weekend pickthrough- secret hot pockets edition.

i just wanted to thank you all for your kind words and encouragement  (as well as general hoots and “take it all offs”) regarding my big burlesque debut on thursday. the cliff’s notes update is that no, i didn’t win. but, i did rock my piece as hard as i could, and there were no broken legs or embarrassing urinary mishaps. you will however have to wait at least another day or two until my full write up is finished for the maine observer (assuming i write something that they actually want to publish). however, in my travels, i did come across an extremely interesting bit of noteworthy information. it all went down like this:

FRIEND: (re: me needing a post titty-shakin snack) man, geno’s should serve food.

ALLIE: um, why would you want to eat there? it’s a dive bar that used to be a porno theater? (*for those of you who weren’t around portland 15 years ago, it used to be the “fine art cinema”- classy!).

of course i thought it was hilarious, and immediately posted it to twitter. along with a lot of discussions about other places in portland too dirty for food consumption, this little tidbit popped up:

from @sukisusan: Rumor is that by law they must serve food. So they have a freezer full of Hot Pockets.

i brushed it off a brilliant joke, and then the next morning, this comment surfaced:

from @seanwilk: they have Hot Pockets. #true

could it be? on my lunch break friday, i decided to call geno’s and get the lowdown. in the most awkward phone conversation that i’ve probably ever had in my life- IT WAS CONFIRMED. some sort of weird licensing regulation requires them to be able to serve hot food. the answer- A FREEZER FULL OF HOT POCKETS. and they’re not just for show, you can order and consume those bitches (although i did forget to ask how much the cost- damn!). get to it!

i’m proud of my state for a lot of reasons, but this isn’t one of them.

two events worth putting on your calendar RIGHT NOW: WMPG electronica booze cruise, and goodwill of northern new england halloween ball bitches!

all my sexiest cheese fantasies are finally coming true (and for only $4).

once i get the ikea bus going, this is my next portland improvement venture.

so i entered this writing contest… could somebody else please enter so that mine isn’t the only crazy silly one. for some reason, people seem to think that good writing has to be SAD writing. i don’t get it…

there’s nothing you can say that will ever make me think that ebooks are better than paper books.  NEVER!

thanks to a tip from the amazing tina at scrawled in a corner, i now know that there are FULL EPISODES OF DARIA on mtv.com. solid.

just what i always suspected, iphone users are kind of sluts.

first lebron, and now grimace? this free agency thing is getting out of hand.

why can’t i own a canadian?! (via younger cougar)

weekend picktrhough- hotel bar boozin edition.

i should really make an effort to round up the weekend pickthrough a little earlier in the day. namely, before i’ve had half a pizza (an incredible specimen in mushroom & cauliflower from otto on congress street), three bowls of party mix, and a couple of very stiff cocktails at the top of the east (apparently the go-to bar in portland if you think you’re on the jersey shore). basically, if this weekend pickthrough feels like it’s half in the bag, it’s because it is.

a traveling toy store of amazing artness. here, in portland. right now.

screw disney! all the cool kids are spending their summer vacations haunting abandoned theme parks.

it’s not an unbelievable discount if it comes with a side of bedbugs. BEWARE the budget hotel of horrors.

just when you thought that food couldn’t get any more hilarious/disgusting… in strolls the mcgangbang.

the onion’s most hilarious joke ever.

unlike the pogs of my youth, at least sillybandz will still have a function once the insane trend wave finally crashes on the beach.

the most beautiful dry erase animation ever about what motivates us. (very surprising)

dear grandma, stockpiling would make more sense if you were feeding more than just you and grandpa. plus, this expired salad dressing is gross.

if you don’t want me to make fun of you, you might want to stop leaving me these passive aggressive notes.

apparently my friends sam & BJ aren’t looking out for me as much as i thought. (i thought we were friends!)

just to open a little friendly discussion… is it just me, or does grimace look like a giant scrotum?