that awkward moment…

10 01 2012

… when you realize that your ex husband is the most attractive prospect on an online dating site.

let’s just be clear here. i’m not ready to date.

it’s only been about a month now, and the ex and i are still sharing the same space (and to his credit, he is the most kind and agreeable person i have ever broken up with).  i need to focus my efforts on things like moving, working, breathing, and cuddling my dog. i need to not be an idiot and jump into anything before i’ve had a chance to regroup and recover- at least a little. you know, common sense… blah blah blah, good advice… yadda yadda yadda…


the sensible path sorta sucks. it’s lonely. and painful. and sad. so you start to try to make the breakup, the newfound single status (set carefully to your facebook for all to casually notice), more appealing than it really is. you dream of the possibilities. you start to remember everyone you’ve ever had a crush on and stalk them to determine current availability (just in case) (for later): Read the rest of this entry »

weekend pickthrough- jammed full edition.

26 03 2010

i’ve been struggling the last few weeks to find anything worth tooting about, but after much poking about and general  twitter whoring this week, i just found a ton of fucking awesome shit that i’m really excited about. and i hope you will be too.

the foolproof formula for nancy drew. (thanks duke!)

stalk your food on the internet before you eat it.

finally, an infographic that informs me what i should be outraged about.

happy birthday happy meal! (you haven’t aged a day! literally. and frankly i’m finding it both gross and scary)

don’t be too bummed that the goodwill on st. john street is closing. the circuit city sized new kid in town opens today!

the greatest snack food ever conceived. also possibly the grossest snack food ever conceived. (thanks japan!)

still time to get your entries in for the goodbye justin ellis photoshop contest (simultaneously hilarious and heartbreaking)

a treatise on the sexiness of the used book by the bookslut.

2 very amazing portland locals showing off their best tricks on apartment therapy.

santa clause is coming to town! wait, not santa? better than santa? (i can’t even believe that this is happening)

stalking the wild handbag.

13 03 2010

ok, technically it was a clutch. i first spotted it in the early 2000s in some vogue-y elle-y fashion-y magazine.  banana republic ad. it was love at first sight. i tore the page out of the magazine, and pinned it to the wall in my studio. randomly enough, i still have that ad, and it would later come to pass that i would also unknowingly purchase the sweater in that picture (apparently banana republic knows what i like). but that’s irrelevant.

at the time that ad arrived in my life, i had no money, and no access to a banana republic. as time went on, and clothing seasons  passed, i kept that ad pinned to my wall and continued to maintain my boner for the bag. i knew that someday, it would be mine. that’s because in 1999, i became a member of ebay (early enough that my handle doesn’t have to have numbers after it). along with being able to buy a bunch of crazy crap for low low prices, what ebay really means to me is that no coveted item is ever truly “sold out”, or even out of my price range. the key is patience. when i see something (anything) that i really love, even if i can afford to buy it at the moment, unless it is already at a once in a lifetime rock bottom price… i walk away. in a few days to a few weeks, i go back and visit. is it as sexy as i remember? can i still not picture my life without it? has the price dropped at all? do i have a coupon? at this point, the situation becomes a choose your own adventure book. if the answer is yes to all above questions, then i may buy the item and go home to make sweet love to it. if not, it’s wash, rinse, and repeat repeat repeat. then, one of 3 things happens: 1. in an ideal world, the price drops low enough that i let myself pull the trigger and buy it. 2. i tire of the stalking and forget about it all together (or more likely find a new love on an adjacent shelf). 3. the item is sold out before the price gets low enough for me to buy.

ebay time. the truth about the clutch is that i never actually saw it in person. it was online briefly at full price, but disappeared quickly. but then slowly, about a year and after the season had passed… it started to appear on ebay (and yes, i checked regularly for a year and a half). unfortunately, it appeared on ebay in PINK, and i would accept no subsitutions. boo-urns. another 6 months passed. eventually, a single yellow bag would arrive on the scene, and i would snag it for a mere $19.99 plus shipping. and even though i’ve had it for years and years now, that bag is still my ace in the hole. it automatically makes any outfit seem slightly dressier and more interesting. also, i have never carried it anywhere without it being lustfully molested by party guests or passers by. as far as i can tell, i have the only one in maine.

the moral of this story is that impulse buying at full price is for SUCKAHS! the internet means that if it’s worth even a few pennies, someone will be selling it. you just have to be tenacious and patient. the cliche is absolutely true. let it go, if it’s love, it will find its way back to you.

my next victim is the chanel 2005 bag. randomly enough, from the 1998 collection. it’s come down a bit in price from the original $1800, but i’m still going to need to sell a lot of plasma if i ever want this dream to come true. but don’t dare doubt it. i may be 97 when i get it, but it will be mine.

what are you stalking?