weekend pickthrough- recalibrated edition.

i would like to thank you all for being patient with me this week. my spring fever has shown no real signs of waning, but i am becoming accustomed to it in a way that is making it possible for me to function again. the answer appears to be the swingset on the eastern promenade. if it’s been a while since you’ve had a good solid swing, i can not recommend it highly enough. don’t forget to look up. it still feels exactly like flying.

along with a series of small naps with my dog and and the consumption of an entire bag of pepperidge farm chessmen, i also managed to finally organize and update my coupon stash for the first time since february. it was really tragic to have to recycle so many great deals. i really do need to pay attention again- for a while. my preble street donation bucket is looking very bare these days.

maybe this week i’ll even crack open my walgreens cherry now that the new marginal way store is open… has anyone out there been yet?

chances are that all your easter candy is gone now… except for one of these. thank sweet jesus that the folks at the hairpin are problem solvers.

the sadistic truth about women’s clothing sizes. (i do love an infographic, even when it fills me with rage).

who is this mysterious asian woman?

how did i make it past 30 without ever reading this?

i’ve got 2 tickets to paradise. and by paradise, i mean the former yugoslavia.

ooh, free local music.

you had me at “cupcake stuffed“.

18 clues you’re anti-feminist piece of crap.

a hearty high five to the person who wrote this truly inspired review of paul’s food center on yelp.

drop off times for SWAPmaine have been released! (early drop off= FREE ADMISSION).

did you know that chicago dogs has a veggie dog?

thus solidifying her place in the pantheon of awesome moms, my mom sent me this link this morning.

i spy: it’s a trap!

i saw something kind of funny today on congress street that i’d never seen before. a hilariously handwritten sign (with the word “guaranteed” papered over no fewer than 3 times due to misspelling) in the window of paul’s food center (OF COURSE) advertised that their in-store ATM would occasionally dispense $50 bills instead of $20s for certain “lucky” patrons. like a slot machine!

my initial reaction was “dude, i need some $20s RIGHT NOW”. even though i needed nothing of the sort… but the more i started to think about it the more i realized what a seductive but terrible idea it was.

at least in atlantic city, you get cheap drinks and all you can eat buffets. to me, it’s the experience that warrants the careless throwing of money into outer space.

my bank charges me $2+ every time i use an out of network ATM (which with my tiny local credit union is pretty much all of them). even in atlantic city, i have a panic attack every time i get anywhere near the $1 slots- and those have a much larger potential payoff! why on earth would i go out of my way to pay $2+ to the paul’s food center ATM, when i’m probably never gonna get that whopping $50 jackpot?

that’s how they get you!

i have to admit, it’s a pretty brilliant plan to get people to use your ATM…and i’m pretty embarrassed that i almost fell for it. if i’m ever in the area and need cash, and i’m gonna have to pay a fee no matter where i go… i’ll probably stop in at paul’s. it may not be the big cha-ching, but an extra $30 is never a bad thing.

portland’s greatest hits.

remember that time i posted about all the things in portland that have been going out of business lately, and how bummed out about it i am? well, i’m still bummed out about it (north star- nooooooooo!), but i’m willing to let  it go… as long as the following 5 businesses promise me (blood may be required to seal the deal), that they will always be here. ALWAYS.

now, i didn’t just go for places that are fancy or popular. in fact, many of my favorites didn’t make the list (i’m sorry caiola’s and rosemont market, there just isn’t room for everyone!). i wanted places that were iconic, and integral to the structure that makes portland porltand. do you remember when jennifer grey got that nose job, and then she looked like nobody anymore and we all forgot about her? that’s what would happen to portland if these businesses went away. i’m THAT SERIOUS.

in no particular order…

1. material objects: first of all, we are extremely lucky that there are a lot of great consignment shops in this town, especially now that shit is going down with the economy. but material objects is the king of them all. i love that it still looks exactly like the 90s in there. i also love the fact that pretty much everything in the store is less than $20. friendly, unpretentious, and always stuffed full of dirt cheap fashiony goodness. love.

2. paul’s food center: ok, totally shifty- i would probably/definitely never buy produce there… but there’s just something about a sketchy independent grocery store plopped in the middle of town that warms my heart. it feels like the land before time in there, but with more drunks.

3. bill’s pizza: hub for late night wasted snackage, this is another kind of gross one for the list. their pizza isn’t very good (so salty), and kind of pricey (for a single slice of kind of shitty pizza), but they have beer and orange soda on tap, and if you’re lucky, you can hear drunk people having sex in the bathroom.

4. videoport: as a complete netflix whore, one wouldn’t figure that i’d be singing high praises to a video store,  but videoport feels like home. probably because it consistently employs the very best people in town, and last time i checked, netfilix didn’t have an “incredibly strange” section. it’s a cinematic archeological dig in there. i don’t care if all video is going online, videoport needs to stay open FOREVER. are you listening dennis?

5. yes books: YES. BOOKS. everywhere. piled into corners and on the floor. dusty and disorganized, like a vaguely alphabetical treasure hunt. i love the musty used book smell and the ornery owner. to me, it’s portland’s own tiny musty version of the embryo concepts bookstore from funny face.

honorable mentions: the eastland park hotel, geno’s, old port candy, and ferdinand.

what local landmarks do you refuse to live without (you don’t even have to live in portland)?