death of a salesman.

let’s be clear: i am a terrible sales person.

when i was in 2nd grade, i quit girl scouts because i didn’t like being forced to sell cookies. in 5th grade, i quit trick or treating because it felt too much like solicitation. despite the fact that everyone loves girl scout cookies, and virtually every person in america has a bowl of candy at the ready on halloween, i couldn’t shake the dirtiness of asking someone to give me something- or worse, BUY SOMETHING!

it’s kind of my worst non-dismemberment related fear. like twitchy cold sweat vomit grade fear.

so here we are at IKEA bus time again, and we have 27 people signed up for a bus that holds 50. and on the inside, i’m all like OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT. but then again, i don’t actually want to ask anyone to to buy a ticket. or flood my facebook and twitter feeds with plugs for my little project. so i’m sort of at a stalemate.

so my decision was to try and overcome my fear in the least invasive and annoying way i could think of- a short and to the point blog post. just one more before i give up, pat myself on the back, and say “hey, 27 people is still pretty sweet. you’re gonna have a kick ass time”.

so here it is.

IKEAbus coma.

today, i took the day off.

i phoned in lazy to easter, and spent the day on the couch cuddling my dog, watching lousy horror movies on netflix, eating stale tony’s donuts, and lapsing in and out of consciousness.

as a person who normally shuns sleep, and tends to work until she passes out on the couch on a nightly basis… i don’t give myself a lot of lazy do-nothing days. actually, i don’t give myself any.

i have to say that the IKEAbus could definitely be classified as a success. nobody yelled at me, or asked for their money back, no fist fights broke out, and nothing burst into flames or turned into radioactive ooze. 

i am not a monster!!!

when i first conceived the IKEAbus many moons ago, everyone seemed really excited about it.  it was positive vibes all around, and it propelled me forward to the point where i actually put my tax return money down on a bus, in hopes that i could actually  fill it up with swedish furniture loving folks with $30 to spare. (ta da!)

a few weeks in and a few tickets (very few at that point) sold, i posted an article on the wsch around town blog about it, thinking that might be a good place to drum up some local enthusiasm. instead, i got this:

Hey WCSH why don’t you take more time talking about the great family run furniture stores that still exist here in Maine, as opposed to encouraging folks to take their business out of state, In a time when Maine is so desperate for every penny in business it can get, I find this irresponsible!

i didn’t know what to say. so stupidly, i said nothing (i really aught to rectify that).

well, i’ve spent the last few weeks ruminating about it, and here is what i have decided: