weekend pickthrough- holiday shitstorm edition.

since i’ve become an adult, i kind of hate xmas. i know that the holidays, whichever ones you choose to celebrate, are supposed to be about family, and tradition, and the spirit of giving… and all that shit that holiday specials teach us to expect (demand!). but between the divorced family, my jam packed schedule, and the specter of debt from xmas past still looming large, i tend to be kind of a bitch this time of year. which is ridiculous because the boyfriend has an unnatural enthusiasm for the holidays that fills me with deep deep dread.

anyway, i decided this year that i would do my best to embrace the season and try to muster up a few shreds of xmas spirit from my shriveled black heart. so far, not so great.

1. extended family declares “just kids” xmas. i have to buy 6 kid gifts for all my nieces… and i get JACK FUCKING SQUAT. i love my sisters, but their fertility is bankrupting me.

2. in an attempt to be festive, i purchased a large plastic light up santa clause, and my dog is fucking terrified of it.

3. i finally buckled to the boyfriend’s demands and went out in to the freezing fucking cold and mud to cut down an xmas tree. charming! judging by the rash i got when i was helping load it onto the car, and the itchy eyes i’ve been suffering since we got it home, i’m allergic.

cant’ you just smell the xmas cheer? let’s deflect from my grinch-pants with a little weekend pickthrough:

wow, what an asshole. weirdly i had an almost identical experience with a urologist once. EMOTIONALLY SCARRING!

dude, how did we ever let ecto-cooler go off the market!?

and while we’re feeling nostalgic for extinct snack foods, why not get a little misty over some 80s commercials?

merry xmas y’all! urban outfitters gives us another 25 song sampler- for free!

the perfect xmas gift! a photo of a chunk of ice, that MIGHT contain extra terrestrial life.

yep, this survey of most wanted gift cards reveals nothing that we didn’t already know about american tastes. (how quick we apparently are to forgive BP)

the intricacies the holiday tree pissing match.

the makeup project is slugging along, but i still need help! makeup bags & journals, come on down!!! (please) 3 days left to donate!

picnic lunch.

i had a funny conversation today with someone about how i can do a lot of things well enough to get by, but that i’m not actually that great at anything. my interests splay out sloppily all over the map, never fully germinating, and eventually just withering and dying once i’ve moved on to something else. sewing was one of those things. for a few minutes (roughly 3 years ago), i thought that maybe i could make my millions by becoming an handmade mogul. i made all these ridiculous bunnies out of vintage cashmere sweaters (see wide eyed example at left) and sold them (under the name “manta ray business solutions”)  at a table at a little craft fair called picnic.

well, my career in plush manufacture never exactly took off, but picnic turned out to be the single kick ass-est craft fair that ever held a hot glue gun. forget your grammy’s seashell picture frames and scary dried apple head dolls, this craft fair stars STUFF THAT YOU ACTUALLY WANT! and it’s coming soon to a hobo park near you, THIS SATURDAY.

august 28th (once again, that’s THIS SATURDAY, as in tomorrow), from 11-6 you can browse and buy everything from recycled rubber clutches to first place chump ribbons (i so heart strong arm bindery, and you’d better too). basically, it’s top notch design made by hand. but they’ve all managed somehow to back away from the puffy paint and candle making supplies, and made accessible, affordable, and beautiful art that you can take home with you. even more reasons worth getting a rowdy boner for picnic this year:

1. you can knock out your holiday shopping early, and never worry about about getting your friends and loved ones something they already have. (i mean, who doesn’t love a squirrel playing the drums?) [people who are dead inside, that’s who.]

2. there’s food. delicous food.

3. there’s music. delicious music. a whole bunch of your very favorite local bands (and a few out of state invaders) will play you gently through your shopping experience, including & especially the big finish by longtime portland superstars phantom buffalo.

4. beloved broke207 favorites like kate sullivan jones (a sweet disorder), emblem studio, and boom chick-a-boom will be there selling their shit, and they deserve our undying love and support. and cash. definitely bring cash.

in short, picnic is the best thing ever. and if you’re within a 100 mile radius of portland, maine on saturday the 28th (that’s tomorrow folks), you need to get your ass to lincoln park with a wad of cash and a big giant tote bag. support local artists. buy, own, and love awesome stuff. have something better to do with your saturday than just getting high and watching chitty chitty bang bang on VHS (you can do that after).

oh, and did i mention that admission is FREE?

not exactly learning my lesson.

gambling day 3.  feeling sorry for myself and decided to go for  a long walk. put on my “today is a bummer, but it will get better” mix (brendan benson- what i’m looking for, frou frou- let go, corrine bailey rae- put your records on, superbus- on the radio, liz phair- whip smart, and ai otsuka- sakurambo), and headed the mile across town to the west end 7-11 to buy myself a high value scratch ticket. as it turns out, the 7-11 is double sketchy at lunch time (don’t trust people who eat food kept warm by rollers), but that’s irrelevant. $5 is the most i’ve ever paid for one ticket, and it actually felt really bad handing over the cash.

um, really bad until i got back to work and realized that i won $20! as of right now, i’ve spent $15 and won $22. $7 profit isn’t really helping me learn that gambling is for suckers.

although it did make me feel better.