shaking the bell.

so a while ago when i first discovered ulta, i mentioned that i was working on a super secret makeup related project that i would eventually tell you about. well, that day has finally come.

a really really long time ago, i had scored a bunch of freebie cosmetics with extrabucks that i didn’t know what to do with, and i wrote a post about donating makeup (or trying to unsuccessfully). when i called my favorite local charity to see what their stance was on the topic, they mentioned that they didn’t have a huge call for cosmetics, but that the teen girls go nuts for it. anyway, as the xmas/generically inoffensive holiday season started to approach, i started to think a about how all the programs are like “TOYS FOR TOTS” and such. it seems that people don’t seem to get the same warm holiday fuzzies getting gifts for older kids as they do for the grade school set, and how much does that suck?  anyway, it occurred to me that i could be stockpiling my free makeup, and then assemble little kits to donate around xmas time.

well, as of today, i have a pretty good hoard, but i still have some sizable gaps. i spoke with preble street yesterday, and they have 50 girls that their teen center services, and they want the finished product by december 9th! THAT’S 2 WEEKS!! so here is the part where i ask for your help. i am aiming to put together 25 kits (apparently they have a little gift mini mall and let the kids pick out what they want). if any of you other crazy coupon ladies out there have a makeup stash that is just taking up space, or you don’t give a shit about coupons but you just want to help out… here is your chance! i am looking for donations of the following items:

coming up for air.

this thanksgiving, i was thankful for a lot. finally getting to hang out with my mom on a holiday (it’s been 2 years!), fake gravy that tasted as good as regular gravy (way to go gardein!), and of course not having to go to work (although i did have to work on friday :P). but my biggest moments of gratefulness came long after dinner was through, and we were perched on the cusp of our black friday adventure.

now let me start by reminding you all that i am FUCKING EXHAUSTED. between burlesque rehearsals, costumes, midnight trips to boston, and trying to keep the pulse on this blog beating at least a little, i don’t get a lot of sleep. lately, it seems like less than ever. by 10 pm on thanksgiving evening, after 2 slices of pie, several pounds of mashed potatoes, and a lively and hour long debate with my mom about whether or not it’s irresponsible for people to have big families in the current economic climate (i’m looking at you michelle duggar), i was PRACTICALLY COMATOSE.

grateful moment #1: the boyfriend agrees  to skip our midnight walmart trip (sorry $6 lord of the rings trilogy) and go home to sleep instead.

admittedly i was still up until almost midnight looking for my lost CVS card (eventually found, but not before a significant meltdown). i was definitely not looking forward to my 4:30 am wake up call.

grateful moment #2: the boyfriend’s alarm clock doesn’t go off, and we wake up at 5:45.

ok, so we missed waiting outside the target in the slush, and getting to be first in line, but the extra hour and 45 minutes was an amazing gift. also, when we finally did get to target, there wasn’t much worth fighting for. the $2 movie titles SUCKED (random greatest american hero episodes?), and the line was more insane than anything i had ever seen before. it wound from the front registers all the way through the back of the store, through the toy and electronics departments, and ostensibly through some sort of wormhole in the center of the store.

grateful moment #3: after viewing the target line, the boyfriend (who is a black friday purist- a bargain warrior who got me into this mess in the first place) looked at me and said “fuck this shit, i’m shopping on amazon”.

basically, we just ended up chilling out at the mall for an hour or so, and then getting some burger king breakfast before i had to go back to work. even though the bargains were minimal, and i didn’t manage to score a single $2 dvd, getting things downgraded to low key/low expectations made this the best black friday ever.

here’s what i brought home:

worth the trip- the black album (with a plaid b-side).

i feel like it was just halloween. how exactly is it thanksgiving already? now, thanksgiving means a lot of things to me- pie, defending my vegetarianism against people who think it is a personal attack, pie, rolling my eyes at football, pie, and most of all… BLACK FRIDAY.

to many, getting up at the pre-crack of dawn in order to shiver outside in the icy icy weather in a line of other assholes who also think that this is a good idea does not seem like a privilege. i know it seems wrong on a number of levels, but i can’t stop myself. i’m not even buying any xmas presents. i’m not even trying to score big ticket items at crazy low prices. i just really love a hot bargain, and have designs on expanding my chick flick collection for less than $2 a dvd.

now traditionally, one gets the thanksgiving paper and weeds through the ads while digesting their  gravy coated food baby after dinner (sort of like half time before the pie round). but since this is the internet age, and we’re all a big fucking pack of cheaters, there are multiple websites offering up all the black friday deal fliers days before anyone has to stick their hands into a frozen turkey and pull out the “giblet sack” (and people question my vegetarianism?).

i love black-friday. net, but it really doesn’t make a fucking difference if you go there or to blackfriday.info or even blackfriday.com. the point is that i’ve been planning my black friday shopping strategy for DAYS. here is my present  ACTION PLAN:

worth the trip- useless product bonanza.

the entire back page of the rite aid flier this week is stuffed full of single check rebate freebies, none of which i actually want. my chapstick peanut (yes, i have a peanut shaped jar on my coffee table filled with chapstick) is overflowing, and fuck if i know what a nasa-dock is. i’m ripping off the offending back page, and tossing aside like a cheap whore. in my mind the only things worth pursuing are:

1. better than free gain dish detergent. $.89 with a $1/1 coupon in last weekend’s paper. $.11 in pocket, no waiting for rebates, no +anythings.

2. because my udders are always getting chapped in the winter time, i might pick up the udderly smooth lotion for $1- free after $1 +UP.

3. according to iheartriteaid.com there is a $2/1 coupon floating around for playtex tampons. combined with a $2/2 video values coupon, and a $2 +UP reward… blah blah blah… free. except that i can’t find the coupon. what i can find are 2 $1.50/1 coupon that will work almost as well. $1 for 2 boxes of tampons= not too shabby.

4. on my quest for free makeup, i’m also going to check up on the 40% off maybelline. apparently there’s a $2/1 on the video values site (along with a coupon for something called “fast results herpes” that i chose not to click on), as well as some $3/2 coupons that i grabbed off a tearpad at the ulta last week that might add up to freeness… or at least super cheapness (which is also acceptable).

cvs is ultrabunk this week in a way that is almost hilarious (except for the part where it’s tragic). sure, there’s some free toothpaste, but i’m gonna pass on the blood sugar monitors and crap soda. really, the only notable thing at cvs right now is something so outrageously awful, that i can’t even believe that it exists. ladies & gentlemen, i present to you the icraig tower stereo system. now, i don’t know dick about stereo equipment, but i’m pretty sure this is a flaming piece of $99 shit (despite being advertised as a “red hot deal”.

shaws was marginally better with some good deals on things that i like.

1. green giant boxed veggies. i like to keep these in the freezer for when i feel like i’m dying, but i haven’t been to the grocery store in 3 weeks. sort of “in case of emergency break glass” vegetables. $1 each with a $1/3 coupon from like 4 newspapers, they’re only $.66 each. although the real winner is the $.60/3 coupon at smartsource right now. doubled to $1.20, the veggies are a mere $.60 each. a $.50/1 printable doubled= FREE. thanks for the tip anastasiav! i can’t believe i paid $.60! what an ass!

2. i actually missed out on the cheap ass dragone ricotta cheese this week thanks to some local shelf cleaners (it was gone by saturday morning!), but perhaps they’ve restocked by now. on sale for BOGO, with $.55/1 printables from coupons.com, i’m guessing you can grab yours for around a dollar. ricotta freezes really well, so stock up!

3. fage yogurt is on sale for $1.29. shit is generally like $1.89 or more (for a single yogurt!), which is ludicrous, but it’s the only yogurt that i like. also, you can grab a $.50/1 from their website (one print per computer- boo!) and double that to get at least one of your yogurts for $.29.

4. what is it about the back pages this week? BUNK SHAW’S– BUNK!. apparently if you buy 5 of the kraft or shaws products on the back page, you get a $5 catalina for your next shopping trip. it could be a good deal, except that i don’t actually want any of this bullshit. 5 jars of shitty peanut butter for $3.85 is probably your best deal, although you can also get 5 boxes of capri sun for $5. the only thing i would actually want is the kraft shredded cheese, ($1.40 a bag if you buy 5  at $2.50/each and use those $1/2 from the 9/26 smartsource) and i don’t have any room in my fridge after the $2 sargento bonanza a couple weeks ago.

target is a minefield of halloween candy and baby crap this week. decent deal on $2 fiber one bars, and this sweet ass submarine shaped shower caddy… but really nothing. NOTHING!

some final bits and pieces… hot bonus coupon for 40% off your entire purchase of paints, pastels, pencils and markers at michael’s in addition to their regular 40% off any one item coupon. $10 t-shirts until the 14th at threadless, 20% off any one item at ulta, and my boyfriend informs me that $59.99 for a 1 TB external hard drive at staples is a hot deal (is it? i’ll never know).

overall, it’s a whole lotta nothing this week. i may just skip this bitch all together.

worth the trip- full cosmetic takedown.

so i’d never even heard of ulta before i drove by the mall a few days ago and saw that one had sprung up in the gaping void left by vinny ts (ok, maybe gaping void is a little dramatic- did ANYBODY go to that restaurant?). now generally, i would not entirely give a shit about a giant box store peddling makeup (sorry sephora, i’m just a low maintenance kind of girl), but they seduced me in with a $5 off $10 coupon in my sunday paper. i also did a little research and found out that in addition to their own lines and the high end lines they carry, they also carry all the drugstore brands, AND they take manufacturers coupons. SCORE! their flier showed a host of buy one get one 50% off deals on the drugstore brands, and i rounded up my very best coupons and headed over to see what i could do:

2 neutrogena blushes at $5.99 each with the BOGO50% sale, a $3/1 coupon (from all you) and a $2/1 coupon from this weekend’s paper= $3.99

2 NYC color nail polishes for $1.99 each with BOGO50% sale and a BOGO coupon from all you (seriously, if you don’t get all you, you’re doing yourself a profound coupon disservice)= $.99

2 cover girl eye shadows at $3.29 each with the BOGO50% sale, and 2 $1/1 coupons from the P&G brandsaver= $2.94

total= $7.92 minus the $5/$10 coupon from the paper= $2.92! i got all of the above makeup for less than $3! AND for joining their rewards club (totally free and painless to join), they gave me a sack of free goodies including a full size nail polish and eye shadow, scented body cream, and some fancy hair serum.  oh, and a 20% off coupon for next time. SUPER SCORE. also, the staff was super friendly and extremely patient with my crazy coupon ladyness. i’m hoarding this makeup for a secret project (details soon), so especially if they keep the coupon love flowing, i will definitely be going back again.

shaw’s- ok, i have never been a big fan of the “can-tastic savings” event, and this week was not particularly different. the only thing i deemed worth grabbing was the $.88 progresso soup. i had a $.50/2 coupon (doubled of course) from a coupon book i got in the mail, and considering they’re usually around $2 a piece, i thought that $.38 each was a good deal.

target– sadly, all the clearanced all natural fruit roll ups & herbal essences 2 packs were already gone (who are you target shelf cleaner? reveal yourself!), but they did have a good deal on hunts diced tomatoes at $.82 a can (screw you can-tastic savings) and i had a $1/3 coupon. $.48 a can seems pretty good, especially because chili season is upon us. they also had the deluxe velveeta mac & cheese (i’m obsessed with mexi-mac) for $1.52, which is pretty much as low as i’ve seen it anywhere (including walmart). there was a good $1/2 coupon in the paper last week (i think!), so $1 a box for me at least, seemed like a score. although again, nothing amazing.

rite aid- the free crest toothpaste and nivea lip care are definitely on the top of my list, but that schick coupon they’re all talking about on the deal websites doesn’t exist up here (kind of like the revlon coupons that never show up in the maine papers). also, i’m gonna pass on the incontinence pads. otherwise, meh. decent deal on frosted flakes ($1.60 per box when you buy 5), and cottonelle 12 packs are only $3.99 after +UP (the only coupons i could find were $.50/2), which is a pretty good price for toilet paper (especially if you’ve ever paid $1 or more for a “desperation roll” at a gas station).

cvs- roughly as much excitement going on at the cvs, but there is a good $.99 revlon nailpolish deal (after ECBs- limit 6!), which would be free if you had any revlon coupons floating around. i didn’t, but i got it anyway because i didn’t want to waste the $4/$20 that the emailed me this weekend. however, the big deal to look out for is lurking in the magic coupon machine. $5 off all halloween decorations and costumes with NO MINIMUM PURCHASE! i bought a pair of striped tights and some purple hairspray for  $.99.  the big bummer was really getting the coupon (it’s a “one day only”) in a store that had kind of a minimal halloween section.

big lots- there is a 4/$10 movie deal goin on at the big lots right now on all regularly $3 movies. i couldn’t find 4 that i liked (my local store didn’t have deep blue sea as advertised- FAIL!), but i did find a copy of rocket science, which is a great movie starring portland’s very own oscar nominee, anna kendrick.  anyway, even though i didn’t buy 4 movies, it still came up as $2.50. they’ve got some decent horror, and the usual sub “straight to DVD” quality (heartbeeps anyone?), but if you like to dig through big bins of crap- there are occasionally some gems in there.