there was a farmer had a dog.

first and foremost people, that dog’s name was B-I-N-G-O, not B-E-A-N-O. bingo is the game, beano is the stuff that makes you less farty when you eat broccoli. why come to the south portland BINGO hall, if you’re just going to yell BEANO all the time. sorry for the rant, but for some reason that filled me with blinding rage.  the good news is that the rest of the evening filled me with joy and awe. not so much money, but lots and lots of awe.

i knew from some light googling that bingo began at 6:30, but i thought it wise to call and ask for more info. apparently the hall would open at 3, and we would need to arrive at 5:30 at the latest to “get set up” (although he didn’t disclose exactly what that meant). scary. being the kind of girls who like to live on the edge (and who have a hard time being on time for things), me and my lovely date kristina showed up around 5:50, cash in hand and ready for action.  the “set up” part  turned out to be choosing the level of bingo we would play, getting our machines (what!?), and finding a seat with some people who weren’t giving us laser eyes of death.

although the guy had said on the phone that the buy in would be $20, a fellow bingo-er (bingotian? bingonian?) started yelling at us from a nearby table that the $32 game was the way to go. not knowing dick about bingo, and being completely overwhelmed with choices, we took her advice readily. then, it was out into the sea of folding  tables to find someone who wouldn’t overtly shun us, and to figure out exactly what to do with this giant bingo calculator speak & read thing that we were each now holding.

we spotted the only other couple under the age of 70 sitting at a mostly empty table near the snackbar. “this is a lucky table” they said, flagging us down.  with great relief, we installed ourselves, and they gave us the run down of the rules and regs. as opposed to the big paper cards of days past (though still available at a cheaper rate), the machine bingo had all your cards and games memorized, and all you had to do was push the numbers as they were called. you could even pick your own markers (i went for magic 8 ball, kristina went for tigers, our table companions refused to tell us what they used).  then it was just hanging out and waiting for the action to start.

i got a fanta, a grilled cheese basket, and a fistful of pull tabs to pass the time. these are sort of like scratch tickets, except that you pull off a protective layer of paper instead of scratching to reveal your prize.  certain number of $100, $250, & $500 prizes are guaranteed per box (i think they had 4 different boxes going), and as the night goes on they yell out how many big prizes are left to get people to keep buying more. i saw people plunking down $25 & $50 and just standing over a trash can pulling and tossing, pulling and tossing. i actually won $5 which of course i invested in more pull tabs. oops. all i got was a big pile of brightly colored paper.

there were also people walking around selling 50/50 raffle tickets which allowed people to win a small pot and the privilege of spinning the construction paper wheel of fortune at the front of the hall. the lady behind me went home with $30 and a quesadilla maker. solid.

as a side note, where the fuck are all these old people getting hundreds of dollars to spend on bingo and pull tabs?

once the games began, it was pretty much just like i imagined.  the guy or gal at the front of the room called out the numbers as they shot out of this big popcorn popper deal at the front of the room, and everything got put up on big beautiful old-school light up bingo boards at all 4 corners of the room. there were however a few surprises:

1. we never played regular bingo. it was always something crazy like “the hard way” (regular bingo not using the center free space), “8 around the corner”, “rooftop”, “crazy Y”, or “church cross”.

2. even though we paid to play machine bingo, they gave us one paper card for the “quickie coverall” game. this involved using a dab-o-ink bingo marker (kindly lent to us by our table mates) to blot out numbers as the caller yelled them out triple time. so stressful!

3. don’t you dare yell out false bingo. i made a joke about how people would get shanked in the parking lot, and my new bingo sensei looked at me with all seriousness and said “they’ll shank you right here”.

4. you are not to touch anyone else’s machine. in fact if you have to use the restroom during play and can’t hold it until one of the designated 10 minute breaks, you have to raise your hand and one of the “bingo assistants” will play the game in your absence.

5. if you should be holding a conversation at standard volume, prepare to be SHUSHED! (the shame!)

$50 down, and not a penny won by the group at our “lucky table”, i still felt like my money was pretty well spent. i’d spend that or more on a usual friday dinner at caiola’s or the blue spoon, and not get nearly as much adventure (plus hello, fanta on tap!). which is not to say that i’ll be adventuring every weekend. i’m thinking i’ll go back maybe once a month (or every other month) and bring some friends to take in all the romance that is friday night bingo (although i hear it’s $10 cheaper on sunday). as is my opinion with all gambling, if the experience doesn’t feel worth the money, then it doesn’t really matter how much you might win. bingo for me gets an unequivocal thumbs up. plus, if we don’t get the younger generation in there- it looks like bingo might die off completely in a couple of year. no disrespect, but man those people are old.

you can check out the rest of the photos of my bingo escapade at my newly forged flickr account.

bingo.

no seriously. are you looking at this? i would like to take this opportunity to thank the amazing julie who sent me arguably the most hilarious/awesome present i have ever received. not only was it an incredibly nice thing to do, but are you looking at it?  i mean, how could i have lived my life until now not knowing that this existed? god bless new orleans for knowing that universe needed these. lots of these.

and if you’re wondering if i’ll be wearing it next week when i throw myself into the dog eat dog world of weeknight bingo, the answer is an unequivocal HELLS YES. i need to show those grannies who’s boss. i will also be wearing it at foxwoods next weekend- regardless of whether i’m playing bingo or not.  actually, i’m considering wearing it all the time. i think it will work  seamlessly into my office casual wardrobe.

let the gambling begin.

as i stated last week, i’m going to be gambing it up this month to prove to myself that gambling is not really a viable source of income.  in theory, i already know this. regardless, i repeatedly buy scratch tickets and pump quarters into slot machines because somehow i want to believe that i could be the lucky one.  hey, at least i have a  foolishly optimistic side.  also, i won’t lie- i think it will be fun to give myself permission to be hopeful and reckless. you know, for science. recklessness aside, there will be parameters.

first and foremost, the amount of money i allow myself for this little adventure, and how i spend it:

total amount allotted for the month: $250

amount to be spent weekly on scratch ticktets & powerball: $20

amount to be spent on weekend field trip to foxwoods: $100

amount to be spent on mini adventures in the world of bingo & internet gambling, etc.: $70

actually, if anyone knows of something fun that i could gamble on, let me know. (anything but animal racing- it’s just not an industry i feel good about about supporting).

for my first trick, i will buy 10 $1 scratch tickets of the same variety. i always wondered if people had more luck that way- rather than buying 10 different games. the truth will be revealed later this evening!

the basement lab.

maybe i’m a masochist and i’m just not fully aware of it, but i really enjoy experimenting on my life.  and not just in a “i love trying new things that might be fun” kind of way. more like a “i love trying new things that have high potential for disaster and terror but that might end up being a funny story” kind of way. recently, that uncontrollable impulse has developed into a master plan for this blog. starting next month, i am going to spend each month of 2010 exploring an element of debt, finance, saving, spending, and money in general. it took me 32 years to develop these bad habits, and i think that shaking things up a little might help me gain a new perspective.

unlike a lot of coupon/personal finance blogs out there, i’m not debt free. i don’t have the answers. i fall off the wagon almost every day. in no way am i trying to get people to live like me (what a mess!). more than anything, i’m sharing my own extremely off-road journey to financial responsibility, knowing full well that i may never get there. but hoping that maybe if we stumble around in the dark together for a while, eventually, we’ll figure something out.

but on to the good stuff! here is what i have planned so far for financial adventures. please note- these are not all just exercises in frugality, they are designed to help me explore money from every dimension- socially, morally… the whole shebang.

february- gambling. this month, i’m going to press my luck and see how viable various forms of gambling are in terms of making money. yeah, i know the odds are against me. yeah, i know that gambling can be addictive. but i’m curious, and foolhardy, and want to try it first hand. i have decided on fixed amount (check back in february for the big reveal), and will be investigating everything from scratch tickets, to bingo halls, to online gambling (can you say weekend trip to foxwoods?) big money! no whammies!

march- $1000 challenge. at various points in my life, i’ve had to find money quickly (remember that time i got fired from my $10/hour temp job with $7 in my bank account?), and have had varying levels of success. in march, i’m going to see what i can do to raise myself a little capital in just 31 days.  the goal is $1000. odd jobs, etsy, ebay, bake sale… whatever. as long as it’s not completely demoralizing (moderately demoralizing is ok), or completely illegal, i’m game.

april- all cash. how do people live without credit cards? checks? i try to figure it out when i spend the month of april on an all-cash diet.

well, that’s three months… i’ve got a few more ideas percolating, but i could definitely use a few more. want to see me do something crazy, now’s your chance!