Live Free or IKEA Hard (and some other boring shit about my life).

Wow, it’s super sad that the last time I updated this blog was a year ago when the last IKEA bus was ready to fly… I was writing for mainetoday.com for a while, and then my life just kind of rolled out of my hands like a rogue ball of yarn and I spent the last year doing “other things.” I painted a house, I wrote some short plays, I painted some terrible self portraits, and I made a lot of pies. Oh, and I watched every single episode of House M.D. Two times. In my bed.  It was a weird year.

And, here I am. I want to start writing again. But, I also want to start jogging again, and obviously that’s gone really well [so fat].

I made a new blog header, and found some less lousy social media icons… I don’t know if I like them, but whatever. Point being, I’m considering a comeback. If one can consider going from single digit to double digit page views a comeback. Or if anyone even notices when a marginally successful blogger rises from the grave…

But, enough of my ellipses and the narcissistic pontifications.

What can I do for you?

I may not have been writing, or doing other blog stuff, but I am still rockin’ the IKEA Bus if you’re interested. Shit is going down on May 31st, and you can buy tickets right here. You can even get out of town delivery if you’re so inclined (and are willing to pay a small fee). You should come. There will be snacks.

Also, if you don’t need any particle board furniture, maybe you want new summer clothes? SwapMaine is up to its old tricks again with our spring swap coming right at your face on May 17th. Come fill up yo sack with all the skinny pants that I have to discard because they’re making me feel bad.

 

 

weekend pickthrough- go the *uck outside edition.

it’s summertime y’all! and as such, we will likely be keeping summer hours around these blog parts.  it is ludicrously beautiful outside, and i plan on spending as much time as humanly possible outdoors. other states are nice and all, but i like to think that maine puts them all to shame. here i am in the biggest city we got (ok, admittedly not that big, but still…), and there’s all this motherfucking unspoiled nature just minutes (at times seconds) away.

i’m especially feeling the love today after my friend pook turned me on to the glory that is portland trails. 30 trails all over the greater portland area, all equally surprising and awesome. oh, and all free.

for example, today we hit an incredible seaside bird sanctuary, AND a freakin waterfall. i have lived in this area since 1996, and had no idea there was a FREAKIN WATERFALL 5 minutes off the peninsula.

anyway, being outside is pretty famtastic, and fits happily within my summer fun budget of $0. i’m thinking long hikes, picnic lunches, brown paper bag beers, and falling asleep on the grass/rocks/beach while reading summer trash with puffy gold letters on the cover.

what’s in your budget for summer fun? (you can start by reading these links)

flea market feature- montsweag adventure!

as i mentioned yesterday (as i ever so classily begged for you to enter my contest), this weekend i took the first trip of the season to my favorite seasonal flea market in maine. i’ve been compiling and manicuring my list of best maine flea markets since last fall, but i thought it might be worthwhile to do a little profile of some of the superstars as i thrift my way through the summer months.

the montsweag flea market, located on a fairly low-key stretch of route one in woolwich (in between bath and wiscasset), opens on mother’s day weekend (weather permitting), and shuts back down “when the tourists stop coming”. it’s literally nothing more than a vacant lot filled with aging plywood tables and a few summer camp cabin-like shanties, but for some reason, this is where all the A+ people come to set up shop. no, it’s not all faberge eggs and first editions, it’s still a lot of crazy crap just like other flea markets… but it’s the BEST crazy crap in town. the judgment criteria:

1. new stuff is kept to a minimum. (i’m talking about you cascade) how horribly disappointing is it to go to what you think is a cool flea market, only to be assaulted by dollar store tchotchkes and ultra-trashy OOB-worthy t-shirts (ex: “if i wanted to hear what you had to say, i’d take my cock out of your mouth” heartwarming!). nobody wants this shit, sand it’s always uncomfortable to walk by your table, so please cut it out! (montsweag only had one table of this variety- dragon statuettes i think).

2. there’s lots of old stuff. even when it’s not worth anything, old stuff feels sexy, mysterious, exciting. from antique to retro, i wanna dive into boxes of musty old socially irrelevant books, try on enormous vintage cocktail rings, smell the mothballs of long forgotten fabric stashes, and fiddle with exotic examples of outmoded technology. going to the flea market should be like going on an archeological dig. i want to rifle through crumbling cardboard bins of relics feeling like every single thing is going to make me an ebay millionaire.

3. there’s lots of weird stuff. i want to see nightmare inducing creepy old toys, stacks of water damaged low-rent retro porn magazines, and at least a 10% saturation of stuff that elicits the comment “what the fuck is this?”. even if you come home with nothing, your day will never feel wasted if you spent the majority of your time pointing out the hilarity & terror to your fellow flea-marketers (also, this this a great place to work on your prop comedy).

4. prices are reasonable & they’re willing/ready to haggle. there’s a ton of antique stores and flea markets that easily meet the above criteria for awesome stuff, but cruelly price it just out of reach. what’s exciting about a box or a field full of incredible stuff that you want but can’t afford? why not just go browse the cartier? i bet they don’t have a port-a-potty (a minimal downside, but there isn’t a hook on the door and i was forced to wear my purse around my neck like a feedbag to avoid contamination).

if i was going to get in the habit of giving out stars, montsweag would easily gets a 4.5 out of 5. it meets all of the above critera with gusto, and save for the porta-john issues and the dragon statuettes, from vintage toys to scary dolls, they know what i like. plus, if you do so much as breathe near an item- someone will offer you a deal. bring cash (small bills), go early (the dealers get there at the crack of dawn), and prepare to be surprised (make sure you have room in your trunk). the boyfriend offered to buy 3 vintage cameras from a dealer for $15, and ended up with a rubbermaid tote full for $20. you can check out the rest of my montsweag exploration on flickr, or you can get your ass to wiscasset and have your own adventure. this weekend is supposed to be sunny and 70s, where do i go next?