it’s a tragic but unavoidable fact that women all over the country think that turning themselves into the whore version of anything is the best course of action for halloween costumes. i actually took a little poll yesterday on twitter to find out what obscenely stupid things people have seen tarted up for this upcoming holiday season. the results will not surprise you AT ALL.
slutty gumby
slutty big bird ( i expected more from you target!)
slutty spongebob (i mean sponge BABE)
“just out of the shower” towel & flip flops (slutty AND lazy)
slutty ninja turtle
slutty smurf
slutty nun
and of course the big winner of the slutoween ludicrous costume contest- for it’s high levels of both whoreishness AND general offensiveness… SLUTTY ANOREXIC!
yeah, slutoween is tapped out. even babies have slutoween costumes now. hell, there’s even a flickr group… basically, i’m tired of making fun of skanks (i can’t believe i just uttered those words). this year, i’m going after the gentlemen. sure, they have every right to make fun of the women’s parade of obviousness and low self esteem… and we have every right to make fun of the fact that an equivalent majority of men use halloween as an excuse to expose their inner jackass (among other things that they shouldn’t be exposing). this costume-round up over at woot pretty much says it all and then some… but seriously everybody- are we really that pathetic as a species that we need to lower ourselves so far down, even one day a year? why can’t halloween be an excuse to be clever and hilarious instead?
so here is my challenge to you american public:
it doesn’t have to be brilliant, expensive (there’s even a hot hot $5/$25 coupon for goodwill of northern new england to ease your costume purchasing financial burden- thanks for the tip coupon goddess!) , or labor intensive… just be something smarter than the lowest common denominator. leave your push up bra and you dick jokes at home on halloween for a change, and find yourself a costume that has some dignity. i promise that there are virtually thousands of ideas out there that do not involve you looking like a hooker or a sex offender. in fact, here are some of my favorite full genital coverage costume ideas for this season:
1. those awesome dudes from katamari.
2. can you say HUMAN SIZE LEGO GUYS?
3. screw you cardboard box robot, i’m gonna be boxed wine this year!
4. yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip uh huh.
5. i don’t normally dig the military thing, but this is a soldier costume that i can whole heartedly support. (just don’t sit on my furniture while you’re wearing it).
me and two of my best lady friends are going as the murderous vixens from clue. i’m mrs. peacock (watch out for the wrath of my lead pipe!). what are you gonna be for halloween this year?
*UPDATE*
looks like someone else has already challenged the ladies of america to cover the hell up. take back halloween is an awesome costume guide for the uninspired woman seeking full nipple coverage. also, i’d really like to see some costume pictures of y’all getting your trick or treat on.
broke 207 