suck-o-ween is where it’s at.

why yes, i am dressed as michael jackson if he were a low rent hooker.

as you may have noticed at this point, i’m not a big fan of commercial halloween costumes. not only do they tend to be poorly made and overpriced, but they are unfailingly a train wreck of bad ideas, tasteless jokes, and misogynistic clichés. either that, or they’re straight up stupid. in short, THEY SUUUUUCK.

every year, i like to do a little roundup of all the worst possible halloween costumes available on the retail market, and attempt to convince the masses that they’re so much better than the slut and dick joke parade, and hopefully inspire them to go home made or go home.

here is this year’s evidence…

surprise attack.

a few months ago (at the big thaw actually), i had a heinous allergic reaction that caused my feet and legs to be covered in enormous, swollen, itchy hives (see inset). it was a pretty sexy look, but i figured i’d take  a brief jaunt to the emergency room, just in case.

unfortunately, my hives went away while i was sitting on the gurney in my very flattering hospital johnny. actually, one of the hot doctors (for some reason the maine med ER docs are always super sexy) actually uttered the phrase “wow, i’m watching the hives disappear in front of my eyes”. at which point like 3 more doctors came in, asked me all the same questions, and then they told me to go home and take a benadryl.

helpful.

about a month later, i was pleasantly surprised to get a bill from maine med for a mere $0 for my visit. way to go insurance!

FALSE ALARM.

friday, i got a replacement bill for $362.

fuck.

as you might remember, i was just scraping by last month. and i made it work. i ate dinner at home and had $3 beers! i didn’t have to dip into my saving’s account to pay my bills! but things are still tight. i just can’t afford a big chunk of change like that right now and have any chance of catching up with my finances.

i have a feeling that these kinds of bills (unexpected expenses!) are the kinds of bills that really get people in trouble.  i have certainly been more than guilty of putting off paying a medical bill for as long as i possibly can (usually until they send me the letter telling me it’s about to go into collections), even when it’s only like $8. but unlike that situation, this isn’t the kind of circumstance where i can pay it off indiana jones style at the last minute. i don’t have $362 extra dollars now, and i probably won’t anytime soon.

so what now?

resolved.

i was lucky enough to come into a bit of an xmas windfall this year. nothing earth shattering (most of it went to bills and to my saving’s account), BUT i decided to give myself a small allowance to spend on whatever i wanted. DANGEROUS. it could have been anything, or everything… i have a bad habit of burning through cash without really paying attention to where it goes, or really caring too much when it’s gone. i’m all like “oh, that’s was fun”, instead of feeling the intense sense of guilt and shame that keeps most people from getting in financial trouble.

the last year has overall been a good one for my financial evolution. this was the first year in over a decade that i didn’t use my credit cards even once. i also managed to have a savings account with actual money in it for more than 15 minutes. on the other hand, i didn’t pay off my credit cards as much as i would have liked, i didn’t manage to keep the majority of the money in my savings account, and i still didn’t start an HSA.

so for 2011, i have only one resolution. it isn’t to save more, or spend less, pay off the credit cards, or even open an HSA… (although all of those things are certainly worth keeping in mind). my resolution this year is just to PAY ATTENTION. wherever my money travels should take me this year, i would like to be watchful and be thoughtful about every dollar i spend. i’m thinking about leaving my debit card at home, giving myself a cash allowance, being more careful about monitoring my mint account… but it doesn’t really matter what i do, as long as i’m being vigilant.

i decided to lube up my resolution and get started a little early with the aforementioned windfalll. instead of just throwing the money into my checking account and going apeshit on whatever i happened to find first, i sat down and really thought about things that i wanted, needed, and would generally be too cheap or too broke to afford the rest of the year. here is what i came up with:

cheap eats- an intimate soup encounter.

after loving so hard on peanut butter jelly time, i was uncertain that i wanted to do another public market house vendor review right away. but as they’re rapidly filling up their brand new 2nd floor, they’re also rapidly becoming both the best and cheapest place in town to get lunch.  case and point, new kid in town, kamasouptra. that’s right, they made a sexy joke about soup. their totally adorable and slightly dirty tagline is actually hot. steamy. soup. and they don’t lie.

i like simplicity. if i could make one criticism (a loving criticism) of PB&J time, it would be that he has A LOT going on. like today, i realized that he sold belgian waffles. which is not to say that i don’t appreciate a fresh belgian waffle (because i certainly do), it’s just that it seems a bit cluttered up there and like there are too many choices. kamasouptra is exactly the opposite. they offer soup, the complimentary bread that comes with the soup, and a few drinks (i may have also noticed a few breakfast items).  it’s all very minimalist in a way that i really enjoy. the soup is the main attraction, and that’s the end of the story.

and what an attraction it is. served in mismatched ceramic bowls (which is a lovely homey touch), they had a really wide selection including lots of vegan & vegetarian options (not just the standard 1 choice that most places have), as well as gluten free. they also offered 3 price levels (i’m assuming based on ingredients), $4.95, $5.95, & $6.95, and only one size. so streamlined!

i chose the $4.95 mushroom barely soup, and my fabulous date got the $5.95 vegetarian chili. each bowl came with a WARM crusty wheat roll (freshly baked according to their website), roughly the size of the bowl that the soup was in. seriously, it was some HUGE BREAD, and exactly the right size for dipping & eating the amount of soup that they give you. my soup was really good, a little on the salty side, but flavorful and totally busting with fresh vegetables. my friend’s chili on the other hand was AMAZING. as close to veg chili perfection as i have ever encountered. my entire meal with $1.50 bottled water was $6.81, and i was definitely full (although that didn’t stop me from stuffing down a tony’s donut from the rock city coffee).

you might think that a year round soup is a misguided plan, but i say that really delicious and good quality food knows no season. also according to their website, they’ll be adding some cold fruit soups and dips come the hot season. in the meantime, if you’re needing a little steamy lunchtime action, kamasouptra knows tricks that you have only seen in videos.  so practice your come hither look, and get your ass down there now (you don’t want to keep them waiting).

99 luftdesigns.

last weekend i was quiet because i was bummed out, this weekend i was quiet because i was lost in the depths of stunning weather (78!)  feaster weekend (choco-coma), and my brand new obsession 99designs.com. it all started with this little article i read on mashable (another current obsession) about finding digital design projects online. last month when i unsuccessfully attempted to make $1,000 (i ended up with $22, but we’ll talk about that later…), one of the first things i did was think about my marketable skills. i came up with the following:

cleaning
organizing
sewing
sass mouth
general labor
bookkeeping
babysitting (as long as they can use the toilet and eat solid foods)
resume writing
graphic design
and some other crap i’m probably forgetting.

but about that last one… ok, so i’m not a real graphic designer (as evidenced by how lame my behance portfolio is in comparison to all the other stunning real professionals on the site).  i have an art degree, and i’m good with computers. i’ve done some projects for some friends (usually for free or in trade), and i do some basic design for work (making warehouse space look sexy is rough). but i am far from trained- and there is a whole lot that i don’t know how to do/could be better at. one of the hardest things to do when you’re just starting out at anything is to GET EXPERIENCE, because who the hell wants to hire some schmo who doesn’t know how to do dick? 99designs, that’s who. basically, they give businesses a low cost alternative to hiring a real graphic designer.  for a flat fee, a business seeking a logo/web design/icons/letterhead… whatever can list their project, and anybody and their grandmother can submit their designs. if they choose your design, you win a prize (usually between $100-$500).  simple simple. and even if you don’t win, it’s still a great opportunity to hone the ole craft on some real life projects.

on the double upside, a good chunk of the designs on the website are really awful, and made me feel better about my skills after behance took my ego down 1,000 or so pegs.  yet another added benefit is that even if you have no desire or interest in being or hiring a graphic designer, there is a ton of hilarity to be found soaking up the bad design, poor direction following, and inappropriate use of clipart.

those sexy pictures i was telling you about.

ok, it’s only one picture, but still pretty sexy eh? baking day 2.0 was officially called to a close this morning a little after 1 am when i blacked out on the couch for a few minutes while i waited for my pot pies to be frozen enough to stack without destroying their structural integrity.  i don’t know that i’m ever going to be the up at dawn type, cooking all day, checking off everything on my list. i’m definitely more like the sleep until 11, screw around until 6, and then stay up until one type.

i felt like i was a little more ambitious this baking day, but also a little more successful. i only crapped out on one item (sorry chocolate lava cupcakes- sleep was more important this time), and i tried out brand new recipes for just about everything.  enchilada pie looks promising (*UPDATE- IS PROMISING). and the fake chickening of the chicken pot pie also appears to have been successful. not sure about the orange curry chicken, but we’ll work it out.

on a scale of 1 to 10 (one being complete garbage and 10 being kitchen ecstasy), i’d give it a 7. my spicy cheese muffins are a bit too spicy for me. the meatball recipe i used was actually a meatloaf recipe and yielded questionable results (slightly dry, slightly crumbly), and of course there are the missing cupcakes…