chastity belt.

well, i made it through two weeks on $68, only to find myself in almost the exact same predicament again this month. will i ever live to float above the desperate line?  and i’m not desperate because i’m feeding my kids (or even my dog), or putting myself through school so i can stay off the pole. nope. i’m a victim of my own careless spending.

although i no longer spend money that’s not mine (credit cards), i do certainly rob myself of the pleasure of things like a reasonable savings account, or even just the comfort of being able to manage my money like a responsible adult (what, $7 isn’t enough for groceries?).

so last monday, i decided that i was going get my shit together and go on the “all cash system” that everyone financially responsible is always raving about. i  took $60 out of the ATM.

by tuesday night, i had gone out to eat 3 times and bought a new dress. i had burned through my cash and was using my card again. ALREADY.

this is exactly what happens to me when i go on a diet. by telling myself that i can’t have food that i want, i automatically end up eating 4 times more than i otherwise would… like somehow i think that by dieting, that means that i’m never going to eat anything good again. so i spaz out and eat everything.

it is clear that i am too stupid to overcome these impulse control problems with logic. thus, my only remaining option: BRUTE FORCE.

simply, i can’t spend money if i don’t have it. and this week, i’m giving up control. i have a small stash of bills (very small this week), and the debit card has been safely handed over to the boyfriend with strict instructions not to let me have it unless it’s an utter emergency.

like medical or family emergency, not amazing dress on sale emergency.

this can’t possibly not work. right?

any other crazy ideas out there for wrapping my hands a little more tightly around my financial situation? or am i hopelessly hopeless?

 

welcome to purge-atory. (part 1)

day one of the purge was less than remarkable. just like those sad folks on hoarders, i got sucked into a microproject that yielded limited results. to my credit, i did clean out an entire file cabinet of old bills and pay stubs.  (on a side note, if anyone wants to steal my identity, this upcoming trash day might be a good time). also, my house is not going to be condemned if i don’t finish my purging by the end of the second day.

yesterday was also further complicated by the boyfriend deciding that he wanted to join in the purging by bringing up 7 fully packed storage bins or childhood crap  from the basement to the living room and starting to dig through them. he is definitely the hoardier one of the two of us, and i got really stuck on trying to get him to throw his shit away. i actually at one point uttered the phrase “why did you just put that kite string in the ‘keep’ pile? you don’t own a kite.”

the fact that his stuff was all over the living room (making it impossible to move or clean) stressed me out horribly, and i became very mean. apparently, the boyfriend also becomes very mean when other people hover over him and try to force him to get rid of his stuff. it was a brutal afternoon.

after some vegetables and a full 9 hours of sleep however, i am looking at my shelves with renewed scrutiny, and am surprising myself with how much i am willing to give away.  today will be better, i’m sure of it (i’m not sure of it).

look for and update on the results of day 2 later today.

the plastic files.

first and foremost, i would like to apologize for not posting yesterday. i am still getting the hang of the daily posting gig, and also drank one too many bourbons after a particularly rough day and ended up face down on the couch at 8:30 instead of  writing my post. i repent. also, i am hungover as hell today- so my body is repenting too. but on to the promised content!

so i am very proud to say that a year has come and gone, and i have not used my credit cards even once. i did have to borrow money from the boyfriend on a couple of occasions, and i did certainly have more than a few months of barely scraping by (including and especially this one), but it still feels like progress to me. am i delusional? is learning to control my finances a gradual evolution, or should i have figured my shit out by now? i worry that it’s like being an alcoholic, where i either need to quit cold turkey or never get better…

as usual, i still have dreams and hopes of getting a tighter grip on my money and finally making a bigger dent in my debt this year. i’m still way behind from xmas and more other random unexpected shit (burst pipe!), but i’ve started a new habit to help defray at least a little of any future emergency money madness: i have become a gift card hoarder.

usually after xmas, i take any gift cards i might have and rush my little ass to the mall and spend spend spend…  but this year i promised myself that i would hold on to them for a bit and see what happened.  i have also amassed a few more from rebates and online surveys (i’ve had great luck with these guys), and my cache is looking quite tidy (see above). here’s my master plan:

the jumpsuit chronicles.

so it looks like i’ll be contributing more regularly to the goodwill of northern new england blog with my second hand fashion exploits, and i’m SUPER EXCITED about it. not only is it a chance to write for another cool local blog (especially one attached to such a super worthy cause as goodwill), but it’s also a really fantastic excuse for me to expand my ailing wardrobe.  in case you haven’t already heard the story a thousand times, i gained 30 lbs. 2 years ago, and have been exceptionally reluctant to buy bigger clothes. even when faced with the persistent reality that this is just the size that i am now,  i still  just can’t bring myself to invest in a wardrobe in a size that feels like it belongs to someone else. this is very stupid.

anyway, this new goodwill gig is a great way for me to ditch the unhealthy body image game, support a great cause, and remember why i love clothes shopping in the first place (and still maintain my budgetary goals). basically, it’s a win, win, win (with a side of win) situation (FTW).  i have a new post up today about an legendary sweater shopping weekend (OMG CASHMERE), but instead of just straight up posting links to my goodwill stuff, I thought it would be fun to give you guys some super secret outtakes from my horribly awkward and poorly lit fashion shoots (anyone out there want to take pictures of me- the boyfriend is a willing but unable photographer!).

so this week at goodwill, i  wrote about 3 awesome j crew sweaters that i bought, but what i didn’t mention is that i also found this most amazing 80s jumpsuit for $2.50 (way to go red barb!)! it’s totally ridiculous, and kind of makes me look preggo (or that my just be some post-xmas salt bloat), but i love it anyway. thinking about wearing it this summer with really tall platforms and some sort of giant gold belt. please note the button detailing on the sleeves and pants cuffs.  if only i had an animated gif of me operating the full frontal zipper.