TD bunk.

4 11 2009

once upon a time, td bank was td banknorth, and before that even, it was people’s bank. how friendly! well, many moons ago when i was freshly graduated from college and not yet beat down and jaded by the cruelty of reality (when the suicide apartment seemed like my own tiny cockroach infested palace), i opened a checking and savings account at people’s bank. SIMPLY FREE! it said, which was good- because i think i made $22K that year. all i needed to do was let them transfer $25 from my checking¬† into my savings account every month. i was even allowed to transfer it immediately back out (which is what i always did, because as previously stated, i was completely broke).

anyhow, flash forward a few years. people’s gets bought out by TD bank, and becomes TD banknorth. as far as i can tell, nothing has changed. my bank accounts are still exactly the same, there are tootsie pops on the counter, and atms are plentiful throughout the city.

flash forward a few more years to this summer… TD banknorth is becoming TD bank! the excitement of it all! no seriously, they’re making a really big deal out of it with steel drums and ribbon dancers. it’s pretty messed up.

foolishly, i assume (like last time) that everything will be the same, and the only thing different will be the name. foolishly, i don’t read every piece of paperwork that the bank sends to me. foolishly, i think that me and my bank account will be living happily ever after…

the dark clouds roll in…

td bank decides that they are going to penalize me for not having enough money, by taking more of my money. brilliant! every time my checking account dips below $100 (even by a few cents)- $18 service charge. with my savings account, any time it dips below $250- a $4 service charge. basically, i can either let them hold $350 of my money hostage every month (which i can most certainly not afford to do), or i can pay them $22 a month. screw that shit!

i’m a religious check book balancer, so i noticed the extra charges right away. i called the customer service hotline, and a heavily scripted CSR told me (after smugly chastising me for not reading the paperwork they had sent) that TD bank had “introduced some new products”, and thus the change. products my ass! apparently, paying them $22 a month is just one of the many new conveniences i could experience at “america’s most convenient bank”.

anyway, i shut down my accounts immediately (with loud complaint!), and took my money to a place that i knew wouldn’t be bought out- the credit union. they don’t charge me anything at all, AND they gave me a free chapstick.

p.s. also, TD bank took the tootsie pops away, and now all their (piece of crap) lollipops- despite being colored green and purple, are all CHERRY FLAVORED! if that isn’t the mark of the devil, then i don’t know what is.

p.p.s. i knew i wasn’t the only one hating on TD bank!