and you smell like one too.

what day is today? it’s broke207’s birthday! what a day for a birthday, let’s all have some cake.

those of you who are also at one with the nerdness might recognize that as the birthday song from futurama. it always surprises me that “happy birthday” is out of play for the media, unless they’re willing to pay up to $30,000 for it. anyway, i don’t have that kind of cash, so the futurama version it is! because hell yeah, it’s my bloggy birthday today. or bloggiversary? or blogs day? you pick one that you like, i’m not fussy.

exactly one year ago today i started this shit, and i can’t say that i’m not more than a little bit surprised that it’s still happening.  it’s been sort of a wild ride actually. i remember the day that i got 7 pages views in one day, and i almost crapped my pants with excitement. then only a few months later, i got featured on freshly pressed and had over 3,000 pages views and 100 comments in 2 days. i also remember complaining about only having 6 twitter followers, and now i have more than 600. i am by no means “internet famous” quite yet (and that’s not really my goal anyway), but i’ve found people and support in ways and places that surprise me every single day. it’s been awesome, and i hope it continues to be awesome in the future. actually, i want it to be even more awesome.

maybe i’ll do a post someday about what i want broke207 to look like at this time next year, but for today, let’s look back and take some notes. my dad always used to make us go around in a circle at the thanksgiving table and say what we were thankful for. or at least he did until the year where my answer was “teen angst”, and then my sister said she wanted to be a stripper, and somehow the whole thing ended with us crying and throwing food at each other (true story, ask my mom). anyway, today i’m going to go around the table and list 5 things that i’m thankful for related to this here blog (brace yourself for wistful sap-fest):

1. after spending my whole previous life stressing about it and avoiding it, i learned this year that i really love writing. sort of a pleasant surprise to find something that i think i could be good at after a 33 year career of aimless wandering. it may not pay my bills, but if you told me last year that i would have articles published on part time vagabond or the flyte blog, i would have laughed in yo FACE. or possibly spit on you, depending on my mood.

2. for a long time, i thought i had met everyone worth meeting in portland. starting this blog (and tweeting my ass off) helped me unearth an untapped layer of totally kick ass people who are not just generally awesome- but are actually out there getting shit done. sorry old friends, you’ve been replaced. ok,  not really, but i’m just so fucking inspired by these new people rotating in my orbit that i want to take out a full page ad in some publication that people actually read (US weekly?) telling them how great they are. or maybe this guy can tell them.

3. i started this website with a maine readership  in mind (thus the 207), but somehow people who don’t even fucking live here have found a reason to rub up against me and show their love. it’s awesome. (i’m talking about you coupon goddess and infamous qbert).

4. somewhere underneath all the swearing and the snark and the grump, i have found some generosity hiding in there. i don’t think i knew that about myself last year. it started out with just collecting drugstore freebies to drop off at the preble street resource center every now and again, and has morphed into me actually understanding the value of volunteering, and how much you can still do to help even if you don’t have any actual money to give. from sending expired coupons to troops overseas to volunteering with at risk teens all of the sudden i’ve become the person who will someday drag her family to the soup kitchen on sunday mornings to sort cans in the food pantry. they’ll learn to love it, i swear.

5. i’m starting to figure out that it’s ok to fail, or at least to suck. i’ve learned this year that i totally blow at hosting giveaways, taking photos, being consistent, and returning comments on the day that i get them… but people still come around anyway. maybe there are ways that i could have built more followers, gotten more page views, or made things all daft punk style harder, better, faster, stronger…  if i had put my nose just a little bit closer to the gridnstone (why do you mock me grindstone?!). but maybe all of that pressure to be successful and not make mistakes would have made me blow out of this shit already. this is supposed to be what i do for fun, and it is certainly what i do for free, so i’ve adopted the morrissey method- “do you best and don’t worry“. and here i am, still here. and i’m pretty sure that it’s made me saner, happier, more creative, and more hopeful (sample that kanye).

so anyway peoples, thank you for an amazing ride (yeah, that’s overtly sexual). any suggestions for how i can make the next broke207 year even more kick ass?

resurfacing.

sorry once again for the long absence. i got sucked into the costume hole, and am still having a hard time climbing out. i’m physically and mentally exhausted, and i’m still not even remotely happy with the end product.  actually it sucks, hard. but what’s a girl to do?

i try to make myself better by realizing that i learned something throughout this incredibly arduous process. lots of things actually:

1. just because you try really hard, doesn’t mean that what you do/make will always come out right. nobody succeeds at everything. remember that time i made cookies with confectioners sugar instead of flour, because for some reason it was in a container marked flour and somehow i managed not to taste the dough before they got put in the oven and melted all over everything? what’s that about the best laid plans?

2. there will always be some small successes, even in the most colossal of failures. a few costumes did come out well. a very few, but absolutely more than none.

3. embarrassment fades with time. remember that time that i asked that boy out on a date and he shut me down and then i got wasted on sea breezes and threw up all over my best friend’s bathroom rug? well, we can joke about it now, and we will be able to joke about the costumes too in a few weeks to a few years.

4. learn to ask for help sooner rather than later.

5. learn to let go of creative control in favor of getting things done.

6. it hurts right now, but this is a small blip amidst all the challenges that have been met and will continue to be met in the rest of my life.

7. being robbed of your life for a couple of months makes you really appreciate things like free time, friend time, sleep, and focusing on the things that you really care about. namely, this blog, my relationship, and getting my ass into medical school.

8. my decision not to apply to a masters program for costuming after getting my B.A. was the RIGHT DECISION!

9. morrissey says- do your best and don’t worry. i’m pretty sure he’s right.

anyway, thank you for being patient with me. and i promise that as of thursday night- i will officially be back on the deal seeking, coupon clipping, product reviewing, debt reducing beat. after all, i only have 9 more days to get my “gift of savings” total up to $100!

p.s. got my january giveaway item in the mail today, and it’s pretty hot stuff.