i have bird lice, and it’s ok.

fuck shame. fuck embarrassment. fuck not being able to ask for help when you need it because your problem is weird or gross or unsanitary.

i am DONE with it.

when i was a kid, i was ruled by shame. in the 5th grade, i told everyone i didn’t know how to swim so that no one would see the explosion of stretchmarks on my hips and thighs. i didn’t even know what they were, i just knew that they were ugly and abnormal and that i should hide them and quietly hate my body for betraying me. which did, for YEARS. even as an adult, i have never owned a bathing suit that wasn’t skirted.

and there was another time in 3rd grade when i poured AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF PINE SOL on my head because i was worried i might have head lice (i didn’t) and was too ashamed to ask my mom to look. i guess i’m pretty lucky that i didn’t blind myself.

i know that i’ve been writing about stuff that is gross and weird lately. i know that there are probably more fun things to read about. but i just get so tired of everyone being to scared, or polite, or embarrassed to really talk about some of the crazy shit that just happens as a byproduct of being alive. life is gross and scary sometimes, but it’s even worse if you think you’re alone.

so without further ado, let me tell you about my weekend.

little emergencies.

i know i promised that i was done talking about gross medical stuff for a while, but what i really meant is that i was done talking about gross fibroid related medical stuff for a while. and i totally am. actually, things in that area appear to be going pretty well.

but as appears to be the law when it comes to my health, it’s time for something else to go wrong. nothing big, just a really amazing UTI. but enough to send me to the emergency again. i really need to get a big jar to save all of my hospital bracelets in. i’m getting quite the impressive collection.

but, i wouldn’t be bothering  you with the exciting details off my busted urinary tract if i hadn’t learned a valuable lesson or two in the process of peeing in that cup (pictured at left).