the edge of extinction.

ok folks, it’s time for us to have a serious sit down discussion about the ikea bus.

the first week of ticket sales was exciting. after the first few days, i had 13 people already and it seemed like things were all systems go.

and then, they stopped going.

i  was stuck at 13 tickets for almost an entire week. and the worst part was that people kept asking me how it was going…

i’m a firm believer that it’s never good for business to tell people that things aren’t going well. so i would say things like “it’s going, but i wanna sell that shit out!” or “it’s coming along, but there’s still room!”. it’s a little awkward. and i’ve been feeling a lot of shame about the fact that it’s not going better. both because i don’t like failing at things, and because i really really do want it to happen.

i sold a few more tickets last week, but just a few. and sadly, my attempts at getting some press coverage turned out to be completely balls. so here i am, stalled out at at 16 tickets (i made the boyfriend promise to buy one, so i could say  17 and not totally be lying).

i’m not sure what happened. 58 people liked my press release on facebook. the eventbrite page has almost 600 page views! and everyone and their grandma keeps telling me what an awesome idea it is. so what gives?

bad timing? no money? not the right time to buy a couch after all? i have no idea.

the truth is that i’m scared. if i can’t get up to at least 25 (preferably 30) by the 7th (that’s THIS THURSDAY), i’m gonna have to cancel. the problem is that the money is mine, and if i don’t get the bus filled , that money still disappears. and i have student loans and a mortgage that can’t let that happen.

i don’t want to beg you. begging isn’t classy. more than anything, i’d like to gently remind you to buy your ticket now if you’re planning on going- or at least send me an email telling me that you’re definitely coming. and i’d also like to warn all the fabulous folks that did buy tickets, that there is currently a high likelihood that the trip will be canceled. so, spread the world to your friends and neighbors if you want it to be on. and if anyone knows a media outlet that might give the ikea bus a little lovin… now is the time to call in some favors!

weekend pickthrough- secret hot pockets edition.

i just wanted to thank you all for your kind words and encouragement  (as well as general hoots and “take it all offs”) regarding my big burlesque debut on thursday. the cliff’s notes update is that no, i didn’t win. but, i did rock my piece as hard as i could, and there were no broken legs or embarrassing urinary mishaps. you will however have to wait at least another day or two until my full write up is finished for the maine observer (assuming i write something that they actually want to publish). however, in my travels, i did come across an extremely interesting bit of noteworthy information. it all went down like this:

FRIEND: (re: me needing a post titty-shakin snack) man, geno’s should serve food.

ALLIE: um, why would you want to eat there? it’s a dive bar that used to be a porno theater? (*for those of you who weren’t around portland 15 years ago, it used to be the “fine art cinema”- classy!).

of course i thought it was hilarious, and immediately posted it to twitter. along with a lot of discussions about other places in portland too dirty for food consumption, this little tidbit popped up:

from @sukisusan: Rumor is that by law they must serve food. So they have a freezer full of Hot Pockets.

i brushed it off a brilliant joke, and then the next morning, this comment surfaced:

from @seanwilk: they have Hot Pockets. #true

could it be? on my lunch break friday, i decided to call geno’s and get the lowdown. in the most awkward phone conversation that i’ve probably ever had in my life- IT WAS CONFIRMED. some sort of weird licensing regulation requires them to be able to serve hot food. the answer- A FREEZER FULL OF HOT POCKETS. and they’re not just for show, you can order and consume those bitches (although i did forget to ask how much the cost- damn!). get to it!

i’m proud of my state for a lot of reasons, but this isn’t one of them.

two events worth putting on your calendar RIGHT NOW: WMPG electronica booze cruise, and goodwill of northern new england halloween ball bitches!

all my sexiest cheese fantasies are finally coming true (and for only $4).

once i get the ikea bus going, this is my next portland improvement venture.

so i entered this writing contest… could somebody else please enter so that mine isn’t the only crazy silly one. for some reason, people seem to think that good writing has to be SAD writing. i don’t get it…

there’s nothing you can say that will ever make me think that ebooks are better than paper books.  NEVER!

thanks to a tip from the amazing tina at scrawled in a corner, i now know that there are FULL EPISODES OF DARIA on mtv.com. solid.

just what i always suspected, iphone users are kind of sluts.

first lebron, and now grimace? this free agency thing is getting out of hand.

why can’t i own a canadian?! (via younger cougar)