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so back in december when i became all single and jazz, i had a little bit of a dating related meltdown. perhaps you remember it? no?

reader’s digest version: 10 years off the market and i found myself completely  clueless about virtually everything dating related or if i would even be attractive to anyone at 34, when the last time i was open for business i was a nubile 24 year old with a temp job and questionable decision making skills.

but at the time, my breakup wounds were fresh, and the actual dating conundrum could wait. i avoided thinking about it. i shopped my way through the move into the bachelor hole. i focused my attentions on the happiness and well being of my true life partner, kazuki.

but here we are 5 months later, and things are all kinds of unexpectedly different (except for kazuki being my soul mate. that’s forever).

i’ll start by telling you a little story about something that happened a few weeks ago:

it’s unitard time!

so there was a little mix up down at the old swapmaine farm, and two of us accidentally wrote a post about the same thing.  the solution, the crazier of the two posts (surprise!) has been quarantined to this blog. maybe you’ll enjoy it, it’s about unitards. however, if you’re looking for more dignified fare… the real post is scheduled to be released into the wild at midnight tonight on the swapmaine blog. perhaps you can write a 5 paragraph essay comparing & contrasting them.

T-minus 2 weeks until the swap, and you’ve probably been spending a lot of your free time running sprints and practicing packing and unpacking bags in preparation for the big day.  Well, if you want to be truly prepared for the blessed event, you also need to consider the perfect functional attire for the zero hour.

I would like to recommend the unitard.

Perfect for its speedy lack of wind resistance, and its sleek ability to fit seamlessly under any garment, the unitard is the ultimate solution to the clothing swap under-dressing conundrum. Coming in a variety of colors, types (mock turtleneck? full body?), and levels of shiny-ness, the only real feature that I find to be lacking is pockets. well, pockets and the fact that nobody actually looks good in a unitard…

So let’s be practical here. You probably don’t own a unitard (and that’s tragic, but let’s try to stay positive here), but the concept can be translated fairly easily into real-life apparel that will make your swapping experience a little bit easier:

1. Wear something close fitting. There aren’t really fitting rooms at the swap, so if you want to try things on, you will have to try them on over your clothes. If you’re wearing cargo pants and a bulky sweater, the effect could be misleading and infinitely less than cute. Leggings and a tank top, or even skinny jeans and  t-shirt work pretty well as a functional base layer.

2. Wear something lightweight. You’re going to be lading yourself down with sacks of new clothes, and any extra layers to carry around will just be burdensome. Also, all that swapping action is likely to generate a little heat. You don’t want to be sweating all over the swappables, or get tired and go home early because it’s hot and you’re cranky. Swapping is all about endurance.

3. Wear something cute. This in fact might be the most critical factor of all. Not only are Nate & Laura from Fore Front Fashion going to be wandering around snapping all the action, but you’ll also have the opportunity to get famous in our Swapperazzi photo booth. Just throw together your best swapped ensemble, step into the booth, and the fine ladies at Swap.com could put your picture up for the world to ogle.  So yes, cute shoes. (I personally will be throwing elbows to get to these).

in other swapmaine related news…

the swag bag donation list is getting sexier every day. although if these earrings don’t turn up in the bags, it’s because i stole them all.

early drop-off dates have been announced!  so if you want to get in for free, pick one and put it on your calendar. (i’ll be there the 19th if you wanna come say hello)

coming up for air.

this thanksgiving, i was thankful for a lot. finally getting to hang out with my mom on a holiday (it’s been 2 years!), fake gravy that tasted as good as regular gravy (way to go gardein!), and of course not having to go to work (although i did have to work on friday :P). but my biggest moments of gratefulness came long after dinner was through, and we were perched on the cusp of our black friday adventure.

now let me start by reminding you all that i am FUCKING EXHAUSTED. between burlesque rehearsals, costumes, midnight trips to boston, and trying to keep the pulse on this blog beating at least a little, i don’t get a lot of sleep. lately, it seems like less than ever. by 10 pm on thanksgiving evening, after 2 slices of pie, several pounds of mashed potatoes, and a lively and hour long debate with my mom about whether or not it’s irresponsible for people to have big families in the current economic climate (i’m looking at you michelle duggar), i was PRACTICALLY COMATOSE.

grateful moment #1: the boyfriend agrees  to skip our midnight walmart trip (sorry $6 lord of the rings trilogy) and go home to sleep instead.

admittedly i was still up until almost midnight looking for my lost CVS card (eventually found, but not before a significant meltdown). i was definitely not looking forward to my 4:30 am wake up call.

grateful moment #2: the boyfriend’s alarm clock doesn’t go off, and we wake up at 5:45.

ok, so we missed waiting outside the target in the slush, and getting to be first in line, but the extra hour and 45 minutes was an amazing gift. also, when we finally did get to target, there wasn’t much worth fighting for. the $2 movie titles SUCKED (random greatest american hero episodes?), and the line was more insane than anything i had ever seen before. it wound from the front registers all the way through the back of the store, through the toy and electronics departments, and ostensibly through some sort of wormhole in the center of the store.

grateful moment #3: after viewing the target line, the boyfriend (who is a black friday purist- a bargain warrior who got me into this mess in the first place) looked at me and said “fuck this shit, i’m shopping on amazon”.

basically, we just ended up chilling out at the mall for an hour or so, and then getting some burger king breakfast before i had to go back to work. even though the bargains were minimal, and i didn’t manage to score a single $2 dvd, getting things downgraded to low key/low expectations made this the best black friday ever.

here’s what i brought home: