picnic lunch.

i had a funny conversation today with someone about how i can do a lot of things well enough to get by, but that i’m not actually that great at anything. my interests splay out sloppily all over the map, never fully germinating, and eventually just withering and dying once i’ve moved on to something else. sewing was one of those things. for a few minutes (roughly 3 years ago), i thought that maybe i could make my millions by becoming an handmade mogul. i made all these ridiculous bunnies out of vintage cashmere sweaters (see wide eyed example at left) and sold them (under the name “manta ray business solutions”)  at a table at a little craft fair called picnic.

well, my career in plush manufacture never exactly took off, but picnic turned out to be the single kick ass-est craft fair that ever held a hot glue gun. forget your grammy’s seashell picture frames and scary dried apple head dolls, this craft fair stars STUFF THAT YOU ACTUALLY WANT! and it’s coming soon to a hobo park near you, THIS SATURDAY.

august 28th (once again, that’s THIS SATURDAY, as in tomorrow), from 11-6 you can browse and buy everything from recycled rubber clutches to first place chump ribbons (i so heart strong arm bindery, and you’d better too). basically, it’s top notch design made by hand. but they’ve all managed somehow to back away from the puffy paint and candle making supplies, and made accessible, affordable, and beautiful art that you can take home with you. even more reasons worth getting a rowdy boner for picnic this year:

1. you can knock out your holiday shopping early, and never worry about about getting your friends and loved ones something they already have. (i mean, who doesn’t love a squirrel playing the drums?) [people who are dead inside, that’s who.]

2. there’s food. delicous food.

3. there’s music. delicious music. a whole bunch of your very favorite local bands (and a few out of state invaders) will play you gently through your shopping experience, including & especially the big finish by longtime portland superstars phantom buffalo.

4. beloved broke207 favorites like kate sullivan jones (a sweet disorder), emblem studio, and boom chick-a-boom will be there selling their shit, and they deserve our undying love and support. and cash. definitely bring cash.

in short, picnic is the best thing ever. and if you’re within a 100 mile radius of portland, maine on saturday the 28th (that’s tomorrow folks), you need to get your ass to lincoln park with a wad of cash and a big giant tote bag. support local artists. buy, own, and love awesome stuff. have something better to do with your saturday than just getting high and watching chitty chitty bang bang on VHS (you can do that after).

oh, and did i mention that admission is FREE?

brown baggin it.

no no, it’s not some sort of sexual euphemism like the  rusty trombone or something. i’m talking about heading back to grade school for juice boxes, kudos, and tiny bags of potato chips (and maybe an embarrassing note from your mom).  well, it’s wednesday, and i’m already down to almost none of my allotted $50 for spending money for the week. shiz. and looking back over the last 2 days, all but $2.50 (spent on a super sweet 80s blouse at goodwill) has gone to food and booze. surprise!

monday morning: too lazy to make and eat breakfast at home, grabbed a bagel $1.99 & $1.79 vitamin water at colucci’s on my way to visit puppies.

monday afternoon: dehydrated and starving: got another $1.29 vitamin water & a $1.49 cheddar bagel twist at dunkin donuts.

monday evening: on the lengthy and un-air conditioned drive back from puppies, the boyfriend and i are overcome with a need for slurpees. really big slurpees $1.69. (i would spend the rest of the day clutching my stomach in agony and regret)

tuesday afternoon: in a heat addled haze, i leave my lunch at home on the couch. i eat some stale office cheerios for breakfast, and mercifully, some friends ask me out for lunch to the public market house. super delicious pesto pasta salad and bottled water from pie in the sky– $6.18.

tuesday late afternoon: pasta salad isn’t that filling, and the stale cheerios aren’t doing it for me. i break down. free iced coffee (i’d been saving a freebie for just this kind of occasion), and a day old bialy ($1.00!) with butter at coffee by design– $1.21.

tuesday after work: motherfucking smothering heat! needed yet another slurpee just to get my ass up the hill. smaller this time, but still sort of a mistake $1.19.

tuesday night: i dutifully ate dinner at home, even going so far as to unearth some ancient faux sausage gravy from freezer. unfortunately, the flask was smelly, and i needed to bust a move to the port city music hall to see my awesome friend make some music. $2 to get in, and instead of getting a $2 beer like i should have, i decided to go for a $6 whiskey & ginger. i’m an asshole.

wednesday night: pub quiz at brian boru. we came in second to last ahead of the team that missed the first round entirely. ouch. two $2 high lifes + $1 tip helped ease the pain. cheap, but still not cheap enough.

grand total: $32.33.

basically, i’ve been eating my money, and have a mere $15 and some change to get me through saturday. too bad i still have burlesque night tomorrow, and then standard grade friday and saturday to get through. either i’m going to have to be turning tricks in the parking lot in between social events, or i’m going to need to use EXTREME RESTRAINT for the rest of the week.

that’s where the brown bag program comes in. this week can’t really be repaired (bring on the backalley hand jobs!). but in preparation for next week, i’ve been doing a lot of thinking about  how much money i spend on eating out, and how much of that is really worthwhile. i’m not talking about a couple of high end monthly dinners that kick you in the groin with their deliciousness. if the money is there, i do think that those are worth it. but i’m talking about the times that i’m too lazy to pack my lunch, or go get coffee and a cookie just to get out of my office for a while. i’m sure i’ve spent hundreds of dollars on overpriced vitamin waters and impulse candy. if i can just get my shit together, i can not only save money by bringing food from home, but i can also have better food than i might otherwise pick up at the corner 7-11.

i worried at first that all my eating out friends would be bummed out about the fact that real restaurants are essentially off the menu for the entire month, but i was quite shocked to find that they all seemed really enthusiastic about it. not just enthusiastic really, weirdly relieved and excited to know that not going out to dinner was actually a viable option. it’s tough living in a city that has so many awesome restaurants and bars and events- too easy to forget that it is possible to have fun with nothing but couch cushion money and little ingenuity.

so let’s do this: home made sangria and crappy netflix movies at home, eastern prom picnics and ultimate frisbee, sneaking into crescent beach from the kettle cover parking lot, and brown bag lunches in hobo park . don’t worry, i’ll bring the tiny bags of chips.

what else can i do no money?