day 3: a new demographic.

today is my birthday.

i’m not sure why 35 seems so old, when i didn’t notice 34 at all. is it because i’m officially in my “mid-30s” now (no turning back)? or perhaps because i am no longer in the 19-34 age bracket on surveys?

i do feel a little strange,  but i’m pretty sure i’m not having some sort of almost mid-life meltdown or anything, so that’s good. i did smear a bunch of face cream on my neck today because i became convinced  that i have early onset turkey wattle. although, i think it has less to do with aging and more to do with losing some serious neck weight over the last year. whatever the cause, i don’t think it’s wrong for anyone to be extra moisturized.

i think the weirdest thing about being 35 is that i feel like i should feel different, but i really don’t. i still like short skirts and bright colors (i still want to be ms. yvonne from pee-wees playhouse when i grow up). i am still ultimately optimistic about love and my future. i still think i have a chance at a marvelous career. i still daydream about what my home and my family will look like someday, when i’m ready.  i still say “when i grow up”.

and really, i can’t tell if i’m turning into a sad old overgrown teenager. am i a pathetic lady peter pan who really shouldn’t shop at forever 21 anymore, but everyone is too sweet to say anything (to my face)? maybe 35 is the year that i am supposed to realize that i’m too old for glitter shoes an stammering crushes. maybe i’m supposed to shelve my plan to go to grad school for writing, and get an MBA here in portland, where my job will pay for it. maybe, i have to start putting money into my IRA (that i will also need to open).

or maybe, my optimism will keep my youthful and happy- even as my face wrinkles up like a california raisin (no matter how much greasy cream i slather on). maybe continuing to fantasize and be hopeful is the the key to not turning into a crotchety old twat. maybe it’s better for me to chase an impractical dream for a while so that i don’t make it to the next demographic (49-65) cursing my practicality and wondering how my life might be different if i actually tried. ok, maybe i really should open that IRA. i don’t think we can argue with that one anymore…

sorry to get all bummed out and philosophical. i actually had a really wonderful day. took the ferry to peaks island with that boy i like, and we spent the afternoon laying on docks and eating oreos (shockingly vegan) on the beach. and i think it’s fairly clear from my lists up above that i’m going to continue to be a silly fool and just dive through life as if getting older isn’t really a thing (except for the IRA part). i’m pretty sure you’re never too old for glitter shoes anyway.