weekend pickthrough- scavenger *unts edition.

1 11 2010

big weekend folks. BIG WEEKEND. first and foremost, it was halloween, and i went to the single most kick ass halloween party of my life. probably of anyone’s life. huge props to my friend and party planning hero @profdiddy (and his equally awesome partner in crime mike d.) for managing to organize and seamlessly pull off a city wide scavenger hunt with 35 costumed, drunken and belligerent participants. oh, and while keeping score of the 40+ scavenger hunt items that people were rapid firing via text message to home base, they still somehow managed to put together a comprehensive slide show of the whole mess and donate the proceeds of the evening to my favorite local cause, the preble street resource center. some things i learned:

1. do not underestimate the power of a wasted chick dressed up like a crazy cat lady (even if she can’t stop screeching about her pussy while littering the streets with stuffed cats). she somehow managed to sweet talk our way into the fire station and get photographed kissing a fire fighter in the front seat of the fire truck, AND convinced 6 patrons of one of the fanciest restaurants in town to make a human pyramid in the middle of the street. at times embarrassing, inappropriate, and totally unsafe… this is the one woman that your scavenger hunt team can not do without. thanks again jolene!

2. people will do just about anything if you tell them it’s for a scavenger hunt (especially if that scavenger hunt benefits a charity). i already mentioned the human pyramid, but we wrapped strangers up in toilet paper, had them do the human wheelbarrow, got them to juggle mini pumpkins, and do full splits (while still on their waitressing shift). we even convinced an older gentleman dressed like santa clause to pretend that his giant candy cane was a giant joint. city of portland residents- YOU KICK ASS.

3. being a good scavenger is as much about being smart and ballsy as it is about being opportunistic. one of our challenges was to recreate iconic rolling stone covers with our team mates and strangers from the streets (with extra points for creative use of non-human objects). while in the fire house getting our kiss picture, we managed to wander upon rescue randy here. with some quick thinking and a willingness to roll around on the fire station floor, my friend michelle knocked the john and yoko cover pictured above out of the park. save for the guy dressed up as darth maul who actually got naked to reenact the same photo for his team- it was pretty much the hit of the evening.

4. don’t use the word “cunt” in your team name, or you won’t win the best team name contest.

for the record, we didn’t win (not even close), but it didn’t matter at all. i wish i could share all the racy and ridiculous photos with you, but you’ll just have to draw some pictures of what you think happened. i don’t think my friends would ever speak to me again if i plastered them all over my blog.

the second big thing about this weekend, is that it marks the kickoff of national novel writing month.  basically, it’s a group of people who have committed to attempting to write a 50,000 word novel from november 1-30th. just 1,667 words a day. simple, right? i’ve actually failed 3 prior challenges (the prize is the ultimate victory of having finished a novel), but i have a strong support system this year and am making one big change that i hope will increase my chance of crossing the finish line for once:  don’t ask me to hang out this month, because i’ll probably say no. i’m making deep cuts into my social life in the name of my writing, including a commitment not to go out to eat (save for one overdue birthday dinner IOU) for the entire month (perhaps this will also have a positive effect on my wallet?).  if you’re interested in reading my novel as it slowly rolls out, or you wanna jump on the writing train yourself, you can find my info here (if you’re in the writing mood, i demand you be nano friends with me).

i know, another weekend pickthrough without actually picking through anything. with election day around the corner, most of what i’m finding interesting lately has been about politics- and i don’t think this is the right venue to open that pandora’s box… (although i am happy to discuss it with anyone privately if they’re so inclined). also, i haven’t really seen anything super funny for a while. well, except maybe this.





weekend pickthrough- let’s get into physical edition.

18 10 2010

thursday was a big day for me. as you might have read in my last post, i went to the mat for round 2 of amateur burlesque booty shakin, and this time, i was getting physical. let’s just say that there was a shake weight involved. oh, and a thigh master. and if you can believe it, I WON! it was pretty kick ass. there were 7 other acts competing with everything from sexy circus, to sexy redneck, to SEXY ORGAN HARVEST (i shit you not)…and it’s still pretty hard to believe that my goofy ass aerobicizing actually took home the prize ($50 and a chance to do it all again on november 11th in the finals). my routine also involved me pouring a bunch of water on myself, and i walked around looking like i peed my pants for the rest of the evening. zexxxy.

anyway, i have a little less than a month to come up with the another routine, and the balls to do it all again. yipes. i was down for the count for 3 days afterward just recovering from the stress and lost sleep for this round, i’m not entirely sure i have it in me to do it again. the competition will be crazy stiff this time, and i don’t have a goddamn clue what i’m gonna do for a number (any ideas?).

oh, and my mom finally found out about my second life as candy sprinkles, and we had to have a little chat about it. she won’t come see me in the finals… but she’s glad i’m not stripping. mostly, i think she thinks that i’m crazy. she’s probably right.

now how about that weekend pickthrough…

my friend michelle calls my dog k.lo because he requires an umbrella holder when we go out in the rain or he refuses to poop. maybe i should just get him one of these. while i’m at it, i should upgrade my dog to the crazy one in the picture.

drawing stuff is overrated. i bet futurama would be just as awesome in just three pixels.

everything you need to know about personal finance can fit onto the back of 5 business cards.

home made twix bars FTW.

somebody needs to buy this dog so that it can play with my dog. right now. i said get on it.

if anyone out there happens to be writing a novel next month and wants to play with me, i’m hanging out over here.

it’s motherfucking halloween, and that means one thing- MOONLIGHT CORN MAZE!

apparently, this is maine’s hottest bachelor. meh. cute, but i think we can do better (sort of like miss maine always has a big nose or a fat ass and NEVER makes top 10).

um, dogbeards?





looking a little pastie.

13 10 2010

a couple of months ago, i took my top off in a bar full of strangers and lived to tell the tale. i promised to give you all the full rundown sometime in the indeterminate future… well, that future is now- and this piece is 2 STRUTs for the price of one (one as a STRUTter and one as a not so casual observer). it’s posted on over at the observer, but their direct link is a little screwy right now, so you can find the piece in its entirety below. and in case you’re local and didn’t get a chance to see/feel/taste/participate in the carnage that was my  STRUT performance, i’ll be shakin it one final time tomorrow (october 14th) at geno’s. come support/join/ogle me, or at least come point and laugh.

Confessions of a late night STRUTter- A lesson in bringing it.

As a woman on a firm trajectory toward her mid-thirties who packed on an extra 30 lbs. 2 years ago and is still using “I got divorced” as an excuse for her somewhat doughy physique, one might not guess that I’d be jumping at the chance to get mostly naked in a room full of strangers. Two months ago, I probably wouldn’t have guessed that either. But then, burlesque happened. Read the rest of this entry »





don’t make me beg.

16 05 2010

seriously, don’t make me do it. is it really so hard to take a blurry cameraphone photo of your favorite thrift store find and email it to me? is it really so hard to take the $25 gift card prize and go buy more awesome stuff? i’ve received a few more entries to the goodwill giveaway madness contest (as indicated by the AMAZING salty pete lamp in the upper right corner over there that takes you to the contest gallery), but it’s NOT ENOUGH! it’s flea market and garage sale season, so get your asses out there and do it. for example, i hit the montsweag today, and scored the very amazing crazy 60s airplane crossection picture at the left. and don’t be fooled by the pricetag, i only paid $10 for it.  you probably could have talked them down further… but i guess you don’t care about free money AND ultimate victory.  just in case you change your mind, i’m accepting entries until the 31st.