holy spring cleaning jackpot batman: an ode to free stuff.

despite the fact that my attempts at going dairy free are not going quite  as planned (and certainly not providing the result that i think the silk company was looking for), i am still grateful to the fine folks at bzzagent for hooking me up with the free soymilk. i love free stuff, and i am always completely shocked when companies are willing to throw it at me just because i MIGHT be willing to discuss their product online.

remember that time that time i got that full sized bottle of pantene in the mail from vocalpoint? i sent that shit to preble street, and nobody even noticed. why just last week they offered me a free pint of some sort of flavored creamer (which will hopefully go a bit better than my last unsavory creamer incident).

but back to bzzagent. after many months of not getting offered crap from them (free redbox rental- big whoop), i got the soy milk offer AND an SC johnson cleaning product offer all in one week. my silk package arrived in an envelope, just coupons and a handful of propaganda that i didn’t read (sorry silk!) (sort of). so i figured that my spring cleaning kit would also show up in booklet form.

instead, i got this:

cranky pants: an ethical conundrum.

surprise! i’m a fucking wreck this week.  the balls to the wall schedule, the stress (MUST LEARN TO TAP DANCE!), the poor diet (toast and hersehy kisses again?), the lack of sleep… i suck hard right now, and there’s no denying it. i’ve even been cranky with my poor dog (who has been attempting to eat his own poop lately,but still doesn’t deserve the ‘tude)!

unfortunately, my intense level of crank got spit out into the universe this week in kind of a crazy way.  i sent an EXTREMELY BITCHY email to a company that at the time I felt had seriously wronged me. and then i regretted it. and then i didn’t regret it… and then i asked you to tell me whether or not i should regret it (i think i feel a poll coming on).

totally buzzed.

it’s no secret that i love me some free stuff. now i’ve proclaimed my love for vocalpoint many a time… as i have long considered it the king of the product testing/free shit sites with their seductive full size samples and fistfuls of high value coupons. except that lately, vocalpoint has left me a little cold. i mean how many boxes of kashi cereal can one girl really eat? oh, and the bounce dryer bar was just about the stupidest invention EVER. but i suppose even like 100 lame lowes coupons are better than a completely barren landscape.  i had tried kraft first taste and pssst! but got a big fat delivery of BUNK. even myblogspark has forsaken me!

but a few months back, i saw a post on ilovetogossip regarding a service i had never heard about… bzzagent. basically it was the same old song and dance where they say they’ll send you free products, in exchange for tweeting that shit up, or writing about it on your blog.  but then, all they offered me for like months and month was a crappy free redbox rental. boo! but a couple of weeks ago… THEY FINALLY SENT ME SOMETHING THAT I WANTED!

last week my coupons & “press kit” for thomas’ bagel thins arrived in the mail. a $4/1 coupon, 5 $1/1 coupons, some educational materials, and of course, not 1 but 3 bagel shaped magnets. it’s no secret that i’m in a perpetual state of vaguely trying to lose weight. i also have a deep and unquenchable lust for bagels. thus, a free bag of 110 calorie diet bagels seemed like an awesome idea. and in many ways, it was. here are 5 things i learned about bagel thins from my recent quality time alone with them:

weekend drugstore dash.

i’m a chronic overscheduler. between the job and the blog and friends and other related and non-related nonsense, i don’t have a ton of free time for things like couponing. which is kind of ridiculous and stupid, because i write a blog about couponing, which probably means i’m not doing a very good job. but anyway, i finally managed to steal a pocket of time this week to filter the expired crap out of my coupon folder and see what i had going on that i might not want to waste (like i usually do- see copious incidences of me being a coupon asshole below). shit, is my rite aid allergy rewards check already expiring on the 15th? i feel like the last one they sent me stayed fresh for way longer. too bad there’s not really anything amazing worth blowing $20 on this week at rite aid, and of course i’m hitting the stores on SATURDAY after everything good has probably already been cleaned off the shelves… but i didn’t buy $75 worth of allergy medication just to throw my rebate away. and well, a girl has to make do:

28 count prilosec that i require for life (and also because i’m an asshole who missed the 42 count sale last week), $18.99 with $3/1 coupon from the most recent P&G insert, and $4 SCR= $11.99.

2 boxes of kotex U tampons (you know, the hipster tampons with the crazy colors and wacky commercials) for $7/2 with 2 $1/1 coupons (they’re everywhere these days, especially if you got any of the rampant free samples), and $3/SCR= $1 each. according to the lady behind the counter, stacking is no longer an option at rite aid. you get as many coupons as you have items. to prove said theory- 3rd rite aid video values coupon was rejected. boo-urns 😦

speaking of video values, i rarely actually pay attention to the commercials you have to watch, but was totally intrigued by the tresemme dry shampoo. as a girl who often oversleeps on work days and ends up poorly camouflaging her dirty hair in pony tails, this seems like a pretty interesting option. even if it can just take the edge off the dirt, it will still be an improvement. review forthcoming. tresemme products on sale for $3.29/1, and i used my $2/1 rite aid video values coupon= $1.29.

i needed a few more filler items to make sure i got my $20 worth, so i grabbed a nivea bodywash for $5.39 (again, i missed it when it was free last week- fuck me), and used that $4/1 coupon that everyone was so excited about= $1.39. i also grabbed a box of puffs plus for $.99, and used a $1/1 coupon that i got from vocalpoint (i also have 3 $.50/1 coupons i’m hoarding until they got on sale at shaw’s and i can get more freebies).

i’m too tired/lazy to do the math, but somehow i got $.80 back in change after the $20 gift certificate, and $5/$25 that i got for activating my wellness card. btw, you should totally get one of those. and don’t forget, i’ll also be getting $7 back in single check rebates. AND there was a sweet $1/1 NYC cosmetics tearpad that i pillaged. i did leave a few behind though, so if you’re in the sketchy east end rite aid area (follow the trail of empty high gravity beer cans), go and grab them!

as it turned out, cvs was having some incredible deals this week, and since i never go there anymore, they’re presently trying to win me back with $/$$ coupons. this week i got $3/$15, which is good- because it’s a no pressure kind of amount.

crest pro-health toothpaste for $3.50 with $3.50 back in extrabucks! i had one coupon for $1/1, but the limit was 2, so i went for it anyway= $1 moneymaker.

again with the hipster feminine hygiene! this time $4.99 for a box of neon pantiliners- with $4.99 back in extrabucks and a $1/1 coupon= $1 moneymaker.

right guard something or other with the number 5 on it was on sale for $2.69 each with $2 in extrabucks. the limit was 2, and i also had a $3/2 coupon from coupons.com, and ended up yet another $1.62 richer.

probably my most impressive find (since is wasn’t mentioned on the majority of the coupon blogs) was a use for my stash of $2/1 pantene coupons from vocalpoint. on sale for $6.97/2 (random!) with $3 back in extrabucks, i again made $.03 on the deal.

with the $3/$15 and $9.50 in extrabucks, i paid $5.75 oop, and got a whopping $19 back in ecbs, hot damn!

with the exception of 15 very unfortunate minutes spent dressing room wrestling with a cheap lauren conrad for kohls zipper that made me bleed in not one but 2 places (and almost required that i call for help to get me free from its clutches), these are the kind of days that help me remember why i started this crazy blog in the first place. paying retail (or paying at all) is for suckers. i made money buying things today and there isn’t a side eye in the world that could make me stop.

magic box.

fucking vocalpoint man. how did i live so long without you? i say this in all completely unpaid sincerity. not that i wouldn’t accept payment for my adoration… but you never call. regardless, i love you anyway. since we first met, you have showered me with free gifts and high value coupons, asking little or nothing in return. not only are you generous with the swag, but said swag is always wrapped up in the most exquisite high-concept packaging. expensive!

but today, today was something else. sure, i vaguely remember signing up for a pantene sample few weeks ago… but i was in no way emotionally prepared for what arrived at my doorstep via UPS. UPS!  full color… die cut 2 part box whose unfolding petals revealed a full sized bottle of shampoo and 3 $2/1 coupons.

*jizz* *jizz*

seriously vocalpoint, or pantene, or whoever. how exactly is it that you can afford to give this shit away?

sick day.

i’ve been bragging a lot about how i never get sick. last time i did, i barfed for two days. this time, i have become the world’s most foremost producer of mucous. i am grotesque. i spent the better half of the day at work sitting at my desk trying to will my brain case not to explode and cover my whole office with goo. the latter half, i spent face down on my couch whacked out on dayquil. why is this relevant you ask?  well, i speak today on the subject of good timing.

yesterday after work, before the snot avalanche began, i took a trip to rite aid in search of toilet paper. how dare i run out in the first place, but especially during a week where nothing that great is happening in the paper products category.  but poor planning and making do are what i’m good for, so here’s what i came up with:

2 12-packs of cottonelle on sale for $5.99 each.
6 boxes puffs plus (with lotion- for my mangled nose) @ $.79 each.
1 box kashi heart to heart cereal @ $4.99.

total: $21.71

minus:

$5/$20 rite aid video values coupon.
2 $1/1 cottonelle video values coupons (one from last month and one from this month).
$1.50 in random cottonelle newspaper coupons that i had in the stash.
$1/6 puffs plus coupon (again from the newspaper stash).
1 free box of kashi heart to heart cereal or crackers coupon from vocalpoint (i fucking love those guys, and they don’t even pay me to do it).

= $6.22.

no, it’s not free. but in a pinch, 24 rolls of decent toilet paper, a box of fancy pants cereal, and 6 boxes of tissues for $6 is still pretty damn decent.  but back to the good timing. the universe may be punishing me for bragging about my iron immune system (seeming more like aluminum lately), but at least it had mercy enough to get me to buy 6 boxes of tissues in advance. might i add, 3 of which are already open and half gone (upstairs, downstairs, and work).

twitter deficiency.

remember that time 4 months ago when i was lamenting about how i had lost 2 of my 6 twitter followers, and feeling very pitiful about the whole situation? well, things have turned around a bit. not only do i now have 120 followers (still sort of sad, but a distinct improvement), but i have also become a complete twitter whore. neither of these facts are probably of any real interest to most of you, but in my slutting it up all over the twitterverse (twittersphere? twittopolis?), i’ve learned a few things worth sharing:

1. don’t be scared. despite the fact that justin bieber has never not been a trending topic, twitter is not just for the youngins. actually, this article clearly shows that twitter is for grownups. so take that .

2. yeah sure i can use twitter to tell people that my dog’s farts smell like peanuts, or that i just got a bitchin high score on guitar hero. but more and more people are actually using twitter to send out  news stories, or start discussions, or to promote businesses, seminars, and networking groups. the point is that twitter right now is more thoughtful than you think. twitter is saying things that you want to hear (with a little bit about dog farts on the side).

3. but still, why am i bothering with this shameless twitter pimp? well, just about every coupon blog lady on the continent has one. instead of having to keep up with a roll call of bookmarks and daily website visits, or copious email subscriptions, you can give a quick scroll through their daily tweets- blatantly ignoring the ones that don’t interest you. find out what’s free, what’s on sale, what’s worth doing, what’s not worth doing… pick a topic- it’s all there (especially justin bieber). in the last frew months since i got my tweet on, i have:

1. been reminded that i needed to opt in to get a full size bottle of shampoo from vocalpoint.

2. learned that there was vegetarian broccoli cheddar soup @ a local coffee house that i had never been to.

3. had goodwill tweet me the color of the week, and marden’s let me know when the good stuff has arrived.

4. said something clever enough that my mommyblog hero (mindi cherry @ mom’s need to know) started following me! (spoiler- it involved hardcore hamster sex)

5. learned about a kick ass twitter management program called hootsuite. (thanks josh!)

6. been contacted by the reporter who would eventually interview me for the press herald.

7. found out that there was a monthly tweetup where my twitter friends materialize into real people.

8. been informed that the review i wrote got posted on the counter at peanut butter jelly time.

ok, so i meant for there to be 10 points, but it’s late and i just ran out of big love, so i’m going to bed. but i think my message is still clear. twitter is about connecting. whether it’s with deals, or locals, or just people who have something good to say… it has the potential to save you time, and money, and give you a reason to think or laugh. it’s everything interesting that the day has to offer, all rolled up into bite size (140 character) chunks. and you can keep the dog fart level as high or as low as you want.  come on, you’re missing it!!!

for my fellow twit-hos, who’s your favorite follow? (and how can i be following you?)

geriatric mambo.

rite aid is for the elderly again this week (from flexamin to fiberchoice and back again) . which is fantastic, if you’re over 75… but i’m very much not, which means no real deals for me. there are a few small bits and pieces that i might pick up if i’m in the bargaining mood… but i think i might also skip this week and save myself for some slightly livlier deals:

always maxi pads, liners, and tampax tampons are on sale for $2.99 with a $2 SCR. use any number of $1/1 or $1/2 coupons floating around, and you can have those suckers for free or cheap.

febreze air effects– which i deem to be the least offensive of the spray air fresheners, is on sale this week for $2.49 with a $1 SCR. there was a $1/1 in this weekend’s p&g brandsaver, getting you a can for just $.50.

cheap cereal! there’s a $.50 in-ad coupon for certain kellogg’s & kashi cereals this week, plus it’s on sale for $2.49.  if i use a couple of my vocalpoint $1.50 off kashi go lean coupons, i could get myself a box for $.50.

mentos gum is on sale for $.99, and i have a couple of $.55/1 coupons from the 9/13 smartsource. $.44 is pretty good i guess… but i remember when gum used to cost $.25, and i’m not that old!

crest & oral b– there were an assortment of $1/1 coupons in this week’s p&g brandsaver, when combined with the $2.50 sale and $1 SCR, could equal $.50 toothbrushes or toothpaste.

lastly, since i’m always looking for prilosec/omeprazole… 42 count boxes of prilosec are on sale this week for $24.99 with a $6 SCR. i also have a $3/1 coupon from both last month & this month’s p&g brandsaver… which when combined with a $5/$25 (it looks like the coupons.com link is gone… but if you printed your 2 and save them…) could equal $10.99 prilosec- which is pretty good for prilosec, but rite aid brand omeprazole works just as well, and is significantly cheaper- even after coupons.

olay pro disappointment.

i assumed that for joining vocalpoint, i became entitled to all free  samples available. thus, when i saw that the excessively expensive olay prox line, i was all sorts of excited about my free sample and accompanying coupons. apparently, i missed some email they sent me about how i needed to “opt in” to receiving the sample. all 65,000 samples were gone in 12 hours. shitty bitches. anyway, lesson learned. read the emails from vocalpoint or miss out on the good shit.

monday mailbox- now with extra ranting.

pretty good mail day. unexpected book of $3/$30 coupons from shaws. not earth shattering savings, but combined with the right coupons, could turn good deals excellent- and i have been shopping there a lot lately (even if they didn’t have lettuce!!!).

finally got my secret clinical protection sample from vocalpoint yesterday. i have hyperhydrosis, which basically means that my underarms sweat constantly- regardless of the temperature or level of exertion. arousing! anyway, i’ve been using something called certain dri for years, which works great (i don’t sweat at all anymore), but is kind of harsh and stingy, and has the least sexy packaging ever (i hide it in my medicine cabinet because it’s pretty embarrassing). anyway, i’m actually excited to test this out.

i was a little bummed that there were no freebie coupons, but i’m probably starting to feel a little entitled in a way that is maybe not so great.  i read something yesterday that kind of rubbed me the wrong way…  someone was talking about “the plight of the couponer”, and all we have to endure in our efforts to save… irritable checkout clerks & managers… irritable customers in line behind us… rewards that don’t spit out when they’re legitimately earned… oh woe is us! anyway, i understand that being a super-couponer can be a little rough sometimes, but the truth is that we are inconveniencing people on both sides of the register. yes, we’re not doing anything wrong, and yes it’s great that we can get those savings… but  it’s irritating to stand behind us in line, and irritating when things don’t scan properly and the clerk has to go through every single line item on the register tape to make sure that we got our $.50 off. we are the reason that people curse themselves for “picking the wrong line”. i talk about this a little more in my “stay classy” section, but the key is to be organized, be ridiculously polite to everyone, and know when to walk away from the table. these savings are a privilege that we should be grateful for. let’s not let it turn us into crotchety old bitches who are happy to waste everyone’s time in pursuit of an extra dollar.