i try it!- danger in the kitchen laboratory.

if this blog post had a subheading, it would read: why leaving it to the professionals is sometimes the right thing to do.

so, during the SWAPmaine event a few weeks ago, the lovely keriann of mainely mara, turned me on to the starbucks black iced tea lemonade. HOLY CRAP. new heights of refreshing-ness! since that time, i think of drinking nothing else.

i’m not a coffee drinker, so the amount of time i spend at starbucks (which is inconveniently located multiple blocks from both my home & work) has always been fairly minimal. however, since SWAP day, i have been making any possible excuse to scoot my ass down to exchange street, all for the privilege of paying like $4 for something that tends to take me roughly 10 minutes to consume.

YET I CAN’T STOP.

the crack like pleasure that it affords me, appears to make the $4 surcharge fully worthwhile.

but $4 is expensive, and the $15 giftcard i had left over from xmas lasted almost about as long as it takes me to drink one of these fuckers. so in the spirit of practicality (starbucks is far) and frugality (starbucks is expensive), i decided that i would just gather the ingredients to make this mystical beverage, and assemble it myself in the kitchen lab. just think of all the dollars i would save!

HOW HARD COULD IT BE?

as it turns out, REAL HARD.

worth the trip- a little rusty edition.

god, it’s been a while. i’ve got a stack of uncut coupons collecting dust in my living room that fill me with longing and dismay every time i walk by them. the last few weeks i’ve just been so tired and busy, that all i can do is just go to trader joe’s and buy a lot of prepackaged bullshit (BEWARE- THOUGH DELCIOUS, TJS PREPACKAGED FOODS ARE STUFFED FULL OF BLOATY SODIUM). as a result, i’m a big bloated eggplant right now, and i’m having massive deal withdrawal. i got the coupon shakes.

i probably still won’t have time to go to the grocery store this week (let alone the rite aid or cvs), but to take the edge off of my desire, i figured i could at least round up some worthwhile deals for everyone else who does have clipping time in their schedule:

weekend pickthrough- put your sorries in a sack edition.

yeah. it’s been a ROUGH WEEK, and holy shit i’m sorry i haven’t posted. this is actually the longest i’ve ever gone neglecting my poor blog, but i assure you it was necessary! 6:30 am get up and walk dog, 7:45 am leave for work, 5 pm leave work, 5:15 pm grab a snack and pack bag, 6 pm arrive at show for performance, 11 pm return home from performance, eat snack, do laundry if applicable, 12-2 am go to sleep- maybe. wash. rinse. repeat.

i finally got a chance to sleep a bit this weekend (ok, 12 hours each night), but i still feel like i’m gasping for breath. and as i’m slowly bobbing to the surface for air, the universe is stuffing an xmas stocking in my mouth trying to smother me a bit further. anyway, i know my apologies mean nothing, but i’m giving them to you anyway (and you’ll take them! or else!).

here’s some mass linkage to help ease the pain. you may even get a real entry tomorrow!

waking up to a freshly ironed dress and a half-eaten watermelon, gary suspected elaine was back on ambien.

welcome to photo 1. please leave your photos of homeless squirrels romping in a graveyard as shot through your rearview mirror at the door.

harness the force and make yourself some festive last minute party decorations.

the free press compares hannaford, trader joes, and whole foods so that i don’t have to.

kind of a cool idea, until someone tries to rob you.

epic local cupcake showdown. and i do mean epic. oh, and epic over here too.

wow, this whitman’s sampler is serious about putting the christ back in christmas.

can’t go wrong with a heartwarming xmas tale where the punchline is “NAKED SANTA”.

3 bedrooms, 4 baths, and an unspeakable loneliness we can’t contemplate.

and emotionally scarring human interest story to brighten your morning!

best ink cartridge description EVER.

dewey decimal THIS.

 

sad cone doggy is sad.

apologies for the silence, i’ve been spending my hours trying to nurse sad cone doggy back to health. 2 teeth and 2 balls removed. poor baby! i’ve also been working on my final STRUT routine, for the big finale tonight. that said, i hope to shoot out a totally sweet post later today regarding my recent venture to TRADER JOE’S. yes, i had never been to one before. double yes, i am building an underground bunker and filling it with peppermint jojos. anyway, thank you for your patience! regularly scheduled programming will resume shortly.

weekend pickthrough- sleepless demon dog edition

fuck you dogsitting. i won’t give you all the grisly play by play, but let’s just say that day one of watching my boyfriend’s parents dog is NOT going according to plan. cliff’s notes version- i woke up on the couch at 6:45 (after a solid 3ish hours of sleep), and spent my morning getting dragged around town sniffing every pee puddle in town (view inset of demon dog sniffing sketchy street futon), and writing thank you notes to my neighbors for not calling the cops on us after the 2 am barkfest. FUCK.

but anyway,  i’m a ridiculous mess, and it’s all i could do all day to remain seated upright in my chair for 8 hours.  so sorry, the pickthrough this week is bit late and a bit (completely) all over the place.

uh oh, maybe trader joes move to portland is more sinster than we thought?

one girl. one year. one dress. one of the most brilliant projects i’ve ever seen.

this guy spends all day staring out the window to monument square and oogling the crazies, so you don’t have to.

finally, a comprehensive volume on the history/socio-economic impact of poop.

i’m not proud of my negative net worth, but i don’t think it’s healthy to be obsessed with it. living in your parent’s house? at 30? in a twin bed? i’ll take debt thank you.

the most amazing childhood toy you never had. (or if you did, i want to punch you)

seriously, who has a livejournal anymore? although… if you’re going to have a livejournal about something, it better be about all things creamed, chipped, and suspended in jello.

sassy, amazing, touching, brilliant. everyone, meet the irreverent widow.

a good christian’s guide to stripping.

vegans & vegetarians, arm yourselves! it’s time for some defensive omnivore BINGO!

hipsters beware! you’ll never know it’s happening until the transformation is complete.

weekend pickthrough- franchise invasion edition

maybe it’s because i’m in mourning for corey, or just because i’m rocking a heinous cold, but this week was kind of a bummer. i felt overtired and out of touch. uninspired. usually i collect a bucketload of linkworthy material over the course of the week that i weed out for the pickthrough. but this week, i found myself with a mere 2 links in my holding tank, neither one of which were particularly amazing.  last night i stayed up too late trying to claw through a week’s worth of material and came up with something, anything, but i’m still not satisfied. however, the time has come to move on. be it somewhat uninspired, i present to you a few small morsels of note:

r.i.p. corey haim. i kept a picture of you under my mattress when i was 10.

trader joe’s is comin! (we hope. a lot.)

and so is johnny rockets! admittedly, i haven’t heard dick about johnny rockets, but they have choclate malts  and a boca burger, so i’m not complaining.

zen and the art of orange cutting.

just because your contract rider says brown rice & kale, doesn’t mean that you don’t actually really want twinkies.

the classiest possible way to respond to a non-vitation.