if you like me, check this box.

so back in december when i became all single and jazz, i had a little bit of a dating related meltdown. perhaps you remember it? no?

reader’s digest version: 10 years off the market and i found myself completely  clueless about virtually everything dating related or if i would even be attractive to anyone at 34, when the last time i was open for business i was a nubile 24 year old with a temp job and questionable decision making skills.

but at the time, my breakup wounds were fresh, and the actual dating conundrum could wait. i avoided thinking about it. i shopped my way through the move into the bachelor hole. i focused my attentions on the happiness and well being of my true life partner, kazuki.

but here we are 5 months later, and things are all kinds of unexpectedly different (except for kazuki being my soul mate. that’s forever).

i’ll start by telling you a little story about something that happened a few weeks ago:

get dressed!

so enough bummer posts for a minute about fibroids and break ups. can we do a little something fun for a moment maybe?

maybe, we could go shopping.

and we’re not just going to go shopping. we’re going to go shopping for CHEAP, and we’re going to go shopping for a GOOD CAUSE.

southern maine dress for success needs your help!  in the midst of a pretty serious reorganization, they’re finding themselves with an excess of donated clothing and an almost complete lack of funding. it’s sad to see such a cool organization struggling to make ends meet- especially when it’s needed so much in this bunk economy. but we can help them out in the best way we know how- SHOPPING.

they’re having a big ass fundraising sale on saturday from 9-1 (details to the left), and the very best thing you can to do support their organization to come with dollars ready (or plastic. or checkbook. i was informed by amanda from misadventures in portland that the only thing they don’t accept is barter- so leave those chickens at home!) and a desire to score yourself some awesome new clothes (starting at $5!).

i will be there personally elbowing my way to the front of the handbag section, and i’ll be putting my scores up on the facebooks (showboating will be done). you should probably come and make sure that i don’t take ALL the good stuff.

that awkward moment…

… when you realize that your ex husband is the most attractive prospect on an online dating site.

let’s just be clear here. i’m not ready to date.

it’s only been about a month now, and the ex and i are still sharing the same space (and to his credit, he is the most kind and agreeable person i have ever broken up with).  i need to focus my efforts on things like moving, working, breathing, and cuddling my dog. i need to not be an idiot and jump into anything before i’ve had a chance to regroup and recover- at least a little. you know, common sense… blah blah blah, good advice… yadda yadda yadda…

BUT.

the sensible path sorta sucks. it’s lonely. and painful. and sad. so you start to try to make the breakup, the newfound single status (set carefully to your facebook for all to casually notice), more appealing than it really is. you dream of the possibilities. you start to remember everyone you’ve ever had a crush on and stalk them to determine current availability (just in case) (for later):

weekend pickthrough- vacation is over edition.

i just had the worst vacation of my entire life. mostly i stayed home with my very sick dog just trying to get him by until his appointment with the specialist on friday. intermittently, i would cry or eat until i was sick. i basically had to be in the same room with him at all times, so all the things that were on my “TO DO” list (refinish my coffee table, make curtains, do all the laundry, go to the gym every day…) totally to didn’t get done. also, i come out of my week exhausted, cranky, and with a weird (and unattractive) stress rash on my neck. oh, and i gained 3 pounds. work would have been better.

ok, no more whining.

ok, maybe one last whine to punctuate my flamingly shitty week. vet specialst= $600. i was quoted $130 + pills or treatments. and thought, “how bad could it be?” SO BAD. $82 for prescription dog food. $72 for antibiotics! the specialist was actually awesome, and poor kazuki is already much improved from the massive bacterial infection & 2 ear infections that he was sporting this week.  he’ll be in the cone for a while, but a full recovery is in his immediate future. and shit, i would have spent $6,000 if i had to. i would take a bullet for that fucking dog (just look at him).

anyway, here are some awesome links to wash out the taste of badness:

i’m panel of experts famous!

everyone, i’d like you to meet bettysue higgins. this spring, a friend forwarded me this article from the kennebec journal. nothing too fancy, just your garden variety article about a 54 year old secretary embezzling $166,000 from the maine trial lawyers fund. you know, the usual.

over the forthcoming weeks, more and more information would come to light regarding bettysue’s “situation”. normally, i wouldn’t  bother paying too much attention to this kind of small town scandal. but as the details regarding the case began to trickle out, things got more and more bizarre. apparently, this was not bettysue’s first foray into embezzlement, having previously hijacked funds from a both a middle school hot lunch program AND a local little league.

but that’s just the back story. here’s where things got really weird: turns out, bettysue higgins was stealing all this money so that she could level up her character in an online game called yoville (from the same jerks that have infected your facebook stream with farmville invites). bettysue may have been living in a distressed property in the middle of a foreclosure, but in yoville, she was a queen (her character’s name was actually QUEENIE. no jokes). in addition to her queening duties, she was also an active member of the YOVILLE BUSINESS LEADERS ASSOCIATION. yes folks, that is something that actually exists.

going mega. (like $1bus fare mega)

there was a point in time when i was less impressed with facebook. it was something i reserved solely for the ever growing faction of my life who refused to communicate any other way. and then slowly, it crept in there. maybe it was the 3 full days i spent reading every single entry on failbook… maybe it was the fact that it really does feel nice to have people thumbs up my pointless status updates… or maybe, it’s actually a good way to gather information.

case and point, yesterday, liz over at mean mama posted this gem on my wall:

“did you see this, allie? “…if you can plan a few weeks in advance, you can now buy a ticket on the same bus (portland to boston) for as little as $1 one-way through the Megabus website.”

what’s this about a megabus?

according to wikipedia, megabus is “a low-cost bus service in the United States and Canada also owned by Stagecoach Group”. informative!

i didn’t entirely learn much more from the megabus website (TL; DR), but what i did find out is that whenever i plug in a date at least a weekend in advance, the fare is only $1. when i plug in this weekend, $10.

i have no idea how it works, why it works, or how awkward it is to give those concord trailways guys your reservation number and hope they let you on the bus. it’s basically magic. but you know what it’s $1 for something that usually costs $36. and it’s not even on the scummy greyhound where sketchy dudes who smell like pee routinely ask me out on dates.

concord trailways gives you free donuts and juice. hell, you can’t get donuts and juice for $1.  so let’s all get cheap tickets to boston and eat cannolis and take in the electricity show before they realize what what a mistake it is.

ALL SYSTEMS GO!

on monday when i only had 13 tickets sold and no sign of picking up… i was ready to quit this bitch. i really didn’t think it was gonna happen. i even started making other plans for the 23rd.

i don’t know if it was my general sad sackness working the guilt angle, or just that people woke up and realized that they really did need to buy 25 billy book cases in order for their lives to feel complete… but i hit my half way goal and then a little bit more  yesterday.

as of this morning, i’m at 27 seats sold, and i’m sending the bus company my money- eek!  what i’m trying to say is that the IKEA bus is ON. ON. ON.

there are still 23 tickets left that i’m gonna be trying really hard to sell (anybody got any catchy poster ideas?), but the die is cast. i’m going through with it no matter what. i am also taking recommendations for what should go in my local food snack packs.

finally, i want to say THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU to everyone who talked about, facebook liked, and tweeted up this event. many of you couldn’t afford it or had other plans, but you still cheered me on. gennyfer shook down the moms over at raising maine! cindy and matt guilt tripped their coworkers! the entirety of the forge brandsstaff decided to drink the ikea bus kool aid!

anyway, thank you. i am overwhelmed! i make you my solemn promise that the ikea bus will be as awesome as i can possibly make it. and for those of you who can’t join us, i promise frequent twitter updates and lots of goofy pictures of people pretending to poop in the fake ikea display bathrooms.

the edge of extinction.

ok folks, it’s time for us to have a serious sit down discussion about the ikea bus.

the first week of ticket sales was exciting. after the first few days, i had 13 people already and it seemed like things were all systems go.

and then, they stopped going.

i  was stuck at 13 tickets for almost an entire week. and the worst part was that people kept asking me how it was going…

i’m a firm believer that it’s never good for business to tell people that things aren’t going well. so i would say things like “it’s going, but i wanna sell that shit out!” or “it’s coming along, but there’s still room!”. it’s a little awkward. and i’ve been feeling a lot of shame about the fact that it’s not going better. both because i don’t like failing at things, and because i really really do want it to happen.

i sold a few more tickets last week, but just a few. and sadly, my attempts at getting some press coverage turned out to be completely balls. so here i am, stalled out at at 16 tickets (i made the boyfriend promise to buy one, so i could say  17 and not totally be lying).

i’m not sure what happened. 58 people liked my press release on facebook. the eventbrite page has almost 600 page views! and everyone and their grandma keeps telling me what an awesome idea it is. so what gives?

bad timing? no money? not the right time to buy a couch after all? i have no idea.

the truth is that i’m scared. if i can’t get up to at least 25 (preferably 30) by the 7th (that’s THIS THURSDAY), i’m gonna have to cancel. the problem is that the money is mine, and if i don’t get the bus filled , that money still disappears. and i have student loans and a mortgage that can’t let that happen.

i don’t want to beg you. begging isn’t classy. more than anything, i’d like to gently remind you to buy your ticket now if you’re planning on going- or at least send me an email telling me that you’re definitely coming. and i’d also like to warn all the fabulous folks that did buy tickets, that there is currently a high likelihood that the trip will be canceled. so, spread the world to your friends and neighbors if you want it to be on. and if anyone knows a media outlet that might give the ikea bus a little lovin… now is the time to call in some favors!

weekend pickthrough- springing forward into delirium edition.

WHERE IS THAT THIRD ARM COMING FROM!?

losing an hour is the worst. here it is, 2 am, but it feels like 1 am- except for the fact that i’m not gonna get more than 4 hours of sleep, whether i like it or not. it was opening weekend for my show (not too disastrous!), and then i decided to make lentil soup (more details on that tomorrow), and write a blog post for coupon evolution that i should have written on thursday…

tomorrow is gonna be a sleep deprived mess anyway, so i figured i’d squash out at least one more post before i lapsed into a coma. we haven’t picked through the weekend in a while, so here it is (i didn’t say i’d be squashing out a good post):

chasing the white whale.

so a while ago, you might have noticed a little red box pop up on the sidebar region right over there –> this box was gently urging you to consider nominating broke207 for the portland phoenix best of 2011 poll. now, i am not a particularly competitive person by nature (unless of course we’re playing scrabble, in which case I WILL CUT YOU), but all the nominees get to go to pretty kick ass party… and i do enjoy a good time.

now, you might have noticed that the red box has magically morphed into a blue box. this is not magic, nor is it the talents of my hard working special effects team… but yesterday i found out that i actually GOT NOMINATED. i almost peed all over myself at work. sure, i put up the red box (hello, PARTY), and i threw down a facebook post about it… but i really didn’t expect anyone to actually vote for me.

now don’t worry, i’m not gonna get all faux humble on your ass or anything. i’m just really surprised, and really excited, and really grateful. so if you clicked on that box in the last few weeks, thank you. thank you a bunch.

well, i’m not gonna do that thing where i tell you that you have to vote for me, but i would really like it if you voted period. the other nominees for best blog are pretty fucking fantastic, and totally worthy of your support. you can find all of them in my blogroll also over there —-> but for the sake of ease in pointing and clicking, here they are: