weekend pickthrough- nonfunctional edition.

i get exactly 10 days of vacation/sick time every year. i allow myself 1 full week off from work, and the remainder are reserved for emergencies and obligations (spluh). usually i take this week sometime in july or august, but this year, on account of the puppy and the lost deposit debacle, my vacay had to be downgraded from 9 days in a cabin on MDI to 4 days at a motor lodge in moosehead.  and it’s not happening until september. and i’m dying. slowly. day by day.

ok, maybe not dying so much as withering. i have a very bad habit of overextending myself, and sometimes even if there are still responsibilities to be met (namely a long overdue graphic design project and a post of the observer), i just hit the wall and become completely nonfunctional. unfortunately, my wall-hitting has just fallen short of my vacation, and i spent the weekend sitting like a lump on my couch in a stupor. i know, my weekend pickthroughs are getting picked through later and later. i know, i haven’t scored myself a hot deal in weeks. i know, the more projects i try to take on, the worse job i do at everything.

so here it is. 3 days late, and barely breathing.

try liquefying your vegetables and pouring them in the humidifier. recipes for the really modern woman.

do i really have a future in toll booth collection? this random generator seems to think so.

man, if the streetcar was still running in portland (like it did in 1916), i wouldn’t be late for work every day (probably).

fuck that ghost! (a superior flow chart of super superiority)

what’s in this hipster’s bag? or for that matter, would you just look at this fucking hipster?

does the auburn mall really count as a dead mall? tragic. why oh why did porteous have to go?!

and while we’re sitting here on the couch, here’s a small collection of fashion blogs that have recently tickled my fancy:

young fat and fabulous– apparently she won the MTV twitter-vj slot (i am the jealous-ist), but i like her because she’s thrifty, curvy, and sassy as shit.

this bitch has the time, skill, and energy (and apparent access to a very thrifty thrift-store) to make a dress a day. maybe me and my remedial sewing skills need to start a spin off site called “a hot mess a day”?

portland local cutie pie sweet william catalogs her daily wardrobe.

weekend pickthrough- secret hot pockets edition.

i just wanted to thank you all for your kind words and encouragement  (as well as general hoots and “take it all offs”) regarding my big burlesque debut on thursday. the cliff’s notes update is that no, i didn’t win. but, i did rock my piece as hard as i could, and there were no broken legs or embarrassing urinary mishaps. you will however have to wait at least another day or two until my full write up is finished for the maine observer (assuming i write something that they actually want to publish). however, in my travels, i did come across an extremely interesting bit of noteworthy information. it all went down like this:

FRIEND: (re: me needing a post titty-shakin snack) man, geno’s should serve food.

ALLIE: um, why would you want to eat there? it’s a dive bar that used to be a porno theater? (*for those of you who weren’t around portland 15 years ago, it used to be the “fine art cinema”- classy!).

of course i thought it was hilarious, and immediately posted it to twitter. along with a lot of discussions about other places in portland too dirty for food consumption, this little tidbit popped up:

from @sukisusan: Rumor is that by law they must serve food. So they have a freezer full of Hot Pockets.

i brushed it off a brilliant joke, and then the next morning, this comment surfaced:

from @seanwilk: they have Hot Pockets. #true

could it be? on my lunch break friday, i decided to call geno’s and get the lowdown. in the most awkward phone conversation that i’ve probably ever had in my life- IT WAS CONFIRMED. some sort of weird licensing regulation requires them to be able to serve hot food. the answer- A FREEZER FULL OF HOT POCKETS. and they’re not just for show, you can order and consume those bitches (although i did forget to ask how much the cost- damn!). get to it!

i’m proud of my state for a lot of reasons, but this isn’t one of them.

two events worth putting on your calendar RIGHT NOW: WMPG electronica booze cruise, and goodwill of northern new england halloween ball bitches!

all my sexiest cheese fantasies are finally coming true (and for only $4).

once i get the ikea bus going, this is my next portland improvement venture.

so i entered this writing contest… could somebody else please enter so that mine isn’t the only crazy silly one. for some reason, people seem to think that good writing has to be SAD writing. i don’t get it…

there’s nothing you can say that will ever make me think that ebooks are better than paper books.  NEVER!

thanks to a tip from the amazing tina at scrawled in a corner, i now know that there are FULL EPISODES OF DARIA on mtv.com. solid.

just what i always suspected, iphone users are kind of sluts.

first lebron, and now grimace? this free agency thing is getting out of hand.

why can’t i own a canadian?! (via younger cougar)

Q: why doesn’t this blog have an f.a.q.?

A: actually, i’m working on it. right now.

here’s a secret for you- during this summer/fall, i’ll be working on transforming this site from a free wordpress blog to my very own broke207.com domain. actually, i already bought it- but right now there’s just a crappy place holder page that both looks stupid and doesn’t make any sense. hopefully, with the miracle of modern technology (and my friends over at ibec creative), things will slide over all sorts of seamlessly- with a few minor upgrades that will make your life better- or at least probably not any worse. i hope that one of those upgrades will be the addition of an FAQ, but i haven’t figured out yet if there are enough unanswered questions about me and my pet blog to devote a whole section to answering them. that’s when  you arrive to clear up the confusion. if i were going to install an FAQ, what would you ask? or, do you think it’s a terrible idea?

here’s a starter question we can all try on for size:

Q: i find your use of all lowercase letters to be infuriating. are you some sort of crazy uneducated idiot? do you think you’re channeling e.e. cummings you pretentious prick? why do you torment me so?!

A: wow, those are some harsh words. why do you have to be so mean about it? actually, i have a college education (with a few extra courses on the side for emphasis), and have been capitalizing appropriately/successfully for many years. i even do so every day at my day job without complaint. i do enjoy e.e. cummings’ work very much, but my insistence on lowercase doesn’t have anything to do with him or his fantastic poetry. actually, kind of cranky reader, i do it because i have OCD (that’s obsessive compulsive disorder for those of you who missed the MTV true life– i have OCD). i am fortunate enough that my affliction is not so severe that i have to be medicated (although i have been medicated at various points), or prevents me from doing the things that i love to do, but it does creep into my life in funny ways sometimes that make me seem a little off/out there. i won’t eat a sandwich unless it’s cut diagonally (i will actually throw it away and get another one, or possibly cry, or more possibly both). i will throw away anything that i am hand writing if i make a mistake- rather than make a cross out (including post-its and informal notes to self). i am also obsessed with symmetry. i can’t even begin to calculate how much of my life i spend lining things up to make them parallel, or nudging them to make sure that they are square with the edges of the table. and that folks, is where the all lowercase happens. proper upper/lower writing is lopsided, and i find it visually displeasing. i can do it when i have to (work), but when it’s my turf (blog), i can do whatever the hell i please. i do find all uppercase writing to also be acceptable (my handwriting is all uppercase), but on the internet, people just think you’re yelling at them (thanks KANYE). thus, all lowercase it is! fun fact: my iphone auto-corrects all my improper lowercase letters, and i actually take the time to go back and undo the correction so that my symmetry is preserved. anyone know a hack for that?

so there it is… one question down. more to come? or TMI?

true life- i watch too much true life.

thanks to a little gentle prompting by the lovely kate over at a sweet disorder, i spent a good chunk of my evening eating pierogies and watching episodes after episodes of MTV’s true life.  i don’t have cable, and i had NO IDEA that there was such an amazing trove of free trash tv just waiting to be mined. next thing, you’ll be telling me that i can get toddlers & tiaras on hulu.

but anyway, sandwiched in between “i’m addicted to porn” and “i’m losing my hair“, i of course dug right the hell into “i’m a compulsive shopper“. wow, could they possibly find 2 worse human beings? so much ed hardy! so many polyester wigs! i have to say that watching this episode made the part of me that was worried about being a compulsive shopper a few weeks ago feel a lot better. i have never maxed out a credit card, never not paid my rent, never had my bedroom furniture repossessed, and certainly never stolen money from anyone (let alone my MS suffering mother) so that i could go buy hooker boots at the mall. seriously, even if you don’t have a shopping problem, watching this program will make you feel like a better person.

after the glitter coated tanorexic skank fest settled a bit (although you really do have to lay some blame on a father who consents to help his 18 year old daughter pay for her BOOB JOB), there actually was a small amount of useful information floating at the bottom of the barrel with the juicy sweatsuits and strip club desk jobs. it reminded me that there’s a group out there called debtor’s anonymous, that’s like AA for people who spend beyond their means. i was relieved to find out that i don’t meet the 8 out of 15 question requirement on their “do you have a debt problem?” quiz. but regardless, they had some interesting & useful information on their website on recovering from debt- whether you have a big problem, or not. sadly, not even DA couldn’t help these vapid tramps. but there’s no way you’re not already a better person, so i feel confident in saying that there’s real hope.