weekend pickthrough- it’s totally still sunday edition.

i have never seen more truly awful images in my life than i have today google image searching the word "sunday" . this was supposed to be a picture of a pair of "days of the week" underpants. but apparently, THIS IS WHAT YOU GET. good day.

ok. so i posted about my adventures at the mittapheap instead of doing the pickthrough yesterday… i just didn’t want to have 2 pickthroughs back to back. i could have skipped it entirely, but then there were a bunch of hot links that i didn’t want to get cold. also, i was sick. also, daylight saving time… i blame everyone/everything else but me. (and i’m positive that assessment will hold up in a court of law.) (did i mention that i watched 3 seasons of law & order SVU this weekend?)

so yeah, let’s keep this quick and dirty. here are the goods:

yes, auto-europe even has travel guides for vampire slayers.

joseph gordon levitt vs. kittens. NO CONTEST.

48 hours in lewiston auburn. (no really, it’s cool, i promise)

everyone loves an infographic about graveyard symbolism. right?

i never tire of looking at pretty girls in pretty clothes.

oh god. i guess i’ll be buying local honey from here on out…

this sock bun tutorial is going to revolutionize the way i handle my frequently unwashed hair.

i haven’t painted my nails in years, yet i find myself fully obsessed with the supernaturally perfect manicures on this nail polish blog.

a totally weird article about outsourcing fast food drive throughs… (or is it spelled THRU?)

why don’t i find awesome shit like this when i go thrifting?

forcing people to look like they’re shoplifting- for art. sorry lady, i don’t want your damn dirty break-up sweater.

weekend pickthrough- icy dip edition.

ok, first let’s forget that it’s not the weekend. then, let’s give me a free pass for not posting last night because i was sick, and had a ridiculously insane weekend that included dunking my pasty flesh into icy ocean water while wearing polar bear ears and a tutu. i can’t say that my cold is any better for having done it (i’m fearing that i may have risked a sinus infection), but it was actually a pretty amazing experience. first and foremost, i did it with my two best friends (plunging your head under water in the middle of february is a whole lot easier when you’re holding hands and counting to 3 together). secondly, we raised almost $1,000 for camp sunshine (which made me feel pretty fucking great because i HATE fundraising). it was COLD AS SHIT, and i thought i might lose some digits to frostbite as soon as my wet flesh hit the icy air (36 degrees my ass), but it was over fast- and most of what i remember is the feeling of ultimate victory for having done something so ballsy, and the part where i got tipsy on mimosas and ate breakfast gnocchi at the front room afterward with some of my favorite people. verdict: polar dipping is incredible (if somewhat stupid and crazy). i think this week, i will write some original content for the wcsh6 blog about “how to be a polar dipper”, because when i was trying to figure out what it was going to be like, there was jack shit for resources.

and now, some random crap!

i don’t even know how to drive… yet somehow, i want a landrover now.

OH GOD NO!

who says that recent law school grads are having a tough time finding jobs?

the absence of the towels.

i’d never even heard of a lustron home before, and thanks to this article, now I’M OBSESSED. (too bad there aren’t any in maine)

this was funny in 2000, and it’s still funny now.

do you know the unspoken rules of the urinal?

fitness instructors of america- get your best hand job concentration face on and get ready to be the next shake weight trainer!

no seriously, there’s actually a movie called JOHNNY SKIDMARKS. (has anyone seen it?)

weekend pickthough- shiny and new edition.

in 2010, i had hoped that i would have both the time and the cash to give the ole website a total overhaul. well, that didn’t happen. but i did think that was time at least for a teensy little update. so voila! a shiny new pile of icons (for all the contact and social media crap you guys could ever want), and now even though it’s still a free wordrpress blog… the URL looks like a real website (broke207.wordpress.com still works too)! not entirely monumental, but at least SOMETHING. perhaps this month i will see if there is anything else worth tweaking (any suggestions?). but for now, you should probably thank me for these nice new updates by nominating me for best blog on the phoenix best of 2011 poll.

dude. TWISTER RAIN COAT. (thanks cindy!)

easily the most interesting tidbit of local news in the last 10 years. (spoiler- STRIPPER FIGHT!!!)

i’m positive that there’s a steamed clams joke in here somewhere…

chrystie over at ilovetogossip got a little lovin from local media this week! (OMG, did you know her sister is on the bachelor right now?)

i know this really hot girl who got a pair of pajama jeans from her brother for xmas, and now that’s all she ever wears. TRAGEDY.

the mysteries of the asian aging process revealed.

“I guess I need a snake lover,” he told The Daily Mail. “Or someone with multiple mongooses.”

how could it have possibly taken me this long to find out that hugh jackman has a tiny dog named PEACHES?

weekend pickthrough- put your sorries in a sack edition.

yeah. it’s been a ROUGH WEEK, and holy shit i’m sorry i haven’t posted. this is actually the longest i’ve ever gone neglecting my poor blog, but i assure you it was necessary! 6:30 am get up and walk dog, 7:45 am leave for work, 5 pm leave work, 5:15 pm grab a snack and pack bag, 6 pm arrive at show for performance, 11 pm return home from performance, eat snack, do laundry if applicable, 12-2 am go to sleep- maybe. wash. rinse. repeat.

i finally got a chance to sleep a bit this weekend (ok, 12 hours each night), but i still feel like i’m gasping for breath. and as i’m slowly bobbing to the surface for air, the universe is stuffing an xmas stocking in my mouth trying to smother me a bit further. anyway, i know my apologies mean nothing, but i’m giving them to you anyway (and you’ll take them! or else!).

here’s some mass linkage to help ease the pain. you may even get a real entry tomorrow!

waking up to a freshly ironed dress and a half-eaten watermelon, gary suspected elaine was back on ambien.

welcome to photo 1. please leave your photos of homeless squirrels romping in a graveyard as shot through your rearview mirror at the door.

harness the force and make yourself some festive last minute party decorations.

the free press compares hannaford, trader joes, and whole foods so that i don’t have to.

kind of a cool idea, until someone tries to rob you.

epic local cupcake showdown. and i do mean epic. oh, and epic over here too.

wow, this whitman’s sampler is serious about putting the christ back in christmas.

can’t go wrong with a heartwarming xmas tale where the punchline is “NAKED SANTA”.

3 bedrooms, 4 baths, and an unspeakable loneliness we can’t contemplate.

and emotionally scarring human interest story to brighten your morning!

best ink cartridge description EVER.

dewey decimal THIS.

 

weekend pickthrough- cleaning up my act edition.

it’s been a wacky summer. once upon a time, i posted 5 or more times a week. i deal hunted. i cataloged. i photographed my groceries like a crazy person. then sometime this summer, i got lazy. or busy. or both. not to be a crybaby, but committing to writing a blog every day (or almost every day) is really hard. nowadays i’m lucky if i can squeeze out one post between weekend pickthroughs. NOT COOL. anyway, consider this weekend pickthrough my profound apology, and sincere promise to try and get back to where i was when i started (or at least closer to it). here is a list of my potentially empty promises to you:

1. i will try to write at least 4 times a week. even if the posts are kind of crappy.

2. i will try harder to respond to comments within 48 hours, unless there’s like a 100 of them, which totally never happens.

3. i will relaunch my diet blog being bess marvin with a totally sweet (ok, actually, it’s kind of lame, but it does involve free candy) giveaway.

4. i will bring back the “worth the trip” feature, and actually get some deals up in this business.

ok, i should probably distract you with some weekend pickthrough right now, before i say anything else that could potentially end up being a lie. what i can promise you, is that you’ll never look at a snuggie the same way again.

you’ll also never be able to read your babysitter’s club books again.

a creative use for burritos! (although, i think i’d probably use bagels instead).

karate bears!

the mostly true adventures of lepage and rooks. (seriously, 207ers DO NOT LET THIS HAPPEN TO OUR STATE).

i was never a hairdryer person or a gun person, but now i might be both.

no, mocha dick isn’t a porn title. but it totally should be.

you really can buy EVERYTHING on amazon.com, but the product descriptions here are priceless.

i really should have named my dog majestic crystal. although if brother brent doesn’t show up, maybe i can just hook up with this guy.

this is gonna make my ipad so awesome! you know, when i get one. or steal one. or make one in my garage.

weekend pickthrough- surprising free stuff edition.

so a while back, i got one of those really sweet amazon free magazine deals, and i got a subscription to marie claire magazine. obviously not a terribly remarkable event, but it would be the catalyst for me getting a UPS package full of crazy free stuff last week, so listen up.

so, by subscribing to their magazine, i got the “privlige” of winding up on the marie claire email list- most of which i deleted and ignored. except one.

“join the marie claire style council”

it was really unclear exactly what the job involved (and still is), but i heard the magic word “free stuff, and decided to fill out the survey. and then, congratulations! the next survey. and then one more survey after that. and then, i had to make a video. 2 minutes about how fashionable and articulate i am. i had a month to get the job done, and i had all these lofty plans about scripting and star wipes… but somehow i ended up waiting until 3 am the night before the videos were due, and did the whole thing on my laptop web cam in bad light in my sweatpants. i was an ugly, styleless, babbling mess, and i assumed that it would mark my end journey toward hot fashion magazine swag.

not so!

a few weeks after the video disaster (so humiliating that even in my general shamelessness, i refuse to put it up on you tube for the world to scrutinize), i got an email telling me that i had been selected for a telephone interview. weird. another 10 minutes of crazy babbling and manic giggles, apparently i impressed my (very patient) interviewer with my knowledge of some more obscure labels (at least that heinous fashion job i had for 2 years was good for something!). i was in! although i’m still not entirely sure what that means. all i do know is that they sent me a sweet package full of random free stuff just to say hello. fancy kitchen spray, some sorta novel, tote bag…

on an partially related note, i also go a weird email from a local marketing firm about product testing out some new flavors of baileys coffee creamer for national coffee day! although national coffee day is 9/29, and i still haven’t gotten my samples yet, so maybe they changed their mind. regardless, people are at least considering sending me free stuff, and i like it.

oh, and here’s some random weekend pickthrough stuff. i had a busy week, so it’s less than impressive, but those hipster dinosaurs make it ok.

this volcano used to have integrity (and other sentiments from hipster dinosaurs).

a big list of things that you think are true, but totally aren’t. (i’m a little crushed that george washington carver didn’t actually invent peanut butter)

i completely forgot that there were movies at the PMA, and october there are some pretty kick ass selection. mark your calendar for october 29th- damnationlad. 7 short horror films from maine directors. apparently, it’s “the way life should bleed”.

just so we all don’t have to have any embarrassing showgirls style faux pas, somebody finally made a resource to help us clueless jerks figure out how to pronounce fashion designer’s names.

kind of a gross article that involves the most hilarious star wars gag i’ve heard in a long time.

calling all single ladies! the classiest craigslist personal ad ever. (jump on this shit now before it disappears!)

weekend pickthrough- secret hot pockets edition.

i just wanted to thank you all for your kind words and encouragement  (as well as general hoots and “take it all offs”) regarding my big burlesque debut on thursday. the cliff’s notes update is that no, i didn’t win. but, i did rock my piece as hard as i could, and there were no broken legs or embarrassing urinary mishaps. you will however have to wait at least another day or two until my full write up is finished for the maine observer (assuming i write something that they actually want to publish). however, in my travels, i did come across an extremely interesting bit of noteworthy information. it all went down like this:

FRIEND: (re: me needing a post titty-shakin snack) man, geno’s should serve food.

ALLIE: um, why would you want to eat there? it’s a dive bar that used to be a porno theater? (*for those of you who weren’t around portland 15 years ago, it used to be the “fine art cinema”- classy!).

of course i thought it was hilarious, and immediately posted it to twitter. along with a lot of discussions about other places in portland too dirty for food consumption, this little tidbit popped up:

from @sukisusan: Rumor is that by law they must serve food. So they have a freezer full of Hot Pockets.

i brushed it off a brilliant joke, and then the next morning, this comment surfaced:

from @seanwilk: they have Hot Pockets. #true

could it be? on my lunch break friday, i decided to call geno’s and get the lowdown. in the most awkward phone conversation that i’ve probably ever had in my life- IT WAS CONFIRMED. some sort of weird licensing regulation requires them to be able to serve hot food. the answer- A FREEZER FULL OF HOT POCKETS. and they’re not just for show, you can order and consume those bitches (although i did forget to ask how much the cost- damn!). get to it!

i’m proud of my state for a lot of reasons, but this isn’t one of them.

two events worth putting on your calendar RIGHT NOW: WMPG electronica booze cruise, and goodwill of northern new england halloween ball bitches!

all my sexiest cheese fantasies are finally coming true (and for only $4).

once i get the ikea bus going, this is my next portland improvement venture.

so i entered this writing contest… could somebody else please enter so that mine isn’t the only crazy silly one. for some reason, people seem to think that good writing has to be SAD writing. i don’t get it…

there’s nothing you can say that will ever make me think that ebooks are better than paper books.  NEVER!

thanks to a tip from the amazing tina at scrawled in a corner, i now know that there are FULL EPISODES OF DARIA on mtv.com. solid.

just what i always suspected, iphone users are kind of sluts.

first lebron, and now grimace? this free agency thing is getting out of hand.

why can’t i own a canadian?! (via younger cougar)

weekend pickthrough- full puppy takedown edition.

everyone, meet kazuki. finally, i have a dog to call my own, and it’s totally awesome beyond my expectations (seriously, are you looking at this dog?). but, it’s also totally tiring beyond my expectations. as it turns out, puppies can not be left alone ever, because they will chew/eat/throw up everything you own. this means that i have to get up an hour earlier than usual, i’m responsible for 2+ poop walks per day (including one that eats my lunchbreak every work day), and that i can’t ever really pay full attention to anything… because i’ve got to have one eyeball on that little guy at all times. i’m pretty sure  this is why everyone who squealed in excitement about us getting a dog, punctuated that squeal with the phrase “puppies are a lot of work”. so yes, puppies are a lot of work, and i have absolutely no regrets, but if i owe you:

an email
a graphic design project
a guest post
a blog redesign
a coffee date
or anything else that i’ve probably already forgotten about…

it’s probably because i’m passed out in a pile of shredded newspaper, or out on the streets hunting for a chew toy that simulates the mouth feel of human flesh. perhaps i could make up for my negligence with some quality puppy time?

no seriously… i said my teeth are real diamonds (kanye & new yorker cartoons. two great things that taste great together).

i scored an 8 on this crazy color acuity test, and so far no one else has even come close. it’s your job to put my in my place.

typestaches!

nike does a little recycling. (it involves big asses and lively feminist debate, you’ll love it).

i’d never even heard of such a thing before, but card skimmers are scary and could be hiding anywhere.

food and fashion don’t come in a more adorable package, let’s hear it for my new favorite local blog… sweetersalt!

i hate that supporting my beloved marden’s these days feels like supporting this jackass.

i would also like to send out a big sloppy thank you to original portland, brews & books, and portland maine daily photo for mentioning my cheap eats article (all excellent blogs absolutely worth checking out). what’s also crazy, is that not a single person has mentioned the lack of meat!

weekend pickthrough- puppy adventure edition

squeeeeee! it is confirmed. a shiba inu puppy will be descending upon my universe NEXT WEEKEND. there is much to do in the way of puppy proofing, and scheduling of vet visits, and other such unexciting administrative whatnot… but for now (before i have to cover up my furniture and purchase a product called urine gone), let us just revel for a moment in the glory that is THE PUPPIES. i still don’t know which one will be coming home with me, but considering the fact that i have considered stuffing all of them in my purse and running at one point or other, i don’t think that disappointment is really a possibilty. oh, and here’s the weekend pickthrough or something… (although wouldn’t you just prefer to look at puppy pictures instead?)

a real live escort spills her dirty secrets (to some dude named woody).

best parallel parking job EVER.

how do i get this guy’s job? (not that i have a thing for bieber, but i do love that tiger beat)

could you wear nothing but the same six articles of clothing for a whole month? these shopaholic bitches did.

my favorite fashion blogger expands her empire to tumblr.

i thought that hobo spanx were bad, but i draw the line at self surgery.

i’ve been too much of a pussy to try out reusable feminine hygiene products, but the fearless girl with the red balloon makes the conversion effortlessly. should i go for it?

the portland food-cart world has a shockingly vicious underbelly (ok, more like marginally passive aggressive underbelly, but still).

ludicrous dress codes of the world unite!

weekend pickthrough- a little queasy edition.

i don’t know what’s up with me this week. feeling exhausted, disoriented, and a little queasy. maybe the heat, humidity, some kind of virus (don’t you even think about suggesting preggo or i will cut you)? whatever it is, i’ve been finding myself passed out on my laptop more nights than not, with good post ideas and zero energy to write them. having hopes that the impending rain will bring some relief, and that i can get back to my old energy level sometime soon. otherwise, i’m going to have to start snorting adderall or something, and god knows what that would do to my budget.

i need one of these so that i can make my real life a little more facebook.

a surprisingly clever way to remember multiple passwords.

candy sprinkles? brandy alexander? i need some serious help coming up with a burlesque name if i’m going to compete in strut next month. or i can just crap out and use this random generator…

i’m inspired! expect a forthcoming post on the enchantments of discount bakery.

first the candwich, and now this? is there anything that they aren’t canning these days? (um no, apparently not).

hands down the best article i’ve ever read about hosting  your own garage sale.

cardamom and cornflakes? pop rocks and goji berries? it’s time to get chocomized.

p.s. the picture accompanying this post is actually from an educational coloring book. is it just me, or is that a little messed up?