going mega. (like $1bus fare mega)

there was a point in time when i was less impressed with facebook. it was something i reserved solely for the ever growing faction of my life who refused to communicate any other way. and then slowly, it crept in there. maybe it was the 3 full days i spent reading every single entry on failbook… maybe it was the fact that it really does feel nice to have people thumbs up my pointless status updates… or maybe, it’s actually a good way to gather information.

case and point, yesterday, liz over at mean mama posted this gem on my wall:

“did you see this, allie? “…if you can plan a few weeks in advance, you can now buy a ticket on the same bus (portland to boston) for as little as $1 one-way through the Megabus website.”

what’s this about a megabus?

according to wikipedia, megabus is “a low-cost bus service in the United States and Canada also owned by Stagecoach Group”. informative!

i didn’t entirely learn much more from the megabus website (TL; DR), but what i did find out is that whenever i plug in a date at least a weekend in advance, the fare is only $1. when i plug in this weekend, $10.

i have no idea how it works, why it works, or how awkward it is to give those concord trailways guys your reservation number and hope they let you on the bus. it’s basically magic. but you know what it’s $1 for something that usually costs $36. and it’s not even on the scummy greyhound where sketchy dudes who smell like pee routinely ask me out on dates.

concord trailways gives you free donuts and juice. hell, you can’t get donuts and juice for $1.  so let’s all get cheap tickets to boston and eat cannolis and take in the electricity show before they realize what what a mistake it is.

so i’m considering coupon fraud…

and  i KNOW that its wrong, but the deal is really good, and i’m feeling the strong pull of temptation.

you need to talk me out of it.

or possibly talk me into it.

so, this week the $7 extrabucks on physician’s formula (are they going out of business or something?) deal is back at CVS, and better than ever. you do only get one per household, but if you borrow your boyfriend’s CVS card, you could probably grab 2 without suspicious (not that i know anyone who does that ever).

but that’s not where the real bad feelings settle in.

last week, physician’s formula was on sale for 40% off at CVS (seriously, something is going on with them) and my friend forwarded me this link to a $5.00 coupon! now, this would have been awesome if the coupon wasn’t already out of prints. but then i clicked on the image of the coupon in the post… and there it was- completely clar and printable, just BEGGING me to print 5. so i did.

i haven’t actually used any of them yet (i managed resist the 40% off temptations last week), but the $7 extrabuck deal might be too much to resist.

when there were still prints left on the website, it did pop out in PDF format- just begging to be printed out multiple times. theoretically, i could have printed a whole bunch and just been hoarding them this whole time, right?

i still have several days to decide what to do, but i’m finding myself very torn. are fraudulent coupon assholes like me the reason that physician’s formula appears to be struggling?  is it worth a little minor  infraction for the sake of the makeup project (my freebie cosmetics hoard has become a complete OBSESSION)?

worth the trip- a little rusty edition.

god, it’s been a while. i’ve got a stack of uncut coupons collecting dust in my living room that fill me with longing and dismay every time i walk by them. the last few weeks i’ve just been so tired and busy, that all i can do is just go to trader joe’s and buy a lot of prepackaged bullshit (BEWARE- THOUGH DELCIOUS, TJS PREPACKAGED FOODS ARE STUFFED FULL OF BLOATY SODIUM). as a result, i’m a big bloated eggplant right now, and i’m having massive deal withdrawal. i got the coupon shakes.

i probably still won’t have time to go to the grocery store this week (let alone the rite aid or cvs), but to take the edge off of my desire, i figured i could at least round up some worthwhile deals for everyone else who does have clipping time in their schedule:

shit, i forgot the coupons.

for xmas, i gifted myself with a subscription to the sunday paper. it’s minimally cheaper than buying it at the store, and conveniently delivered to my front door before 7 am. thus, i can stay in my sweatpants and be lazy and not brave the cold cold walk down to the sketchy sketchy 7-11. or so i had hoped! first sunday, NO PAPER. i figured maybe it just took them a minute to get the party started. last sunday, NO PAPER AGAIN (later resolved with an agitated call to the circulation department- i hope)!  thanks to a 7 hour a chorus line rehearsal on sunday, i didn’t have the time or energy to go get one on my own. i hit the grocery store on tuesday, but sadly, there were none left. a couponless week! what’s a girl to do!?

when i first started my coupon clipping adventures over a year ago, a moment like this would have sent me into a panic spiral. to think of all the deals that i would miss, the freebies loaded into the carts of strangers that wouldn’t be available to me without those magic slips of paper… i don’t remember if i ever cried over such a situation, but i also don’t remember not crying. when i first started out, i would get a crazy high off my deal mongering and would hit multiple drugstores multiple times per week- often spending hours in the aisles trying to cobble the perfect deal (poor boyfriend left to languish in the car).

but then, i kind of got over it.

i don’t have any idea how extreme couponers keep the ball rolling… it’s so much pre-planning and work! after a while, my coupon energy ramped down and my desire to have every single deal faded away (my stockpiles grew too large… i ended up with items i couldn’t use or donate…i was fucking tired…). if i missed a newspaper, so what? if i forgot to bring my coupons to the grocery store, meh!

i still go through peaks and valleys of coupon focus/mania, but in terms of the emotional highs and lows that i used to hit, i have figured out a few things along the way that are guaranteed to always talk me off the ledge:

kix ass.

as of late, this bog has diverged away from the hardcore couponing that once was the center of my universe. which is not to say that i’m not still clipping, organizing, and deal hunting to some degree, but i was also starting to get the pre-symptoms of the dreaded coupon burnout. expiring extrabucks… neglected deals… cereal stash dwindling… but whenever i’m too busy or lazy to do my own research, or too filled with malaise to write about any deals i might happen to stumble into,  i can always count on  the coupon moms of the world to be there not being fuck ups and getting shit done. i like moms need to know (regular deals + she likes classic rock and is kind of a wino), of course my beloved coupon goddess (high heeled shoe addict who makes stockpiling sexy), and our very own local powerhouse, the money saving maine-iac.

basically, if there’s a grocery or drug store deal in the 207 area code, she’s got it first and probably better than i do.  case and point, yesterday afternoon i hit the shaw’s to do my grocery shopping for the week. for some reason our mailman stopped delivering the shaw’s fliers on thursdays, so i’m now forced to look online if i want to pre-plan my shopping (which i’m usually too lazy to do, and i most definitely was distracted this week with new puppy goodness), or pick mine up at the grocery store. this week it turned out to be DOLLAR DOUBLER WEEK (basically it will double coupons with $1 value, so there’s lots of opportunities for FREE STUFF!), and as usual, i was monumentally unprepared with coupon inserts from the last 2 weeks unclipped on my  coffee table. damn. but back to the kix. initially, i’d skipped over the cereal aisle completely in my haste to finish my very last minute shopping for the week (shamefully, i didn’t even make a list, and as a result will be eating string cheese and pirate booty for dinner this week). but lucky for me, i gave the flier one last flip through before i headed for the checkout, and there it was- kix @ 3 for $6. a steal anyway, but i fortuitously had a fistful (6 exactly actually) of $.75/1 coupons from coupons.com (not sure if they’re still available) which doubled to be $1.50/1! $.50 kix. awesome! even awesomer– apparently when you buy 3 boxes of select big G cereals, you get a FREE GALLON OF MILK. so not only did i get 6 boxes of cereal for $3, i also got coupons for 2 free gallons of milk. and if that isn’t a good deal, i don’t know what is.

so i run home to go report my important kix related findings to my readers, thinking that i have scored some sort of immaculate secret deal or something… come to find out that money saving maine-iac reported the whole situation on THURSDAY (and was way more thorough and awesome about it). so my point is that if you’re looking for the perfect source of great maine-centric grocery deals, really awesome giveaways (i need to get the hook up- i don’t know how she gets all that awesome stuff to give away), and  the location of every really great coupon in the state… money saving maine-iac is your woman. blog crush? absolutely. i am both totally jealous of her great site, and totally grateful that she has so much amazing info (because lets face it, i am way lazy and inconsistent), and you should be too. (now go shower her with the love that she deserves).

mall recall.

CALLING ALL PAST AND PRESENT MAINE MALL WORKERS & LOVERS! the marvelous alex steed (who can be found everywhere all at once, but especially here, here and here) has started a facebook fan page (well, technically it’s classified as a religious organization) for maine mall alumni! the project sprung from a combination of  his own alumni pride (you may remember him lurking around the wacky t-shirt kiosk in the early 2000s), and also being utterly aghast at the fact that the BANGOR MALL HAS 1200+ FANS, and the maine mall isn’t even breaking 800… well, alex is already campaigning hard to remedy the situation, and the alumni page is busting with excitement such as:

– musings on the odd positioning of record town & tape world in the late 80s (across the hall from each other).

– angsty anti-mall rambling from bygone blogs.

– relics from our beloved mall’s past life.

so yes, if you’ve ever known the mall intimately, please head on over and friend that shit up. or like it. or fan it. or whatever the hell it is that people do on facebook.  share your tender mall moments, awkwardly reconnect with old coworkers, and start your own dialog about how the mall just hasn’t been the same since porteous disappeared.

now i never worked at the mall, but i can tell you with no hesitation that i have logged A LOT of hours in its tiled corridors. well, by tapping into my deep and abiding love  for the maine mall, alex has somehow managed to get me stuck in his swiftly rolling katamari of energy and ideas. it’s Q & A time! i’ve come up with a list of questions for all the mall workers out there past and present, and it’s your job to answer them, and elaborate, and go off topic in the most entertaining way possible (part 1 of 2):

1. What never goes on sale?

2. What is the best deal you ever saw someone score?

3. Sometimes I hide things in the store that I can’t afford to pay full retail for- in hopes that they will not be found until markdown time. Is this a viable method?

now is the time to share your insider knowledge with the world. now is the time to declare your alumni status!

the road to hell.

is paved with crumpled shopping bags. i was doing really well on my $30 a week plan for needless weekend spending… and then this weekend descended in a haze of clearance racks and impulse buying. does anyone else ever feel like they’re possessed by the devil? come july, i’ll be making some drastic reductions in my spending (to disastrous results i’m sure), but in the meantime… let’s revel in this last summer binge with gusto.

1. target, my second home. i once vowed that i would stop sleeping in sweatpants and old t-shirts and start sleeping in sexy lingerie. i’m not doing a very good job, but two new pieces of pretty from the liberty of london collection @ $4.48 each significantly increase the odds. if someone would come over to my house and finally torch my heinous disintegrating sweatpants, then we’d really be in business.

2. we decided to go to windham for a change, and that goodwill never disappoints. found another addition to my three investigators collection (jupiter jones is gonna solve that mystery SO HARD), and some crazy plastic apple container. i don’t know why, but i’m a sucker for shit that’s shaped like fruit.

3. marden’s sweet marden’s. there’s a brand new gigantic fucking mardens that just opened up in the old walmart building in south portland. i’ll be posting a deep and dirty expose about my experience later this week, but until then… BEHOLD! hobo spanx no more (that’s control top panty hose with the legs cut off for those who aren’t yet aware of my secret shame)! $11.49 for a maidenform control shorts. sure, it feels like my organs are being crushed, but i look SO SKINNY.

4. i ditched the boyfriend in the car for a nap while i took off to the marshall’s for a while. he’s such an old man. amazing asymmetrical t-shirt for $8, and the most beautiful summer dress ever for $19.99. i’m too fat for spandex, but there was a boatload of really nice looking marc by marc jacobs swimwear if you’re in the market for that sort of thing.

5. last time i was at the gap, it was all prairie skirts and straw cowboy hats, which is probably somewhere between windpants and juicy sweatsuits on the scale of shit that i shouldn’t be wearing. mysteriously this weekend, everything was awesome and on sale. oh, and everything that was on sale was an additional 40% off. got a cute skirt and 2 pairs of mysteriously great fitting pairs of 1969 (regularly $79 a pair) for $51.

6. shaw’s was the final stop for grocery shopping, and probably the biggest retail coup of the day. WACKY MAC MOTHERFUCKER! there was and endcap fucking full of it randomly over by the raw chicken. i bought just a couple because i could, even though i didn’t have the coupon that made them free.  but the biggest score was easily the fiber one deal. on sale for buy one get one (@ $4.29 each), i had a stash of $.75/1 coupons that would double, making it $1.29 for 2 boxes $.65 a box. i got 8 boxes for $5.16 total. i even had a $5/$50 coupon which would bring the whole goddamn mess down to almost nothing. it would have been exceptionally impressive if the boyfriend could have been an adult about it, instead of just giggling like a maniac, and telling me how much i’m gonna poop.

$102.58– scandalous! anyway, appreciate it now before i cut myself off from the crazy shopping forever (or until august, whichever comes first). but if the demon possession should happen to be too strong for me… tell my family that i love them, and make sure you wrestle my dead ass into those spanx. i don’t want to be a bloated corpse.

spending too little on too much.

it was a spendy-ass sunday. took a little jaunt back to my hometown of augusta for brunch at the senator inn (a childhood fav that still holds up!), and a little light antiquing that turned into an entire day of shopping the town inside out. i got some pretty good deals that seemed necessary at the time… but seeing it all lined up at the end of the day (and added up), i start to wonder how much of my bargain shopping is really a bargain. i’m paying less for everything, but i’m buying more than ever.

shaw’s: 4 big G cereals @ $12.86 with $6 off when you buy 4 plus $4.40 worth of coupons ($.55/1 doubled from coupons.com) final cost= $2.46 for 4 boxes.

target: the liberty of london collection is on super sale at the augusta target and i snagged an adorable nightie for $8.98. there’s also a ton of zac posen stuff, but it’s not marked down enough for me to bother. give it another few weeks… i might have to go back to augusta and snag me a cocktail dress. i also found a mysteriously unblemished pair of striped espadrilles for $4.26 marked “AS IS”. their identical counterparts were just feet away in the full retail section for $16.99… maybe they’re going to explode in low speed collisions? i’ll keep you apprised if any defects should arise. lastly, i found a few boxes of puffs tissues with vicks vapo-rub in them (which i love but haven’t been able to find ANYWHERE- discontinued?) for $1.38 a box, and sacrificed 2 of my $.50/1 vocalpoint coupons. target total= an eerie $15.00 even.

big lots: to my credit, i did put back one movie and a $6 box of diet granola bars. but a $3 copy of funny face?! i have a list of movies on my iphone that i’m looking to buy. the problem being, that my price point for DVD buying is $5 of less, usually less. today i encountered 3 of those titles in the $3 bin. is there really anything else at big lots that’s even worth looking at? funny face, art school confidential, & confetti= $9.00.

goodwill: i used to own and love this jacket in another size that i am not officially too fat to wear. lo and behold, here it is at goodwill in brunswick for $4.99! oh wait, is that a yellow barb? make that $2.49!

cvs: i had $14 worth of extrabucks expiring tomorrow, and this evening was my only chance to cash in.  with the gillette proglide razors already sold out, i had to improvise a bit and use a few more extrabucks than i otherwise would have preferred. i ended up with a bunch or random crap (most of which will get donated), but it felt like a good haul considering the circumstances:

2 john frieda root awakening shampoos @$5 each with $3 ECB back when you buy $10 + $5/2 coupon= $2
2 right guard total defense deodorants $4.49/ea. on BOGO + $3/2 coupon from coupons.com= $1.50
1 covergirl wetslicks amaze-mint @ $4.99 with $3 ECB back, and $1/1 coupon= $.99
1 colgate proclinical toothpaste @ $3.99 with $2 back in ECB, and a $1/1 coupon= $.99
2 gillette bodywash @ $8 with $8 back in ECB and a $4/2 coupon= +$4 ECBs (the flier said limit 1, but it turned out to be limit 2!)
total OOP= $17.47 (paid $17 in ECBs + .$.47 in cash plus tax), received $16 ECBs

total spent this weekend (for all above pictured goods, not actually counting meals, groceries for the week, and a ridiculous failed dinner party that will never speak of again)= $29.42 of stuff that i didn’t actually need. on one hand, i could have spent a whole lot more on a multi-store shopping binge, and gotten a whole lot less. on the other hand, is spending $30 on anything that i don’t need really a bargain? it might be time to put the debit card away for a while and think about what i’ve done.

ode on a target endcap.

target is my natural habitat- inexpensive, well lit, good merchandising… but i’ve never quite managed to score the big bargains in a way that felt worth the effort. maybe it’s because i can’t walk to the target- and thus i only go there once every couple of weeks. or maybe it’s because all the really awesome deals get cleaned out super fast at the south portland store. or maybe it’s a combination of the two. whatever it is, despite my undying  love/lust for target, i’ve never really felt successful in deal mongering there- until last weekend. i don’t now what happened, but something snapped in my little brain and i think i finally figured out what i was doing wrong. here’s the secret formula:

1. arm yourself. first off, understand that every target in the universe is different. regardless of how well you prepare yourself with careful circular study and deal website stalking, what gets reduced at one store might not be reduced at another, or be reduced to a different price, or not exist at all. clearance items are wild cards that crop up and disappear suddenly like a game of discount whack-a-mole. timing is paramount, and you wouldn’t want to accidentally stumble into an amazing deal without your arsenal (because it definitely won’t be there when you come back later). basically, if you’re headed anywhere within a 15 mile radius of a target (admit it! they have a have a strong and mysterious pull), pack your damn coupon folder. and don’t forget to hit up coupons.com & the target website to shake down the best printable action. you’ll often find target-centric coupons that can be stacked with manufacturer coupons for double your pleasure (um, i mean savings).

2. stalk the endcaps. going to target with me is always an hour+ proposition (sorry boyfriend!). i generally weave my way through the clearance clothing racks (my fashion lifeline), past the $4.75 dvd shelf, and then on through beauty, eventually ending in foodstuffs. but whatever your target takedown pattern, make sure to veer off the main concourse and hit the back end of the display shelves- this is where they stow all the crap that they’re trying to get rid of (you know, the good stuff). pretty much every department in the store has  a clearance area, and they’re all worth checking out. from toys to tampons, get ready to bring on the markdowns! sure, it starts with a paltry 15% off, but over time those sexy red stickers will start piling up and piling up, and your once $5.49 facial scrub will eventually dive down to $1.36. careful now, it’s time to strike.

3. load up on gift cards. a ton of the really great target deal scenarios also result in a $5 gift card. hoard the hell out of these! you can also often get free target cards from credit card points and paid survey sites. point being, target is givin it away like a drunk chick on girls gone wild, so grab grab grab while you can can can. the only thing better than finding a great product on sale for a few pennies, is being able to pay those few pennies with zero bank account impact. $5 gift cards may not seem all that hot, but if you’re doing it right ( the coupon goddess can squeeze the bejeezus out of a target deal like no other), that $5 can last you a shockingly long time.

i still may not necessarily be able to come home with a trunk full of toilet wands like the pros, but this weekend, my target stars aligned in a way that i found very satisfying:

pantene hair spray: regular price- $3.79, marked down to $1.61. using a $1/1 from the P&G brandsaver= $.61

listerine whitening mouth rinse: regular price- $3.99, marked down to $1.98. using a $1/1 printed from coupons.com= $.98

better crocker warm delights minis (these bitches are TASTE-TEE and only have 150 calories each): regular price- $1.89, marked down to 1$1.07 with a $.75/1 coupon from coupons.com= $.32 each (i got 4)

eggo waffles: on sale for $1.75, there’s a $1/1 target printable on coupons.com that brought them down to $.75 each (i got two)

la croix sparkling water 8 packs: regular price- $2.50, there’s a sweet $1.25/1 printable on coupons.com that made them them $1.25 each (i got two)

total price tag for the goods: $5.37. not huge bragging rights, but i feel like i’m just getting warmed up. definitely putting target on the weekly circuit, i think we might have a future together.

12 minutes, 2 am.

my sleep schedule is all f-ed up. i slept for 12 hours last night, and now it’s almost 2 am, and i’m still not sleeping- despite needing to be at work and functional in a mere 6 hours. so i thought i’d take this last 12 minutes before the clock strikes 2 to poop out a quickie post- just to say that i did. i present to you, my weekend in spending- in 12 minutes or less (or possibly slightly more):

there was a 40% off everything sale at the gap outlet in freeport. i erroneously assumed it would be better than the old navy 30% off everything sale… what i learned is that they didn’t have much to offer in the markdown area, and everything else was near regular gap prices. despite the angel voice whispering in my ear “that’s how they get you!”, the devil voice still spent $80 on a pair of jeans, a dress, a sweater, and a pair of shorts. well, it is supposed to be 84 degrees on tuesday…

j crew on the other hand had a decent sale rack that was take an additional 30% off all markdowns. score. bought a fat concealing flowy top and and a shiny gold belt that i decided couldn’t possibly be leather… but probably is. feeling heavy vegetarian guilt, but too attached to belt to find out for sure.

wacky mac should have been free at shaw’s this week… except that i couldn’t find it anywhere. is there no wacky mac in the state of maine, or am i just looking in the wrong place?! *seethes with frustration* no major grocery deals scored this week.

i fully attempted to buy a $3.97 copy of maid in manhattan at bullmoose today, but shame was too great. me being uncool isn’t really a secret, but bullmoose always makes me wish i was hipper than i am. or at least wish that walmart carried $3.97 copies of maid in manhattan.

now that i’ve learned that dairy queen has butterscotch dip, it was another 2-DQ weekend. i’ve been to every DQ in the area at least once, and i’ve noticed that the pricing is not standard. westbrook DQ- i don’t care if you do have a brazier (your fries suck BTW), time to nudge those ice cream prices DOWN. the topsham dairy queen is making you look bad.