash in on the deals? show me your trophies!