binge eating.

27 12 2009

i am constantly trying to do 2 things (with varying degrees of success): save money and lose weight, and right around xmas time i always give up completely on both.  as evidenced by the cheesy popcorn and $138 dollars consumed this very afternoon

i should know better. this happens to me every year. i get so starved for personal shopping during xmas (compounded this year by shopping for the  burlesque), that as soon as i’m left to my own devices- i explode and tell myself that i need to buy everything RIGHT NOW! it’s like being on a starvation diet- at some point, the dam will break, and everything will go to hell (usually me cleaning out the fridge with my face, or me buying a bunch of crazy crap). the worst thing is that i am somehow able to convince myself that i deserve it- that i am entitled to this wallet draining and overstuffing.

the truth is that i haven’t balanced my checkbook in over a month, i have no idea how much money i really have (or need to get through the month)- and just like my rapidly expanding waistline, i don’t plan to do anything about it until january first. what the hell kind of f-ed up mentality is that? we can always start over tomorrow, or monday, or next year- but how many dollars and calories are lost while we’re waiting for our perfect “start over day” to come?

it’s simple. i need to do 2 things:

1. stop starving myself so that i stop needing to binge.

2. when i do binge, get right back up and start over immediately.

perfection isn’t really an option (as much as i might like it to be), but i’m pretty sure i can muster up the effort and willingness to keep trying to get better if i allow myself to accept the (sometimes) discomfort of the reality that is moderation.

my bad.

26 12 2009

i thought i was immune to post-xmas shopping mania. i thought i could just go to target, get some discount wrapping paper, and be on my merry way… but i was a fool.

it all started when the boyfriend decided that before we went to the mall, we should go to cliff’s in saco to get our thrifting on. i thought it would be safe! usually their stuff is ok, but a little overpriced. but there she was- the most perfect vintage ceramic nurses head- the perfect book end for my cherry ames collection! $19 (ouch, but i had to have it). oh, and a giant weeble for $2. $21 down.

target was actually ok. i bought 2 rolls of 50% off wrapping paper for $4, a bin for xmas ornaments for $4.50, and 2 boxes of morningstar chix nuggets @ $1.64 each after coupons. total, $11.78.

when we walked into the old navy, lines were crazy long- and we both thought that we would take a quick zoom around, be disappointed with everything, and walk out. but the sale was so good! 60% off lots of good things (i picked up 3 pairs of tights @ $2.60 each, and 2 3-packs of my favorite underpants for $4.80 each). and miracle of miracles, i also picked up a pair of $15 jeans that actually fit me well (i have an unusual body configuration that doesn’t like pants)! oh, and somehow a really cute scarf and umbrella also jumped into my cart on my way to the check out line… oops! $47 more dollars gone.  (the boyfriend actually left with $94 worth of stuff, so i feel slightly less bad in comparison).

then we were supposed to go home. except that we were hungry for chinese food… so we had a little pit stop at the oriental table (my favorite chinese restaurant ever) in the old port for cashew bean curd and orange soda. our waitress was a little young and not really paying attention, so i eventually ended up with cashew beef (sent back), and fried wontons which also had meat in them… 25 minutes later, my hastily prepared bean curd wasn’t really doing it for me. $15 disappears.

in order to make up the dinner deficit, i stopped off at the corner store on middle street to buy popcorn and cheddar cheese (grate the cheese, throw it on the warm popcorn, and hose the whole things down with butter). did i mention that the cheese cost $5! how could i!?  oh, and $2.50 for the popcorn… $7.50 total.

well, then i decided that i wanted to watch a horror movie that i hadn’t seen before…. across the street to the videoport (best movie rental store ever), and 1 movie (mirrors with kiefer sutherland- terrible), turned into three (skeleton key & vampire’s kiss). $7 for the lot.

since we were already there, we also decided to jaunt across the hall to the bullmoose to see what was going on. at that point, any last shreds of restraint i had were gone. i found a used copy of a movie i’d been looking for for ages (choke) for $3, and then figured i might as well grab a few more things since i was spending all my money anyway… (suspiria, and dying to be thin). $29 more down the rabbit hole.

$138.28… gone forever.