chastity belt.

well, i made it through two weeks on $68, only to find myself in almost the exact same predicament again this month. will i ever live to float above the desperate line?  and i’m not desperate because i’m feeding my kids (or even my dog), or putting myself through school so i can stay off the pole. nope. i’m a victim of my own careless spending.

although i no longer spend money that’s not mine (credit cards), i do certainly rob myself of the pleasure of things like a reasonable savings account, or even just the comfort of being able to manage my money like a responsible adult (what, $7 isn’t enough for groceries?).

so last monday, i decided that i was going get my shit together and go on the “all cash system” that everyone financially responsible is always raving about. i  took $60 out of the ATM.

by tuesday night, i had gone out to eat 3 times and bought a new dress. i had burned through my cash and was using my card again. ALREADY.

this is exactly what happens to me when i go on a diet. by telling myself that i can’t have food that i want, i automatically end up eating 4 times more than i otherwise would… like somehow i think that by dieting, that means that i’m never going to eat anything good again. so i spaz out and eat everything.

it is clear that i am too stupid to overcome these impulse control problems with logic. thus, my only remaining option: BRUTE FORCE.

simply, i can’t spend money if i don’t have it. and this week, i’m giving up control. i have a small stash of bills (very small this week), and the debit card has been safely handed over to the boyfriend with strict instructions not to let me have it unless it’s an utter emergency.

like medical or family emergency, not amazing dress on sale emergency.

this can’t possibly not work. right?

any other crazy ideas out there for wrapping my hands a little more tightly around my financial situation? or am i hopelessly hopeless?

 

uh oh.

i’m in trouble. not entirely sure how it happened, but my $1,200 post tax season cushion is COMPLETELY GONE, and i have exactly enough money to pay my bills… leaving me about $68 to last me until my next pay day. oh, did i mention that i get paid every TWO WEEKS?

FUCK.

summer is the spendiest time of year for me, filled with after work margaritas, flea marketing and new sun dresses… in the last month, i indiscriminately blew through over $1,000 of  lazy $12 “i forgot to pack my lunch” days, several “OMG this skirt is only  $18” days, and everyone’s favorite “i can’t show up to this brunch without at least $20 worth of champagne and donuts” days… i really have no idea what i bought, but i had a crazy exciting month, so i’m sure it was fabulous.

being broke, markedly less fabulous.

i spy: it’s a trap!

i saw something kind of funny today on congress street that i’d never seen before. a hilariously handwritten sign (with the word “guaranteed” papered over no fewer than 3 times due to misspelling) in the window of paul’s food center (OF COURSE) advertised that their in-store ATM would occasionally dispense $50 bills instead of $20s for certain “lucky” patrons. like a slot machine!

my initial reaction was “dude, i need some $20s RIGHT NOW”. even though i needed nothing of the sort… but the more i started to think about it the more i realized what a seductive but terrible idea it was.

at least in atlantic city, you get cheap drinks and all you can eat buffets. to me, it’s the experience that warrants the careless throwing of money into outer space.

my bank charges me $2+ every time i use an out of network ATM (which with my tiny local credit union is pretty much all of them). even in atlantic city, i have a panic attack every time i get anywhere near the $1 slots- and those have a much larger potential payoff! why on earth would i go out of my way to pay $2+ to the paul’s food center ATM, when i’m probably never gonna get that whopping $50 jackpot?

that’s how they get you!

i have to admit, it’s a pretty brilliant plan to get people to use your ATM…and i’m pretty embarrassed that i almost fell for it. if i’m ever in the area and need cash, and i’m gonna have to pay a fee no matter where i go… i’ll probably stop in at paul’s. it may not be the big cha-ching, but an extra $30 is never a bad thing.