NSFL: uterine artery embolization is horrible and disgusting PART II

when last we saw our heroine (that’s me), she was smacked out in a hydromorphone haze, leaving her bed only to go to the bathroom (and frequently), get water or juice, or take more pills. i couldn’t walk my dog (trusty nurse zak to the rescue!), put on pants, or eat food of any kind.

at this point, the only major pain was in the gaps between pills if i overslept or forgot. i can’t tell you how many times during those first few days i couldn’t remember whether or not i actually took my pill or not. sort of like those groggy mornings where you can’t remember if you shampooed your hair or not. unfortunately, i would have to err on the side of not taking the pill at all- rather than take a double dose. poisoning myself is a slightly greater concern than too squeaky hair.

but then on tuesday, i sort of woke up. mostly lucid for the first time in days, my first thought was- WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH MY MOUTH?

again, if you’re about to bite into a big sandwich or you want to ask me out on a date- now is the time to debark the story.

narcolepsy.

you may have noticed that i haven’t posted in a few days. i don’t know what’s wrong with me, i just keep falling asleep.

if i were lindsay lohan right now, i would check into a rehab facility for exhaustion (except for the fact that i’m not actually addicted to cocaine and just using it as a cover story). anyone who knows me well knows that i don’t really care much for sleep and avoid doing it at all costs (i average about 4 hours a night in general). i don’t know if it’s the crazy SPRING FEVAH i’ve been rocking, or me just getting old… but i’ve been partaking in a scandalous 8+ hours a night for the last week.

i feel quite perky, but the blog is suffering. and for that, i apologize.

i really did start  a weekend pickthrough on sunday night about how i forget that every time i post something in the “cheap eats” category,  it gets posted on portland food map. and then all the local foodies flock here to tell me what an assmunch i am, and how i don’t know anything about food.  it even featured a picture of really big oranges…

then on monday, i almost posted something about how i felt about the whole bin laden situation… but then i felt like this wasn’t the right place to do that.

anyway, here it is already wednesday, and i still have nothing to show for it except dewy rested skin.  not sure what the rest of this week will look like yet… i have a big burlesque performance on saturday that i’m totally unprepared for. and then of course i have to figure out something nice to do for my mom… so i can’t promise content-palooza or anything. that said, i’ll try to get it up for at least a post or two before the week is through. maybe. in my absence, perhaps you should ready every single archived installment of savage love… or at least just spend some quality time zoning out to the shiba cam.

IKEAbus coma.

today, i took the day off.

i phoned in lazy to easter, and spent the day on the couch cuddling my dog, watching lousy horror movies on netflix, eating stale tony’s donuts, and lapsing in and out of consciousness.

as a person who normally shuns sleep, and tends to work until she passes out on the couch on a nightly basis… i don’t give myself a lot of lazy do-nothing days. actually, i don’t give myself any.

i have to say that the IKEAbus could definitely be classified as a success. nobody yelled at me, or asked for their money back, no fist fights broke out, and nothing burst into flames or turned into radioactive ooze.