a little help.

did i ever tell you about the time that i was addicted to entering online sweepstakes? for like 5 or 6 months, i spent every second of my free time entering every contest i could get my hands on. instant wins were my preference (i’m impatient), but i wasn’t really that discriminating. i would throw down for whatever, from cash prizes to year supplies of beef jerky (this was in my pre-vegetarian days). after all of my insane efforts, my bounty equaled exactly one goldfish cracker shaped coin purse, and one unflattering orange lip gloss. it was a complete and utter bust. not only did i not win anything good, i didn’t actually want either of the things i did win. sweepstakes are cruel that way. i had wasted so much time, and it wasn’t worth it, not even a little.

but then i found couponing (i’m a fickle little bitch), and i realized that not only was sweepstakes entering a pitiful waste of time, but that i could have been entering awesome giveaways on blogs and actually winning stuff the whole time. maybe there are no million dollar prizes, but you can get some pretty kickin stuff, and the odds can’t be beat (usually less than 100 entrants per contest).

so about that favor i need… as i mentioned in the weekend pickthrough, i recently entered a writing contest over at one of my very favorite sites- red head writing. i actually have no idea what the prize is, or even if there is a prize at all (but rumor has it that her last winner got a $150 gift card), but it isn’t about that. after my crushing defeat at burlesque amateur night (still writing it up, but soon!), i require the glory of ultimate victory to reinflate my flaccid ego. or maybe i just like writing and wanted to see if i could win this shit. but anyhow, the way to win is to collect more positive comments (actual comments, not just hitting the “like” button) on your piece than all of the other story tellers. i’d like to believe that random strangers will wander in and be captivated by charming little tale of nosebleeds and mojitos, but that’s looking pretty unlikely at this moment in time.  instead, it’s going to be an exercise in how many of my friends i can sweet talk into voting for me regardless of whether they like my story or not.  are you sweet talked yet?

how about now?

but seriously, i would really love it if you would toddle on over to the contest, and check it out. you don’t have to vote for me, but it would be wonderful if you would vote for the person that you like the best. a bunch of really interesting people put a lot of love into their 300 words, and they deserve to get some feedback.

and if you’re horribly annoyed that i’m even asking you to do this at all, just ignore me for today, and i promise that i will not abuse the privilege again anytime soon. (but if i do win- IN YOUR FACE!).

weekend pickthrough- secret hot pockets edition.

i just wanted to thank you all for your kind words and encouragement  (as well as general hoots and “take it all offs”) regarding my big burlesque debut on thursday. the cliff’s notes update is that no, i didn’t win. but, i did rock my piece as hard as i could, and there were no broken legs or embarrassing urinary mishaps. you will however have to wait at least another day or two until my full write up is finished for the maine observer (assuming i write something that they actually want to publish). however, in my travels, i did come across an extremely interesting bit of noteworthy information. it all went down like this:

FRIEND: (re: me needing a post titty-shakin snack) man, geno’s should serve food.

ALLIE: um, why would you want to eat there? it’s a dive bar that used to be a porno theater? (*for those of you who weren’t around portland 15 years ago, it used to be the “fine art cinema”- classy!).

of course i thought it was hilarious, and immediately posted it to twitter. along with a lot of discussions about other places in portland too dirty for food consumption, this little tidbit popped up:

from @sukisusan: Rumor is that by law they must serve food. So they have a freezer full of Hot Pockets.

i brushed it off a brilliant joke, and then the next morning, this comment surfaced:

from @seanwilk: they have Hot Pockets. #true

could it be? on my lunch break friday, i decided to call geno’s and get the lowdown. in the most awkward phone conversation that i’ve probably ever had in my life- IT WAS CONFIRMED. some sort of weird licensing regulation requires them to be able to serve hot food. the answer- A FREEZER FULL OF HOT POCKETS. and they’re not just for show, you can order and consume those bitches (although i did forget to ask how much the cost- damn!). get to it!

i’m proud of my state for a lot of reasons, but this isn’t one of them.

two events worth putting on your calendar RIGHT NOW: WMPG electronica booze cruise, and goodwill of northern new england halloween ball bitches!

all my sexiest cheese fantasies are finally coming true (and for only $4).

once i get the ikea bus going, this is my next portland improvement venture.

so i entered this writing contest… could somebody else please enter so that mine isn’t the only crazy silly one. for some reason, people seem to think that good writing has to be SAD writing. i don’t get it…

there’s nothing you can say that will ever make me think that ebooks are better than paper books.  NEVER!

thanks to a tip from the amazing tina at scrawled in a corner, i now know that there are FULL EPISODES OF DARIA on mtv.com. solid.

just what i always suspected, iphone users are kind of sluts.

first lebron, and now grimace? this free agency thing is getting out of hand.

why can’t i own a canadian?! (via younger cougar)