death of a salesman.

let’s be clear: i am a terrible sales person.

when i was in 2nd grade, i quit girl scouts because i didn’t like being forced to sell cookies. in 5th grade, i quit trick or treating because it felt too much like solicitation. despite the fact that everyone loves girl scout cookies, and virtually every person in america has a bowl of candy at the ready on halloween, i couldn’t shake the dirtiness of asking someone to give me something- or worse, BUY SOMETHING!

it’s kind of my worst non-dismemberment related fear. like twitchy cold sweat vomit grade fear.

so here we are at IKEA bus time again, and we have 27 people signed up for a bus that holds 50. and on the inside, i’m all like OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT. but then again, i don’t actually want to ask anyone to to buy a ticket. or flood my facebook and twitter feeds with plugs for my little project. so i’m sort of at a stalemate.

so my decision was to try and overcome my fear in the least invasive and annoying way i could think of- a short and to the point blog post. just one more before i give up, pat myself on the back, and say “hey, 27 people is still pretty sweet. you’re gonna have a kick ass time”.

so here it is.

5 easy reasons why the IKEA bus is a very  excellent way to spend $35

1. you don’t have to strap anything to the roof of your ford fiesta with ikea twine and then have a panic attack on the highway hoping it doesn’t fall off and cause a massive 50 car pileup. small car? no car? distinct lack of bungee cords? we’ve got both a u-haul and some strapping young dudes from the fine moving establishment of local muscle who will get your shit back to portland with no hassle to you. and if you live in the city of portland, we will deliver!

2. SNACK PACKS! this year’s configuration of local snackables will include goods from the following: capt’n eli’s soda, wicked whoopies, mac’s kettle corn, and some other surprise stuff that is (surprise!) a surprise.

3. you’ll get treated like the goddamn princess that you are. so along with not having to lug your own boxes and getting a lot of awesome local snacks, you will also have the following: morning donuts & coffee (via tony’s donuts and coffee by design), in flight movies (suggestions welcome!), and i was told by VIP charter coaches that we would most likely get WIFI!

4. you probably need storage. and by probably, i mean definitely. and IKEA storage is both really inexpensive and really attractive. basically, you’ll get cute furniture AND you’ll have an awesome time.

5. because $35 is virtually nothing for an entire day of friends, movies, snacks, donuts, browsing, buying, and bringing home. when last i checked, a greyhound round trip ticket to boston was $44, and didn’t come with snacks. although it might come with a bus station groping if you’re really lucky.

so yeah. there’s my pitch. and if you hate sweden and particle board, maybe you know someone who doesn’t. or maybe you know someone who loves donuts and needs to buy a new couch  but only has $300 and no way to get it home. i’m still gonna rock out with my current 27 bus peeps no matter what, but another 10-20 would only make the party more awesome. (spread the good word) (please) (or don’t) (no pressure).