i want to steal all your clothes.

i’ve been busy.

you know it. but this time i’m not writing to apologize for not posting enough (remember that time i was trying to post every day- what happened to that shit?). this time, i’m writing to let y’all know one of the super secret plots i’ve been hatching all these long months. (ok, and maybe to apologize a little bit for not posting)

anyway, me and a stunning assortment of lady fashion blogger friends have been meeting almost weekly (did you know that the armory has a free cheez plate? you really need to go there) to put together our own CITY WIDE CLOTHING SWAP.

if you’ve never been to a swap before (you should be sad for your loss), it’s basically just a big party where you bring all your awesome clothes that don’t fit you or that you’ve become tired of, and swap them with other people who have better fitting clothes that fill you with excitement.  except that this time, instead of haggling over sensible rayon skirts over 7-layer dip at your lame coworker’s house, you get to paw through the cast offs of all the most fashiony people in portland.

well, at least that’s what we hope.

basically, a swap is only as good as the people who show up with their shit. so please, if your dance card is empty for saturday, the 21st of may, please consider penciling us in. if the people who organized the event are any indication of the quality of the swappables that will be there, this shit is gonna be amazing (do people still say “off the chain”?).

ok, i can’t exactly speak for the quality of my own stuff (i am easily always the worst dressed one at our meetings) but the rest of the ladies all have incredible style, and i know you want what they’re swappin. i know do.

and if the promise of recycling your best hipster finery isn’t enough to get you in the door, let me throw down 2 last points:

i’m fashion blogger famous!

i promised a long long time ago, that i was going to add a budget fashion feature to the ole broke207. well, i lied! totally! i’ve been trying all year to figure out how to get it going, and i just couldn’t figure it out. i would start and stop and reconfigure, but the post just never… posted. well, a few weeks ago, i had an actual revelation! perusing a guest post on the goodwill of northern new england blog, i realized that maybe the fashion post didn’t belong on broke207, and that’s why i was having such a hard time writing it.

well, i decided to nut up and contact goodwill, and see if they were interested in a potential weekly fashion feature. you never know unless you ask, right? well, they received my idea very very kindly (thanks for being awesome michelle!), and my very first post is up today! if they like it, it will be a continuing thing. if they don’t, at least i got a totally sweet outfit for $10.49. it’s a win win!

so anyway, go and check me out, and maybe even leave a little comment love so they let me do it again. and if you’re really lucky, i can talk some of my favorite local fashion bloggers into doing it with me.

get your local on- hungry for a picnic.

it seems like only yesterday that i was pimpin the summer picnic arts & music fest… but alas, winter is here. fortunately with the frosty ass weather, we also get a a second serving of our favorite local indie craft bonanza. thus, this week’s installment of my buy local last minute xmas shopping guide is dedicated to the fine local artists who will be rockin it at winter picnic all weekend long (saturday, dec 11, from noon to 8pm and sunday, dec 12, from noon to 5pm) at the maine irish heritage center (at 34 gray street and state street).

EMBLEM STUDIO: a long time ago, kris johnsen was an intern at a place where i used to work (that will remain nameless). i asked him one day if he could draw, and his answer was: “kinda”. well kris johnsen, you’re a fucking liar. little did i know that our mild mannered intern would grow up to be the most incredible poster artist in town. like HOLY SHIT good. and right now you can get his work for anywhere from $10-$40. and trust me, you want it.

i am deeply in love with this dress by LUSKIN. sophisticated but comfortable shapes in bamboo fleeces and cottons with unexpected printed details. yum.

STRONG ARM BINDERY makes me giggle every time. beautiful and infinitely clever letterpress cards,  hand bound books and other assorted treasures. i’m especially fond of their recent foray into faux bois.

i want JUSTIN RICHEL to illustrate my whole life. stacks of sweets and birds! powdered wigs made out of stags! i have a dream to some day commission a vintage globe covered in hand painted sweets. but until a day arrives where i can afford such a thing, i’m going to hoard all sorts of his prints. and for around $10 to $25 each, i could paper a whole wall.

did i ever tell you that i was a ceramics concentration in college? i actually suck, but i have a deep love for the clay that can never be broken. PATTICERAMICS knows what i like, and what i like are lots of gorgeous hand thrown vessels covered in charming mushroom scenes.

i don’t have time to talk about everyone, but i would also like to strongly encourage you all to stop by the booths of the fabulous kate sullivan-jones from sweet disorder (maybe to pick these up for me?) who will be sharing a table with the equally marvelous audrey of little eye designs, milo in maine to say hello to meanmama, and the goodwill of northern new england table to check out their sweet select vintage spread. actually, just check out everything. it all looks fantastic (picnic doesn’t do half-assed).

in short, it’s gonna be an kick ass amazing couple of days of shopping and live music curated by hillytown presents plus the maine radio project DJs (double musical pimps to my good friend galen/computer at sea). bring cash, bring your xmas list, bring your friends (admission is free!), and wear your best holiday sweater so that you can get your fucking picture taken with the yeti.

weekend pickthrough- slow recovery edition.

well, it’s been a long and miserable phlegm filled week. again, i apologize for the lack of posting. as previously stated, i was wallowing in a pit of used tissues and self pity. although i’ve been warned by the majority of my friends that this cold (now dubbed “the plague”, and apparently tearing through the portland metro area like jon gosselin at an ed hardy sale [or some equally apt but funnier and more timely analogy]) likes to linger for upwards of 10 days, i am at least finally ambulatory, and can make it through the night without jamming paper towels up my nose. of course now the boyfriend is sick (oops!), and trying to take care of him and the dog while still pretty much feeling like i’ve been wrecked by a monster truck is not making my life any easier. however, i have managed to steal a moment of consciousness and semi-clarity to send out the weekend pickthrough. all should be back on schedule as of tomorrow (barring further disaster).

the trouble with coupons (via hyperbole and a half)

strongly considering getting my masters degree from here.

there’s always room to hone your skills and improve your talents by killing more people. (and other video game wisdom)

i think this might be the most terrifying job that i’ve ever heard of (can you think of something worse?)

should i write a novel, or grow a moustache in november?

trapping shit in acrylic, the musical. (ok, not really)

best bathroom sign ever.

a website that reviews lifetime original movies (cameo appearance by kate from a sweet disorder). why didn’t i think of this first!

weekend pickthrough- noisy neighbors edition.

so i know that last week i was all promising to squeeze the weekend pickthrough out by friday… but i assure you that i have a totally valid excuse for my failings this week. TOTALLY VALID!  (thought you might be more convinced of the validity if i used all caps). anyway, thursday night i went out with some friends, drank too many ciders, and then rambled home around midnight. at home, i tried shoveling some leftover mexi-mac into my craw for a few minutes, and then promptly passed out on the couch. easily, this could be the end of the story (although drunkenness wouldn’t exactly be as TOTALLY VALID as previously purported).

so i wake up around 2ish and decide that i should probably drag my drunk ass to bed if i’m going to make it to work in 5 hours. teeth brushed. sweatpants on. i hurl myself onto the space foam face down ready to lapse into an immediate coma…. and then i hear it: BOM-CHICKA-BOM-BOM BOM-CHICKA-BOM-BOM BOM-CHICKA-BOM-BOM. what’s that? the endless thumping bass line of my frat-boy cliche next door neighbors? i tried valiantly to let the booze wash over me and cancel out the thumping, but it was too late. i was sobering up, and unless they turned that shit down, i was never going to get to sleep.

so i go downstairs with the intention of gently knocking on their door and calmly letting them know that they are disrespectful assholes who should probably kiss my ass before i kick theirs… but they didn’t answer. i knocked louder. and louder. and eventually resorted to karate kicking the shit out of their door as loud as i possibly could for a good 5 minutes. still, no answer.

i finally went inside and devised the following master plan:

1. write sternly worded note that will effectively elicit guilt, shame, and compliance.

2. tape note to door.

2. emblazon door with the phrase “DOUCHE PALACE” in red lipstick.

4. write note to landlord regarding their inconsiderateness.

the note happened pretty swiftly, but looking for a lipstick that i was willing to ruin took slightly longer that i predicted. armed with tape, a wet & wild coral lipstick, and all the rage that my 5′ 7″ frame is capable of containing, i stomped across the porch to their door.

and then, the guy came out. FUCK. sadly, my plan would never make it past stage 1. also, i was so filled with fury (and booze), that i’m pretty sure i didn’t make much sense while i attempted to rip him a new one. i remember yelling DUDE a lot, and when he apologized, saying something like “GODDAMN RIGHT YOU’RE SORRY”, but the rest is an unfortunate blur.

i was shaking all over when i came inside around 3:15, which resulted in me not heading back to bed until around 4-4:30. seeing as i get up at around 6:45 to get ready for work…. that would equal exactly NOT ENOUGH SLEEP FOR BASIC HUMAN FUNCTION.

so last night after work (and a really big bowl of pasta), i did not pass go, i did not collect $200, i did not write my blog post… i went directly to bed (and slept for about 13 hours). so i’m sorry about the delay, but if you have any formal complaints, you can address them to the douche palace.

this hilarious sweet disorder post is just called “prostitute laundry”, and i think that’s all the introduction you need.

things organized neatly caters to my OCD-ness in the most attractive way possible.

i’m buying this book for everyone on my xmas list. and if you’re lucky, i’ll likely host an ill conceived giveaway so that you can have a chance to get one too.

let’s all leave little presents for strangers.

of all the mad-men spinoff websites that have emerged, this one is BY FAR my favorite.

the always amazing elisa doucette shares her dirty ex-stalking secrets, and helps us break the habit with EX BLOCKER.

i’m not sure whether designing speed bumps that look like small children is utter brilliance or a soon to be tragic mistake.

name brand foods are totally worth it if you coupon the shit out of them. too bad nobody told slashfood about that.

my child rescued the princess with no warp pipes (i don’t even have kids, and i demand that these stickers get made).

why are the really boring things on antiques roadshow always the most valuable? where are ben franklin’s anal beads or the left toe of hunter s. thompson?

new addition to the local blogroll! sort of webcomic meets fitness chronicle meets me almost peeing on myself with laughter.

picnic lunch.

i had a funny conversation today with someone about how i can do a lot of things well enough to get by, but that i’m not actually that great at anything. my interests splay out sloppily all over the map, never fully germinating, and eventually just withering and dying once i’ve moved on to something else. sewing was one of those things. for a few minutes (roughly 3 years ago), i thought that maybe i could make my millions by becoming an handmade mogul. i made all these ridiculous bunnies out of vintage cashmere sweaters (see wide eyed example at left) and sold them (under the name “manta ray business solutions”)  at a table at a little craft fair called picnic.

well, my career in plush manufacture never exactly took off, but picnic turned out to be the single kick ass-est craft fair that ever held a hot glue gun. forget your grammy’s seashell picture frames and scary dried apple head dolls, this craft fair stars STUFF THAT YOU ACTUALLY WANT! and it’s coming soon to a hobo park near you, THIS SATURDAY.

august 28th (once again, that’s THIS SATURDAY, as in tomorrow), from 11-6 you can browse and buy everything from recycled rubber clutches to first place chump ribbons (i so heart strong arm bindery, and you’d better too). basically, it’s top notch design made by hand. but they’ve all managed somehow to back away from the puffy paint and candle making supplies, and made accessible, affordable, and beautiful art that you can take home with you. even more reasons worth getting a rowdy boner for picnic this year:

1. you can knock out your holiday shopping early, and never worry about about getting your friends and loved ones something they already have. (i mean, who doesn’t love a squirrel playing the drums?) [people who are dead inside, that’s who.]

2. there’s food. delicous food.

3. there’s music. delicious music. a whole bunch of your very favorite local bands (and a few out of state invaders) will play you gently through your shopping experience, including & especially the big finish by longtime portland superstars phantom buffalo.

4. beloved broke207 favorites like kate sullivan jones (a sweet disorder), emblem studio, and boom chick-a-boom will be there selling their shit, and they deserve our undying love and support. and cash. definitely bring cash.

in short, picnic is the best thing ever. and if you’re within a 100 mile radius of portland, maine on saturday the 28th (that’s tomorrow folks), you need to get your ass to lincoln park with a wad of cash and a big giant tote bag. support local artists. buy, own, and love awesome stuff. have something better to do with your saturday than just getting high and watching chitty chitty bang bang on VHS (you can do that after).

oh, and did i mention that admission is FREE?

weekend pickthrough- full moon malaise edition.

i don’t know what happened to me this week. every post was like giving birth to a 20 lb. baby. so tired. so uninspired. so grouchy. yesterday, i picked not one, but three petty fights with people that i cared about (all which were swiftly resolved, but still). i’m off my game and i’m not sure how to get it back. think there’s a discount mojo bin at the new mardens?

…friday passes…saturday passes…sunday passes…

for example, i left this weekend pickthrough woefully unfinished on my computer desktop for 3 full days. in addition to that shame, i should also get some sort of ball dropping award for not getting my shit together this week and missing out on the chance to tell everyone about a couple of totally awesome events that happened this weekend:

1. the vegetarian food fest. this is especially egregious because A) it was free to get in and full of free samples of awesome cruelty-free foodables (i even scored some coupons!), & B) because i was there handing out gazpacho and kick ass vegan cookie bars on behalf of the very amazing northstar music cafe. it was wonderful, and i wish you could have been there. sorry i’m an asshole.

2. portcon! ok, not everyone is a comic book/anime/gaming/ whatever nerd- but if you are, this would have been the best (had i told you about it in time). and even if you weren’t willing to lay down the $30 for the 3-day pass, you could have at least headed out to the mall to check out the throngs of be-costumed teenagers digging for bargains at the hot topic and just generally trying to freak people out.

anyway, consider the following pickthrough items to be my most sincere apology to you for my checked out week. i am placing full blame on the simultaneous arrival of the full moon and being stricken with lady business, but you can feel free to place full blame on me for being a lazy sack.

the most ridiculous cease and desist letter ever sent (spoiler: involves unicorn meat).

this is the only logical way to prevent our children from being exposed to unsafe text books!

shit. first i feel guilty if i forget my reusable bags at home, now i need to be afraid that they’re crawling with bacteria? this is bullshit. when did we become such pussies about everything? humanity is covered in bacteria, i’ll take my chances.

thanks to my frequent trips to the sketchy east end rite aid, my photo of their hilarious back alley graffiti made it onto unseen portland!

the most absurd slide show ever compiled by the new york times.

i know that after the sandwich party i vowed i would never do another house party again, but this would be too cool. will you come over?

three words for you: gential recognition software.

kate over at a sweet disorder shows us some hot summer shit that we can actually afford (bitch is the master of polyvore).

oh, and if you see the members of incredible local act isobell vibrating intensely with glee, it’s because they’re headed to FUCKING NATEVA. and we should all be very proud. and maybe they’ll rub up against zooey deschanel for us.