Pinkies OUT!

yeah, i’m horribly delinquent. it’s been a rough couple of months for me on a number of fronts, but even as i slowly pull out of my tailspin of procedural cop drama and cookies in bed, i’m still having a hard time getting my shit together to write again. although, i can promise a lengthy exploration about why i decided that putting naked pictures of myself on the internet is probably not the best way to make myself feel better (don’t worry mom, i didn’t do it). however, in my long absence, i have gravely neglected to talk about a project that i was working on, and i’m sincerely hoping that it’s not too late to grab your attention and your time for a minute.

this holiday season, the ladies of swapmaine decided to see what would happen if we got ALL FANCY for the holidays. so, instead of having our standard “all you can grab” style swap of big bins and big digging, we’re throwing an intimate little cocktail party swap where everyone brings just a few of their very best things, drinks some bubbly, nibbles some snacks, and goes home with 5 immaculately perfect items. it’s kinda gonna be an amazing. here’s why:

packing it in.

i packed my first box today.

13 actually. 13 paper boxes full of books, dvds, and things that will probably get broken in transit despite their many layered protective newspaper cocoons. theoretically, this should be good news (especially for my breakables). but really, i’ve got 4 days until my movers show up, and i’ve only packed about 1/8 of everything i own. and that was the easy bit. unfortunately, the rest of my apartment is far less square and regular than my book and dvd collections.

and now, here i am, watching netflix and writing instead of playing through the pain and packing up my kitchen implements before i have time to forget that i’m moving and accidentally get them all dirty again.

thing is, i don’t want to move.

uh oh.

i’m in trouble. not entirely sure how it happened, but my $1,200 post tax season cushion is COMPLETELY GONE, and i have exactly enough money to pay my bills… leaving me about $68 to last me until my next pay day. oh, did i mention that i get paid every TWO WEEKS?

FUCK.

summer is the spendiest time of year for me, filled with after work margaritas, flea marketing and new sun dresses… in the last month, i indiscriminately blew through over $1,000 of  lazy $12 “i forgot to pack my lunch” days, several “OMG this skirt is only  $18” days, and everyone’s favorite “i can’t show up to this brunch without at least $20 worth of champagne and donuts” days… i really have no idea what i bought, but i had a crazy exciting month, so i’m sure it was fabulous.

being broke, markedly less fabulous.

weekend pickthrough- red hot and boozy edition.

so, i finally got my “i’m on a boat” badge on foursquare this weekend, and i definitely EARNED that shit. this past friday, red hot and ladylike was having a saucy benefit booze cruise, that involved me throwing on some hot pants and shakin it on a boat to top 40 til the wee hours (ok, like 10:30). sure, i got hit on by marginally creepy dudes old enough to be my dad. and sure, there was one drunk couple that i was pretty positive was actually doing the horizontal monster mash on the dance floor. but i forgot how much fun it is to get shitty on champagne and go dance with the lady friends. and dancing on a boat- TOTALLY AMAZING. the casablanca appears to have regular cruises with live music or djs all summer long (at very reasonable rates). and lemmie just tell you, there is nothing else like pulling into portland harbor while you’re crazy dancin’ in your underpants to “got your money”. ODB would be proud. (word)

the subtle intricacies of prison hooch (you just need to round up a little grape juice, a dirty sock, some moldy bread, and a toilet).

the portland press herald and i are having an argument. does this guinea pig look more stressed out, or more concerned?

25 free songs from urban outfitters (most of which don’t suck)! finally, some free downloads that aren’t christian audiobooks (now that’s a miracle).

there’s no crying in the break room. i need to hire my own joan holloway to make sure that i don’t embarrass myself.

the adorable and clever @aubinthomas has started a new blog to help preserve the memory of fine graffiti before some jackoff with a bucket of beige paint decides he wants to clean up the town.

$555,000 in student loan debt? sallie mae needs to back the fuck off.

for all you meat-a-vores out there, that fat guy from portland food coma takes you on a BBQ tour of maine. now somebody needs to generate me some passable faux pulled pork, or i am gonna LOSE IT.