double vision.

yeah, i get around. it started with a guest post, but i’ve somehow managed to parlay my one night blogging stand with part time vagabond into a full fledged contributing gig. kick ass.  i’ll be writing about once a week on various aspects of travel, adventure, and the great outdoors (and probably at times the not so great outdoors). so if you’re tired of the money thing and want something new, or are possibly craving more of my special brand of snark and insanity, or maybe you’re just looking to trade up to a cooler, better blog… you should head on over. i even bust out the proper capitalization. you’ll be AMAZED. (i promise)

the dam breaks.

you would think that after the ridiculous amount of money that i spent on eating out last month, i would have been able to do some thoughtful self assessment and reigned it in a little. yeah, thoughtful self assessment isn’t exactly my strong suit. although i do spend a lot of time wishing that i was one of those people who got off on self denial. too bad wishing is a statistically poor way to accomplish your goals.

i’ve actually been quite good with the eating out thing lately, but i’ve slid my attentions over to the retail sector. it starts with a perceived need, for example: i’m too fat for all my summer clothes, and it’s starting to get hot out. although regardless of my pants size, i always get hit with the spring shopping fever and buy everything in sight. i think we’ve already established that i’m top notch at making excuses to do things that are self destructive.

ok, so first i get the fever, and then a shopping wormhole opens in the universe, and beckons me to climb in. this weekend, one opened up in the form of the old navy 30% off the entire store sale. hello 30% off INCLUDING CLEARANCE. maybe i would just stop in for a minute. and by a minute, i mean several hours and two different stores.  the spoils:

3 cardigan sweaters
1 pair of skinny jeans
1 mini skirt
1 sundress dress
1 wide belt
1 pair of metallic flats
9 pairs of underwear

total $110- excellent deal for all that stuff (which might i add is SUPER CUTE), but do i have $110 in my budget for clothes right now? um, no.

under any other circumstances, i might have been ok to lay off for a bit after the first binge… but this week has been tough. i’ve been crazy busy. not sleeping, overexerting myself, not eating as well as i should. and then today i had a little bummer life blip that took me down hard. if i wasn’t so overtired and stressed out, it might not have bothered me at all. but instead, i spent cinqo de mayo crying into my tequila. oh, and shopping.

fuck you kohls. you are far enough away that i don’t think of you often. there is nothing else at your strip mall that tempts me to your area. but today somehow an underwear shopping pit-stop before dance class turned into mass consumption fest given 30 minutes and 80% off signs all over the store. fuck you one day sale.

my shame:

1 retro dress
1 sexy secretary skirt
1 pair spectator oxfords
1 pair canvas booties

total: $58- once again, not that bad… but didn’t i just buy 5 PAIRS OF SHOES? in an act of momentary insanity, i unhinged from my sadness and disappointment, and hinged onto the goodness that is buying whatever you want whenever you feel like it regardless of the consequences.

it’s not that i can’t afford $168. especially for some clothes that fit me and help me look less like a hobo at work. but how i buy them (indiscriminately throwing things into my cart… um, 3 cardigans? 3 pairs of shoes?) seems like the issue. sure i’m paying my bills on time… but something just feels amiss. i suppose it’s better than drinking (i cut myself off after 1 cinqo de mayo margarita), or stuffing my fat face with butter, or going out and having dirty sexy times with random strangers…. but seriously, what do healthy people do? either way, i’m coming clean.

**UPDATE** feeling slightly better today. probably because these $18.99 spectators are so f-ing CUTE (and entirely not made of meat).

powered up.

well, after a promising start, i’ve certainly broken the seal on losing at gambling. so far:

$36 spent on scratch tickets- $28 won.  -$8

$25 spent online gambling- $0 won. -$25 and a whole bunch of ridiculous hassle.

next weekend is the foxwoods trip, but i figured i needed to knock another item off my list as february is rapidly coming to a close. in comes powerball. i mean- POWERBALL!! i bought 4 random pick numbers today at the scary 7-11 on washington ave (you know, the one where you can get sponch?), and now i guess i just wait until wednesday.

not very exciting at first, but then you stare at your ticket for a while and realize that the next jackpot is valued at $40,000,000. that’s some serious walkin around money. and you start to fantasize about what you would do if you won the whole pantload… sure i’d buy my mom a house, quit my job and go to medical school, go see the pyramids…  probably the same stuff that all lottery winners do. but then what?

i could trade in all my regular clothes and start lounging around in something a little more fabulous. (that is assuming that i can buy some sort of pill that makes me never have to go to the bathroom- because the logistics here aren’t working for me).

i could be driving one of these puppies (just like dolly in straight talk). although i should probably hire someone to teach me how to drive first.

i could try do buy a date with this guy. as long as he promises not to wear this. (orange turtleneck? really?)

hell, i could get myself some diamond studded brass knuckles and go apeshit. (ok, they’re diamonique- but i could commission that shit if i had 40 mil).

you?