disappearing act.

it’s not that i don’t love you , it’s just that i’m horribly horribly sick. since monday, i’ve been spending all my free time (that i should have been spending writing this blog including and especially the new “worth the trip” feature that i attempted to start last week) oozing mucous from my various orifices. oh, and drooling. my head is so congested right now that i can hear my own heartbeat in my right ear. i don’t know how it works, i just know that it’s gross and i feel like dying. anyway, i’m sorry. i hope to be semi-functional enough to write something tomorrow, but i make no promises. although if you’re really lucky, i’ll write something in a feverish delirium that will confuse and delight! or maybe i just lapse into a whisky and dayquil coma and you won’t hear from me for a couple of days. either way, i haven’t forgotten about you or this blog. i promise!

to entertain you while you’re waiting for me to break out of my snot cocoon, i have some exciting news for everyone! remember that time i had that ridiculous sandwich party? do you also remember how i vowed never to have another house party again? well, as it turns out, i’m a bit fat liar. sort of. i may never have a regular house part again, but come october 9th, i’ll be having a sexy 18+ house party! apparently durex is going to send me a big fat box of condoms and lube (and a vibrator for the hostess!), and we’re all going to get blitzed and watch a very serious video about BECOMING ORGASMIC. that’s all i know for now (do you really need to know more?), but details to come.

sick day.

i’ve been bragging a lot about how i never get sick. last time i did, i barfed for two days. this time, i have become the world’s most foremost producer of mucous. i am grotesque. i spent the better half of the day at work sitting at my desk trying to will my brain case not to explode and cover my whole office with goo. the latter half, i spent face down on my couch whacked out on dayquil. why is this relevant you ask?  well, i speak today on the subject of good timing.

yesterday after work, before the snot avalanche began, i took a trip to rite aid in search of toilet paper. how dare i run out in the first place, but especially during a week where nothing that great is happening in the paper products category.  but poor planning and making do are what i’m good for, so here’s what i came up with:

2 12-packs of cottonelle on sale for $5.99 each.
6 boxes puffs plus (with lotion- for my mangled nose) @ $.79 each.
1 box kashi heart to heart cereal @ $4.99.

total: $21.71

minus:

$5/$20 rite aid video values coupon.
2 $1/1 cottonelle video values coupons (one from last month and one from this month).
$1.50 in random cottonelle newspaper coupons that i had in the stash.
$1/6 puffs plus coupon (again from the newspaper stash).
1 free box of kashi heart to heart cereal or crackers coupon from vocalpoint (i fucking love those guys, and they don’t even pay me to do it).

= $6.22.

no, it’s not free. but in a pinch, 24 rolls of decent toilet paper, a box of fancy pants cereal, and 6 boxes of tissues for $6 is still pretty damn decent.  but back to the good timing. the universe may be punishing me for bragging about my iron immune system (seeming more like aluminum lately), but at least it had mercy enough to get me to buy 6 boxes of tissues in advance. might i add, 3 of which are already open and half gone (upstairs, downstairs, and work).