thawing out: get ready for springtime craftiness!

this morning, my sun worshiping boss came into the office and said:“i don’t know why ANYBODY likes spring”.

and i was all like: “why you be hatin’ on spring bitch?”

or more accurately, i said: “i like spring.”

and it’s true, i do like spring. it happens to be my favorite season. i like the way it smells, i like to see borders of grass poking out beneath the rapidly receding snow, i love those little rivers that form along the sides of the road when everything starts to melt. to me, spring is hopeful and exciting. as if practically anything could shoot out of the ground with the crocuses.

spring is possibilities.

well, this year  something quite exciting an new is busting through the soil. genius craftstress audrey hotchkiss (of little eye designs) has spent her winter digging up the best in local artsy-craftiness so that next weekend (april 16^th from 10 am to 4 pm), we can all don our light coats and go spend our tax return money supporting amazing local artists.

it’s called THE BIG THAW, and it’s a well tailored collection of mostly etsy-based maine artists with a bit more of an edge than the average family craft fair (sorry grandma joan, we’re gonna pass on the crocheted toilet paper cozies this year). you can get the full vendor list right here, but here’s a little list of my  current top 5 biggest BIG THAW craft crushes:

1. my kingdom for this a new heirloom silk scarf!

2. stunning silk screened potholders from doonyaya. (almost too pretty to get covered in kitchen gunk!)

3. the very best maine t-shirt ever made. (way to go flat out tees!)

4. gulf of maine memory tiles by merchant’s row!

5. perfect dainty bird on wire pendants by high wire handmade.

and i’m a jerk because i didn’t even touch on photos and vintage and handmade beauty products…

you’ll really have to go and see the loveliness for yourself.

so just to reiterate, you should definitely get yo ass over to the mayo street arts center on saturday the 16th of april (that’s THIS SATURDAY)  from 10 am-4 pm to peruse the goods. and if the very sexy arts crafts aren’t enough to entice you, you can come visit me. i’ll be there helping audrey fetch and carry. so please, drop by!

get your local on- hungry for a picnic.

it seems like only yesterday that i was pimpin the summer picnic arts & music fest… but alas, winter is here. fortunately with the frosty ass weather, we also get a a second serving of our favorite local indie craft bonanza. thus, this week’s installment of my buy local last minute xmas shopping guide is dedicated to the fine local artists who will be rockin it at winter picnic all weekend long (saturday, dec 11, from noon to 8pm and sunday, dec 12, from noon to 5pm) at the maine irish heritage center (at 34 gray street and state street).

EMBLEM STUDIO: a long time ago, kris johnsen was an intern at a place where i used to work (that will remain nameless). i asked him one day if he could draw, and his answer was: “kinda”. well kris johnsen, you’re a fucking liar. little did i know that our mild mannered intern would grow up to be the most incredible poster artist in town. like HOLY SHIT good. and right now you can get his work for anywhere from $10-$40. and trust me, you want it.

i am deeply in love with this dress by LUSKIN. sophisticated but comfortable shapes in bamboo fleeces and cottons with unexpected printed details. yum.

STRONG ARM BINDERY makes me giggle every time. beautiful and infinitely clever letterpress cards,  hand bound books and other assorted treasures. i’m especially fond of their recent foray into faux bois.

i want JUSTIN RICHEL to illustrate my whole life. stacks of sweets and birds! powdered wigs made out of stags! i have a dream to some day commission a vintage globe covered in hand painted sweets. but until a day arrives where i can afford such a thing, i’m going to hoard all sorts of his prints. and for around $10 to $25 each, i could paper a whole wall.

did i ever tell you that i was a ceramics concentration in college? i actually suck, but i have a deep love for the clay that can never be broken. PATTICERAMICS knows what i like, and what i like are lots of gorgeous hand thrown vessels covered in charming mushroom scenes.

i don’t have time to talk about everyone, but i would also like to strongly encourage you all to stop by the booths of the fabulous kate sullivan-jones from sweet disorder (maybe to pick these up for me?) who will be sharing a table with the equally marvelous audrey of little eye designs, milo in maine to say hello to meanmama, and the goodwill of northern new england table to check out their sweet select vintage spread. actually, just check out everything. it all looks fantastic (picnic doesn’t do half-assed).

in short, it’s gonna be an kick ass amazing couple of days of shopping and live music curated by hillytown presents plus the maine radio project DJs (double musical pimps to my good friend galen/computer at sea). bring cash, bring your xmas list, bring your friends (admission is free!), and wear your best holiday sweater so that you can get your fucking picture taken with the yeti.

rich207

the boyfriend actually said something funny today (this is rare). this evening, as we were discussing our plans for the weekend, i said that on sunday i was planning on doing laundry and “official blog business” all day sunday. and he responded, “that’s cool, i was planning on working on my blog all day too.” when i asked him what his blog was about, he responded “it’s called rich207, and i’m going to write about all the really expensive stuff i’m going to buy.”

for a guy who deeply loves fart jokes, this is really A+ material.  also, it also got me thinking about how hilarious it would be to have an alternate universe blog called rich207, and what kind  of jazz would be featured on said website.  well, if i were debtless and looking to spend my surplus cash on local tomfoolery… here’s pretty much what it would look like:

if you’re looking for stupid-amazing antique jewelry, stonehome estate jewelry on exchange is the place to go. and when it comes to high class baubles, the more ludicrous and unnecessary, the better. try on this truly unbelievable platinum, gold and diamond jockey brooch for a mere $3,500. you’d have to return 23,333 empty carlo rossi bottles (@ $.15 each) for that kind of scratch.

i make do with cheap polyester knock offs at forever21 because i have to. but if i had walking around money that i was actually allowed to walk around with, i’d be heading my ass over to the black parrot on middle street for easily the best looking/most interesting/smartest higher-end clothing in town (sorry helene m., if i have to see one more precious pair of tory burch flats- i’m gonna commit homicide). watch me elude the police in this fully hot thunder & lightning dress by risto for $655.  that’s a scant 43 $15 back-alley handjobs (let alone how quick you’d work it off  you upgraded to BJs!)!

after all the spending, i might need to sit down for a while. possibly in my new womb chair with ottoman from addo novo on congress. there’s actually a catalog called design within reach that has the same chair. since when is $3793 “in reach” for anyone? this rich207 bullshit is starting to make me agitated… that’s 222 hours humpin the stripper pole (state average for exotic dancers is $17.06/hr) to pay for one chair. what if need a set?

while i’m there, i might as well just wander upstairs and throw down for a little downtown real estate. wow, $469,500 for a 1,500 SF uber-modern congress street loft? a giveaway! why that’s only 18,780 pints of blood plasma (they have a variable scale from $15-$30 so i thought that $25 was a good middle ground) at the portland biologicals in lewiston. at the maximum 2 pints a week, you’d be paid off completely in a short 180.6 years!

conclusion= rich207 is for assholes, and they can stay in their parallel asshole universe.

crap, it’s valentine’s day.

for a person who tends to be a little cynical around the edges, it may come as a surprise that valentine’s day is actually my favorite holiday. i’m certainly not a fan of romance in the traditional sense. red roses make me puke, and if i have to watch one more “he went to jared” commercial- i swear to god i’m going to steal a car, drive to the mall, and burn that motherfucker down.

what i do love about valentine’s day however, is that it’s a holiday that celebrates love. just love. and who can’t get behind that? i have always used valentine’s day as an occasion to tell not just whoever i happen to be bedding at the time, but all my friends and family how much i love them. it’s beautiful. if you take out the pressure to be “with” someone in the sexy way, it becomes a lot more fun and a lot less disappointing. but still, there is a necessity for presents- and that’s where things get tricky. valentine’s gifts are meant to be cheesy! a little cliche veneer is what makes them so sweet, but it doesn’t have to be full on scented candles and rose petals. it is totally possible to be sweet without being trite (or just giving people useless heart splattered garbage). so without further ado, step away from the hallmark kissing bears, and read this list:

1. candy. russell stover is for suckers. i’m sure i’ve said this before, but cheap candy just yells “i don’t give a shit”, or “i grabbed this at the gas station on my way over”. not really the sentiment you should be going for.  if you have the capability, making your own heart shaped box of candy from scratch is stunningly adorable (might i recommend cakeballs, or making your own conversation hearts?). or if you’re crap in the kitchen, just sherlock holmes your loved one’s favorite candy, and buy a boatload of it. then hide it all over the house with little notes telling them how awesome they are. who said easter egg hunts are just for easter?

2. flowers. roses are lame. lilies smell terrible and remind everyone of funerals. if the one you love loves flowers, why not try going to the flower shop and assembling your own arrangement? or better yet (if you have the time, skill, and foresight), why not grow something yourself? the key here is that even if it comes out terrible/dead, the “i made it myself” card always kills on v-day.

3. lingerie. this one is tricky but worth navigating. it’s sexy. it says “i want you”. it say’s “i think you’re beautiful”. if you’re in a relationship where someone always gives you lingerie- try turning it around and giving them the gift of you- wearing something that you want them to see you in. i’m also a huge fan of the pinup photo (red lipstick, good bra, stockings)- given with the understanding that you have said lingerie on underneath your clothes for immediate viewing. whatever route you choose, maybe the hardcore porno lingerie is better saved for another occasion (arbor day?), unless of course “you’re my favorite hooker” is the message you are looking to convey. low on funds? there’s actually an amazing stash of cute retro bras at target in south portland right now for $3.25 each. (i got red satin with white hearts).

4. jewelry. this is going to sound terrible, but i’m a firm believer that if you can’t give nice jewelry, then don’t bother. otherwise, the poor girl will be saddled with a heart shaped diamond chip pendant for the rest of her life. she’ll wear it because she loves you, not because she likes it. and that’s cruel! if you don’t trust your taste but really want to give something special- GET HELP!  ask friends, parents, a girl on the street with similar taste- anyone!  oh, and definitely don’t go to jared.  go local, go vintage, or find something amazing on etsy or a cool online shop that really screams “i know you and you’re awesome!”.

5. favorites. be it your all time favorite record, book, movie, food, tv show or whatever, the act of sharing what you love with who you love is a beautiful thing. as for the cost, if you are willing/able to part with it, your own personal beat-up over-loved copy of your favorite thing i the absolute best way to do it.

6. words. i strongly believe that the best (and coincidentally cheapest) valentine’s gift is a confession. send an anonymous note to someone telling them that they’re beautiful. post a craigslist missed connection. tell someone you love them for the first time. tell someone that you’re sorry or that you miss them. tell someone that they’re your best friend, or that you’re a better person because of them.  use this day to say something sweet and true- that you  might not have found the “right time” to say before. valentine’s day is the right time. no more excuses.

you may have noticed that i left  stuffed animals of any kind off my list. unless they are a collector *gag*, or it has a special sentimental meaning that goes beyond the crap-ness… DON’T YOU EVEN.

in summation, the key to a good valentine’s gift isn’t money or some worn out concept of romance that involves red wine and massage oils. it’s about:

-sincerity.

-paying attention to who your loved ones are and what they’re about.

– a willingness to expose your soft underbelly.

-finding a way to tell the people that you love that you love them- in a way that makes them believe it.