worth the trip- makeup project resurrection edition.

or free lipgloss, whatever you’re into.

it’s been a while since i mentioned the makeup project. and well, it’s an xmas season kind of thing, so it didn’t seem necessary to bother y’all too much about it this summer. but all the sudden, it’s cold.  halloween shit is on sale EVERYWHERE (free candy corn @ CVS this week, but vegetarians beware, there will be gelatin!), and i have friends organizing apple picking dates on facebook. the truth has become evident: WINTER IS COMING.

and with this onset of the transition into corn maze and mitten weather, it only seems appropriate that i start to refocus my efforts on my winter projects like the fall SWAPmaine clothing swap, and of course, getting the ole cosmetic hoard for the year together to see how much further i have to go before december rolls around.

i’ve actually been really good so far this year. apparently, CVS changes its cosmetics wall twice a year (which means 75% discount fiesta), but also randomly marks things down throughout the year (just keep your coupon folder handy, and scan for these little round stickers whenever you go in). needless to say, i’ve got a pretty great stash going. here’s the count as of today:

going mega. (like $1bus fare mega)

there was a point in time when i was less impressed with facebook. it was something i reserved solely for the ever growing faction of my life who refused to communicate any other way. and then slowly, it crept in there. maybe it was the 3 full days i spent reading every single entry on failbook… maybe it was the fact that it really does feel nice to have people thumbs up my pointless status updates… or maybe, it’s actually a good way to gather information.

case and point, yesterday, liz over at mean mama posted this gem on my wall:

“did you see this, allie? “…if you can plan a few weeks in advance, you can now buy a ticket on the same bus (portland to boston) for as little as $1 one-way through the Megabus website.”

what’s this about a megabus?

according to wikipedia, megabus is “a low-cost bus service in the United States and Canada also owned by Stagecoach Group”. informative!

i didn’t entirely learn much more from the megabus website (TL; DR), but what i did find out is that whenever i plug in a date at least a weekend in advance, the fare is only $1. when i plug in this weekend, $10.

i have no idea how it works, why it works, or how awkward it is to give those concord trailways guys your reservation number and hope they let you on the bus. it’s basically magic. but you know what it’s $1 for something that usually costs $36. and it’s not even on the scummy greyhound where sketchy dudes who smell like pee routinely ask me out on dates.

concord trailways gives you free donuts and juice. hell, you can’t get donuts and juice for $1.  so let’s all get cheap tickets to boston and eat cannolis and take in the electricity show before they realize what what a mistake it is.

a day at the derby.

so, you’re not riding the IKEAbus. maybe you don’t need furniture, or you don’t have $30, or you have a pathological fear of bus bathrooms… or maybe you’re not just into my shit. whatever the reason, you may have some real estate available on your schedule today.

let me make a suggestion…

in addition to being IKEAbus day, today is also derby day.

but not the kind of derby with the fussy hats and mint juleps, the kind of derby with hot pants and ass kicking. i’m talkin about MAINE ROLLER DERBY bitches!

in the last few years, the maine roller derby scene has caught ON FIRE! and with names like mae snap and fist city kitty, it’s easy to understand why (well, easy for me). basically, if you love sexy fast paced brutality on rollerskates (and who doesn’t?)…

so tomorrow when you’re not riding the IKEAabus, consider taking your sweet self and your spending dollar ($13 at the door) on over to the portland expo at 6 pm to check out the big battle for ultimate rollerderby victory between portland’s own port authority and the boston massacre. i can promise that you will be bowled over by the action and the athleticism, and the fact that not even one of them seems to care if their fingers get rolled over at top speed. the soundtrack to the bout will be provided by todd the rocket, and some half time booty shakin from my favorite peeps at vivid motion.

there’s even a free post-party at the empire dine & dance .

not every town is awesome enough to have rollerderby, but if we want it to stick around, we’ve got to get out there and show these ladies our best fist wavin’ trash talkin’ beer swillinn’ SUPPORT!

*full disclosure- i have no idea if there will be beer or not. cursory google searches told me NOTHING.

tax time: the agony and the ecstasy.

once upon a time, online tax software was not readily available, nor was being online. in my tiny cockroach infested first apartment, i could barely afford to eat- let alone pay for a dial up internet connection (which back in ’99 was all a single girl could dream to afford).

well, when my mom pushed me out of the nest after college, doing my own taxes was part of the deal. but not having preparation software, or even the luxury of being able to google how to do taxes, i was essentially BONED. i had to go to the LIBRARY and pick up paper forms and instruction booklets.

i distinctly remember having a panic attack over my futon full of forms and manuals. gross adjusted what? but i pushed through, did what i thought was probably right (cried on the phone to my mom for an hour or so), and got myself a refund of $500. well, actually $250 after the IRS corrected my copious errors. but it did it! by myself!

after the trauma of paper taxes, the next year i found myself a friend with internet access and vowed to e-file, no matter what the cost. as it turned out, being single renter who had yet to start paying off her student loans (now a distant utopian memory), and was making roughly $20,000 a year (less utopian), was actually an ideal situation. i could file the 1040EZ, and that meant that there were numerous free filing options for broke jerks like me (and there still are).

i chose turbotax, and it was best arbitrary decision i ever made.

get your local on- hungry for a picnic.

it seems like only yesterday that i was pimpin the summer picnic arts & music fest… but alas, winter is here. fortunately with the frosty ass weather, we also get a a second serving of our favorite local indie craft bonanza. thus, this week’s installment of my buy local last minute xmas shopping guide is dedicated to the fine local artists who will be rockin it at winter picnic all weekend long (saturday, dec 11, from noon to 8pm and sunday, dec 12, from noon to 5pm) at the maine irish heritage center (at 34 gray street and state street).

EMBLEM STUDIO: a long time ago, kris johnsen was an intern at a place where i used to work (that will remain nameless). i asked him one day if he could draw, and his answer was: “kinda”. well kris johnsen, you’re a fucking liar. little did i know that our mild mannered intern would grow up to be the most incredible poster artist in town. like HOLY SHIT good. and right now you can get his work for anywhere from $10-$40. and trust me, you want it.

i am deeply in love with this dress by LUSKIN. sophisticated but comfortable shapes in bamboo fleeces and cottons with unexpected printed details. yum.

STRONG ARM BINDERY makes me giggle every time. beautiful and infinitely clever letterpress cards,  hand bound books and other assorted treasures. i’m especially fond of their recent foray into faux bois.

i want JUSTIN RICHEL to illustrate my whole life. stacks of sweets and birds! powdered wigs made out of stags! i have a dream to some day commission a vintage globe covered in hand painted sweets. but until a day arrives where i can afford such a thing, i’m going to hoard all sorts of his prints. and for around $10 to $25 each, i could paper a whole wall.

did i ever tell you that i was a ceramics concentration in college? i actually suck, but i have a deep love for the clay that can never be broken. PATTICERAMICS knows what i like, and what i like are lots of gorgeous hand thrown vessels covered in charming mushroom scenes.

i don’t have time to talk about everyone, but i would also like to strongly encourage you all to stop by the booths of the fabulous kate sullivan-jones from sweet disorder (maybe to pick these up for me?) who will be sharing a table with the equally marvelous audrey of little eye designs, milo in maine to say hello to meanmama, and the goodwill of northern new england table to check out their sweet select vintage spread. actually, just check out everything. it all looks fantastic (picnic doesn’t do half-assed).

in short, it’s gonna be an kick ass amazing couple of days of shopping and live music curated by hillytown presents plus the maine radio project DJs (double musical pimps to my good friend galen/computer at sea). bring cash, bring your xmas list, bring your friends (admission is free!), and wear your best holiday sweater so that you can get your fucking picture taken with the yeti.

weekend pickthrough- holiday shitstorm edition.

since i’ve become an adult, i kind of hate xmas. i know that the holidays, whichever ones you choose to celebrate, are supposed to be about family, and tradition, and the spirit of giving… and all that shit that holiday specials teach us to expect (demand!). but between the divorced family, my jam packed schedule, and the specter of debt from xmas past still looming large, i tend to be kind of a bitch this time of year. which is ridiculous because the boyfriend has an unnatural enthusiasm for the holidays that fills me with deep deep dread.

anyway, i decided this year that i would do my best to embrace the season and try to muster up a few shreds of xmas spirit from my shriveled black heart. so far, not so great.

1. extended family declares “just kids” xmas. i have to buy 6 kid gifts for all my nieces… and i get JACK FUCKING SQUAT. i love my sisters, but their fertility is bankrupting me.

2. in an attempt to be festive, i purchased a large plastic light up santa clause, and my dog is fucking terrified of it.

3. i finally buckled to the boyfriend’s demands and went out in to the freezing fucking cold and mud to cut down an xmas tree. charming! judging by the rash i got when i was helping load it onto the car, and the itchy eyes i’ve been suffering since we got it home, i’m allergic.

cant’ you just smell the xmas cheer? let’s deflect from my grinch-pants with a little weekend pickthrough:

wow, what an asshole. weirdly i had an almost identical experience with a urologist once. EMOTIONALLY SCARRING!

dude, how did we ever let ecto-cooler go off the market!?

and while we’re feeling nostalgic for extinct snack foods, why not get a little misty over some 80s commercials?

merry xmas y’all! urban outfitters gives us another 25 song sampler- for free!

the perfect xmas gift! a photo of a chunk of ice, that MIGHT contain extra terrestrial life.

yep, this survey of most wanted gift cards reveals nothing that we didn’t already know about american tastes. (how quick we apparently are to forgive BP)

the intricacies the holiday tree pissing match.

the makeup project is slugging along, but i still need help! makeup bags & journals, come on down!!! (please) 3 days left to donate!

givin it up.

remember that time i made a promise that i was going to start a giveaway contest once a month? well, that time has finally arrived. my only prior giveaway was for something that i just wanted to get rid of, and the winner was the first person to ask me for it. not very exciting! this time, i’ve chosen something that you might actually want! as a matter of fact, when it arrived in the mail, i almost decided to keep it for myself. but lucky for you, i managed to talk myself out of it.

when i was figuring out what to buy, i really wanted it to be something that was connected to my home state. burt’s bees is the perfect choice. not only were they conceived and founded in maine– but i also really really love everything they make.  double endorsement! but anyway, every year around xmas, they put out a totally sweet mystery bag full of all sorts of crazy shit. this year, the bag contains:

2 lip shimmers
2 lip glosses
2 lip balms
1 full size hand cream
1 full size cuticle cream
3 sample size soaps
1 sample eye cream
1 sample muscle mend
1 sample almond milk hand cream
1 sample body lotion
1 sample foot lotion
1 sample facial cleanser
1 package buttermilk bath
1 package therapeutic bath crystals
1 pair of adorable bee socks
1 shower cap
1 eye mask
1 lip balm holder

oh, and it all comes in this funny little burlap & plastic purse/bag thing that you should probably throw away- but maybe you can find some use for if you think about it really hard.

so now that i’ve made you want it (and you do want it), i suppose i need to tell you how to get it:

since it’s the new year, and because shamwow vince has been such a surprising source of traffic for me, i’ve decided that i would like people to guess exactly how many hits i have gotten from vince related web searches. here’s how it works:

1. ogle and desire the burts bees gift bag.

2. think about how many vince related web searches (including: vince, shamwow, slap chop, hooker- and any combination thereof) i will have received by the close of the contest on january 15th.

3. leave me a comment with your guess.

4. be the closest guess without going over (price is right rules).

some stuff to know:
to date, i have had around 8500 hits on my website. so unless you’re planning on doing a media blitz for me- chances are your guess should be somewhat lower than that.

one guess per commenter!!

if you are the lucky winner, i will notify you on the 16th. i will email you personally asking for your shipping information, and i will send you the goods. no strings, i promise. you don’t even have to subscribe to my twitter  (unless you want to).